03-18-2004, 08:32 PM
#78
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so a guy is driving home from a long trip and along the road on the countryside he sees a sign that reads " pig forsale, $1. a pound."
he says this cant be true, so just to prove a point he stops at the farmhouse right down the road.
He asks the farmer, how much for uuhhhh, this pig right here.. farmer replies "lemme weigh him for ya"
the farmer picks up the piglet and hold it by its tail in his mouth, then replies back," ten dollars for dis one"
the man argues you cant weigh something by using your mouth so the farmer asks his young son to weigh the pig for the man..he sticks the piglets tail in his mouth and pick it up and says, " ten pounds der paw"
the man is astonished but still cant believe it and so he asks for actuall proof that the pig is ten lbs.
the farmer says, " boy, go in and get your ma"
the boy goes into the house and comes back out alone.
"wheres your ma" asks the farmer and the boy replies....
"shes in the house weighing the mailman"
pudum dump. tisst.
he says this cant be true, so just to prove a point he stops at the farmhouse right down the road.
He asks the farmer, how much for uuhhhh, this pig right here.. farmer replies "lemme weigh him for ya"
the farmer picks up the piglet and hold it by its tail in his mouth, then replies back," ten dollars for dis one"
the man argues you cant weigh something by using your mouth so the farmer asks his young son to weigh the pig for the man..he sticks the piglets tail in his mouth and pick it up and says, " ten pounds der paw"
the man is astonished but still cant believe it and so he asks for actuall proof that the pig is ten lbs.
the farmer says, " boy, go in and get your ma"
the boy goes into the house and comes back out alone.
"wheres your ma" asks the farmer and the boy replies....
"shes in the house weighing the mailman"
pudum dump. tisst.
03-18-2004, 08:48 PM
#79
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how do you circumsize a redneck?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
why are blonds like mosquitos?
gotta slap em to get them to stop sucking...
muhaha
Andy
Kick his sister in the jaw.
why are blonds like mosquitos?
gotta slap em to get them to stop sucking...
muhaha
Andy
03-18-2004, 10:54 PM
#85
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Sorry about my little tirade earlier guys. I'm feeling much better now.....
So Jesus and Moses are sitting around talking about old times and wondering if they still got their "stuff". Moses says to Jesus let's give it a shot J. So they fly down to earth and Moses goes first.
Well J let's see if I still got it... He raises his staff and points it at the red sea. Low and behold the sea parts perfectly. He hoots and hollers a minute and catches a nice high five from big J. Now it was Jesus's turn. Excitedly, he says to Moses "let's see if I can still walk on water". He heads towards the sea and after about five steps he sinks like a brick. Dejected, he swims to shore and sits on the beach sulking a bit. He turns to Moses and comments on how he lost his mojo. Moses replies "don't take it too hard Jesus, last time you tried this you didn't have those holes in your feet"
So Jesus and Moses are sitting around talking about old times and wondering if they still got their "stuff". Moses says to Jesus let's give it a shot J. So they fly down to earth and Moses goes first.
Well J let's see if I still got it... He raises his staff and points it at the red sea. Low and behold the sea parts perfectly. He hoots and hollers a minute and catches a nice high five from big J. Now it was Jesus's turn. Excitedly, he says to Moses "let's see if I can still walk on water". He heads towards the sea and after about five steps he sinks like a brick. Dejected, he swims to shore and sits on the beach sulking a bit. He turns to Moses and comments on how he lost his mojo. Moses replies "don't take it too hard Jesus, last time you tried this you didn't have those holes in your feet"
03-18-2004, 11:41 PM
#87
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How come Jesus can't eat M&M's?
Thay fall through the holes in his hands......
I've got a ton of not so tasteful religous jokes so John better delete this quick.
Thay fall through the holes in his hands......
I've got a ton of not so tasteful religous jokes so John better delete this quick.
03-19-2004, 12:49 AM
#88
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a little girl and her mom were walking on day and saw two people having sex, the little girl looks at her mom and asks, "mommy what are they doing?" The girls mom said,"making cupcakes". The next morning the litle girl woke up for breakfast and asked her mom, "mommy? you and daddy were making cupcakes lastnight werent you?", her mom says, "yes how did you know?" the little girl says..."because I licked the icing off the couch"
You guys didn't think I was outta this yet did you???
Andy
You guys didn't think I was outta this yet did you???
Andy
03-19-2004, 12:54 AM
#89
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A vampire walks into a bar sits down and askes for a cup of hot blood.
Bartender says alright goes out in the ally kills a cat heats up the blood and gives it to the vampire.
Two nights later another vampire comes in and asks for a cup of of hot blood. The bartender says ok goes out in the ally kills a dog heats up the blood and gives it to the vampre.
Three nights later another vampire comes in and asks for a cup of hot water. The bartender looks at the vampire says, "now vampires have come in here before and they have always wanted blood yet you want water? Ok whatever."
So the bartender goes in the kitchen gets some water heats it up and gives it to the vampire.
The bartender asks "ok man what are you going to do with a cup of hot water?"
The vamprire takes out a bloody tampon and says teatime.
Andy
Bartender says alright goes out in the ally kills a cat heats up the blood and gives it to the vampire.
Two nights later another vampire comes in and asks for a cup of of hot blood. The bartender says ok goes out in the ally kills a dog heats up the blood and gives it to the vampre.
Three nights later another vampire comes in and asks for a cup of hot water. The bartender looks at the vampire says, "now vampires have come in here before and they have always wanted blood yet you want water? Ok whatever."
So the bartender goes in the kitchen gets some water heats it up and gives it to the vampire.
The bartender asks "ok man what are you going to do with a cup of hot water?"
The vamprire takes out a bloody tampon and says teatime.
Andy
03-19-2004, 12:58 AM
#90
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A man is lying in bed with his wife, reading a book.
He reaches down to tease her vagina.
"You want sex babe?" She asks
"No" He replies. "I'm just wetting my finger to turn the page"!
Sorry, I'm so gonna get in trouble for this.....
Forgive me John, I think I'm goin to hell anyways...
Andy
He reaches down to tease her vagina.
"You want sex babe?" She asks
"No" He replies. "I'm just wetting my finger to turn the page"!
Sorry, I'm so gonna get in trouble for this.....
Forgive me John, I think I'm goin to hell anyways...Andy