Zman:
Oh man...

"A flute with no holes, is not a flute." "A donut with no hole is a danish."

Ty Webb in Caddyshack

 

So I jump ship in Hong Kong...

 

if dogs sweat out of their tongues...what are their armpits for?

why do they call wednesday humpday when most people get laid on the weekends?

when cows laugh does milk come out their noses?

 

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did"

 

 

HAHA
Its lunch time!
snack machines get you in and out quick!

 

Steven Wright: I once put a cup of instant coffee in the microwave... I almost created a time warp!

I saw him in South Bend a couple of years ago. What an experience???

 

As Jesus was hanging from the cross, he leans his head to St. Peter and says:

"Hey, I can see your house from here."

 

But what I want to know is why they sell hotdogs in
packs of ten and hotdog buns in packs of eight_

WTFO?

 

Got a ticket the other day for speeding. The cop said a was doing 80 miles per hour. I told him I wasn't going to be out that long!!!

 

A baby seal walks into a club.

 

Horse walks into a bar, bartender says, "Why the long face?"

 

...when a business owner's wife calls from the hospital to say she's having a baby, does he lock the door and hang a sign that says "Closed due to a life in the family?"

Doug

 

if 711's are open 24/7, why do they have locks on the doors?
why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
if fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
if olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
if it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?