Veloce Raptor

Bada boomp...


Click the red button....

trackjunky

So this college student, who'd been experimenting with LSD baked into brownies, was home on Thanksgiving break. After suddenly realizing that he left his tin of Brownies on the kitchen counter, storms downstairs where he finds his Grandmother standing in the middle of the room pointing.

Quizically, he looks at his Grandmother and says "oh, I hope you didn't eat any of these Brownies, because I made them as a gift for a friend". To which the Grandmother replies "**** the Brownies, do you see that damm Dragon in the Kitchen?!"

Veloce Raptor

el

oh

el

Larry Herman

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of your bag.'
'Oh, really? Darn!' says the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me..'
'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money?' 'You didn't steal it, did you?'
'Oh, no', says the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I
say, '$20 or off it comes.'
'Well, that seems only fair.' laughs the cop. OK? Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'
'Well, you know', says the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'

Veloce Raptor

Hahaha!


ouch

Bull

Veloce Raptor

Yup. Cult of personality.

Mike in Chi

233 N Michigan Ave in the offices of Ariel Capital Management.

993Maineiac

Nah, I think its in the undisclosed location that Chaney used.

Mike in Chi

Do we look for a pile of spent shotgun shells?

Veloce Raptor

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured

by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims,'So, you

are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be

executed in three days.
But, before I

kill you, I will grant you three requests.

What is your first

request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my

horse.'

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the

Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops

away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on

his back.




As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent

and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's

impressed.

'You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will

still kill you in two days. What is your second request?'

The

Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him,

and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes

off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later

that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a

redhead, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone

Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the

Indian Chief is again impressed.

'You are in deed a man of

many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. 'What is your last

request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my

horse....alone.'

The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is

brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the

Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and

says,
'Listen very carefully you dumb *** horse. For the last time
. .

. BRING

POSSEEEE'

DreamCarrera

One day a curious little boy asks his mom “how old are you?”, to which his mom replies “there are some things you never ask a woman and that is one of them”. The little boy then asks his mom “how much do you weigh?” and receives the same reply.

Later that day while playing outside with a friend the little boy, whose parents are going through a divorce, tells the friend that his mom would not answer his questions. Trying to help his friend, the other boy instructs the little boy to go in his mom’s purse and get her drivers license out of her wallet. He tells the boy that the license will give him all the information he needs.

The boys finds his mother’s drivers license and goes back to his mom and tells her “I know that you are 35 years old and weigh 150 lbs.” Stunned the mom asks him how he found this information. Ignoring her, the boy then goes on to say “I also know why you and dad are getting a divorce, it’s because you got an “F” in sex”.

allegretto

Blonde Police Officer stops a Blonde motorist for speeding. "Your license Ma'am"

The Blonde Motorist rummages through her purse and finally exasperated says, "what does it look like"

The Officer says, "it's plastic and has your picture on it".

The Motorist smiles, and says, "oh, I 've got that". And proceeds to take out her compact, opens it, looks at the mirror and smiles as she hands it to the Officer.

The Officer looks at it for a moment and rolls her eyes, handing it back she says, "if you had told me you were a Police Officer when I first stopped you we could have avoided this"

rlm328

A blonde wearing headphones went to a styling salon to have her hair cut. When seat in the stylist chair, the stylist asked her to remove the headphones so that she could cut her hair. To which the blond told that she couldn't do that because she would die. After much back and forth between her and the stylist she finally took off the headphones. The stylist cut the blonds hair and when she was finished, sure enough the blond was dead. Startled the stylist piked up the headphones to determine why the blond died. As she held them to her ears she heard a recording saying "breath in, breath out..."

Veloce Raptor

LMFAO at both blonde jokes.