Bonster

VR actually had a great idea on another thread, suggesting we start a "student from hell thread." Sounded like a fun idea to me, so here I am, starting a new thread. Please don't use names, as we don't want to upset anyone. This is just for fun.

Okay, I'll start. I once had a student with a brand new Corvette. He was VERY nervous. As we were approaching a blind, I noticed he was basically about to drive right off the edge of the track, toward the flagger in the turn box. I kept telling him to turn left, but he was virtually unresponsive. I then told him that I was going to put my hand on his hand, on the steering wheel, so that we wouldn't go off. Guess what he did? He took BOTH HANDS OFF THE WHEEL and threw his arms up in the air. I was literally driving his car down an off-camber downhill turn! I told him he needs to keep his hands on the wheel. How he didn't understand that concept is beyond me. You guys should have seen his face -- it was as if he just saw his parents naked. Some folks just really are not cut out for the track.

paradisenb

I would like to have seen your face. Priceless.

Clueless. And your moral of the story is? Beware of Corvette drivers?

Bonster

Yeah, I'm sure I looked as though my eyes were going to pop out of their sockets. I've had to touch the wheel a few times before, but never has anyone ever taken their hands off the wheel! Moral? Nothing against Corvette drivers (I've had plenty of them) . . . just super nervous drivers.

The story gets funnier, though. Early in the day, after the driver meeting, the driver asked me to tie up the helmet straps for him. Being as I'm not the enabler type, I told him to go in the men's room and look in the mirror. As it turns out, one of my other instructors tied it up for him. This guy kept his helmet on . . . ALL DAY . . . even at lunch. I told him it was okay to take his helmet off. He got all nervous and told me he was afraid he wouldn't be able to get it back on.

One of the other instructors' wives was there, she is a doctor. She told me she suspected highly that the guy was schiztophrenic (spelling?). I found out a week later, upon receiving a phone call from the student's DOCTOR that in fact, he WAS. Yikes!

Bonster

Wait! There's more . . . I just remembered. This same student later asked me to demo his car. Usually I decline, but he REALLY needed help. So I'm toolin' along, and mentioned that the car felt weird -- not like other Corvettes I've driven. Turns out that he had the traction control on. As we were in the middle of a turn, he asks me, with his finger wavering over the little button, if he'd like me to turn it off. I couldn't help but to chuckle, and told him not to turn it off until we got into a straight. Wild!

paradisenb

Given this guys quirks, I would not have let him touched the button and would have left it on all day. "Step away from the car"

This is kind of my worst nightmare when I find myself considering taking a future path to becoming an instructor.

SundayDriver

Well, there was a Ferrari student who was smoking weed at lunch at Laguna Seca. Not my student and I think he was asked to depart.

I had a Viper student who refused to use my line, insisting that "his car" needed a much different line than others. I gave up after 4 attempts and let him drive a crappy line - he was dead slow but safe. It was Mid Ohio and we all know that I don't know a damn thing about that track. He commented later that I was the best instructor because I did not spend the whole session yelling at him about the line.

Bonster

Holy crap! Why on Earth would someone fortunate enough to own a Ferrari smoke pot before driving the beautiful car? What a total moron.

I've had students like your Viper driver, Mark. That's when I take them to the hot pits and have a chat with them. If they don't want to do it the way I've been trained to do it, I suggest they get another instructor. Nobody has ever asked for a replacement yet. Amazing how my mother hen attitude works. Lol.

RDL

A very good friend of mine and co-istructor had a student at the Glen, she was fine. The real problem was her husband in the back seat yelling at her constantly. She finally broke down in tears, stopped the car on the NASCAR straight and cried. After my friend got her calmed down and the husband to shut-up they finally got into the pit and out of the car. I think that was the last time he instructed for Trackquest.

Brian P

Seriously. If you can afford a ferrari, at least you can afford high end drugs...

Veloce Raptor

Hey, Barry Moore, tell your story about the guy who wanted to smoke while you drove his car...

My worst student was back when I was still instructing beginners (greens & blues in this area) before I got smart (and made friends) and became an advanced instructor. I had an in-DUH-vidual who truly did not seem to realize that we were driving on a closed course. This in-DUH-vidual had no recollection of the track, corner to corner, on any lap, in any session, for an entire weekend.

My funniest student adventure, however, was in a Porsche. It had rained on Sunday morning so hard they closed the track, then track was drying so they let us go out right before lunch. MSR Cresson has some drainage issues, and tends to have rivers across the track long after rain subsides. Wel, one of them is at track out from Ricochet, a fast off camber downhill left hander.

I had my guy brake well before, then get back to maintenance throttle before turn in to settle his 1986 911 Carrera. I told him not to lift, nor accelerate hard, until he was 100% straight, since the track was still wet.

He did great, except he began to accelerate more when he still had a few degrees of steering lock still dialed in at track out. Needless to say, we began a slow pirouette in a counterclockwise direction. He ALMOST caught the spin, but didn't, so I told him Both Feet In!! as I cranked my head to look out my window to see where we were going to end up.

Which is when I saw the enormous puddle that marked the end of the river running across the track.

We proceeded to rotate right into it, so the RR wheel made a giant tidal wave of mud that flew well over the top of his BLACK car and filled my window. When we came ot rest (engine still running), the entire right side of my body was 100% covered by mud, as was 1/2 of his RED leather interior and 1/2 of the entire car.

We got back on track to head to the pits, just as the sun came out (all the better to bake that mud on with). As we entered the hot pits, and all the lazy-assed instructors with no Green students that day got to see just what the car, and I, looked like, we received a standing ovation interspersed with raucous laughter.

It took the guy almost the rest of the afternoon to clean off & out his car.

It was epic.

RDL

Next great story is the student who showed up at the BeaveRun with the know it all attitude. Somehow the rear tires in rather poor condition passed tech. In the first session he ignored the instructor several times, including exiting the pit and imediately entering the "line" followed by not braking when told to, being way off line at all times and general lousy driving. After a spin on his second lap he went in for the standard talk and check up. The pit marshal sent him up to tech due to one of the rear tires being corded. The tech sent him to the local COSTCO to get "A" new tire. Evryone looks at the head tech and says "what are you doing, why would you tell him to only get one tire"? Head teach says "he'll come back with one new and one old tire, cord the old one and we can send him away again."
So this is exactly what happens and we get rid of this clown for the day. Sounds rather harsh, but this guy did not belong on the track. He was a danger to everyone and had no interest in learning.

Van

I once had a student that didn't want to learn -- an older gentleman, who, once a year, brought his '70s 911 to the track "just because".

He'd forgotten what he's worked on last year, and didn't really want to try anything new or different. He basically just wanted to physically drive on the track, but not necessarily in a "racing" fashion.

He wasn't endangering himself or anyone -- might not have even been driving 5/10ths. This was just his annual track experience.

I also once had a student I actually had to bring into the pits and lay down the line with. A novice who was entering turns WAY too fast -- luckily he saved it a few times, but I was afraid his luck was going to change -- and the point is to LEARN....

We came to a braking zone. Me: "And step on the brake." Nothing. Me: "Brake now. BRAKE NOW!" Nothing, no response. Me, holding on bracing for an impact: "SLOW DOWN NOW!!!" Slight brake, sliding sideways through the turn, the flagger staring bug-eyed at us.

After the turn. Me: "Can you hear me?" Him: "Yes" Me: "Ok, we're coming up to another turn, let's brake now." A repeat of the last turn.

I told him to pull into the pits and flat out said I wasn't going to be in the car with him unless he did what I said, when I said it. The rest of the day was fine!

BobbyC

Yup, I'm a student and first thing I tell a new instructor...I love my car, love my life and both want to go home in one piece. Now teach me what you can and let's have fun. Beer and steak on me later. I think it works.

Bonster

Dang, Van, that was a scary one (the latter student). Just makes ya wanna smack them, doesn't it? Yeah, you are at your first track day, so you know everything. I'm at my thousanth+ and I know nothing. Yeah, okay, I get it now. Doh! I've had a few students basically not do what I asked them to, but typically it was out of nervousness. Those are the folks who I tell to slow down or I'm outta there. A common line from me to my students: "If you want to experiment with how fast the car goes, do it when I'm NOT in the car. Meanwhile, let's learn how to drive." That seems to do the trick.

Veloce Raptor

On more than one occasion, I have slowed a hot dog down with the following:

"Please don't try to impress me, because you can't. And please don't try to scare me, because I already am."

Breaks the ice, and works 100% of the time, so far!