Joke for the day
09-30-2008, 10:00 PM
#46
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Which leg? Lol. There's nothing better than a stiff third . . . errr . . . never mind. 
09-30-2008, 10:45 PM
#47
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drink?
10-01-2008, 10:47 AM
#49
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Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland.
One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young
lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.
The Reverend wasn't happy.
He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.
'Miss Fitzgerald,' he said sternly. 'This is no place for a member of my congregation.
Why don't you let me take you home?'
'Sure,' she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.
The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her.
When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a
few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The pub landlord looked over and said, 'Oy mate, we wont have any of that carrying on in this pub.'
The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, 'But you don't understand, I am Pastor Fluff.'
The landlord nodded and said, 'Ah well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish.'
One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young
lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.
The Reverend wasn't happy.
He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.
'Miss Fitzgerald,' he said sternly. 'This is no place for a member of my congregation.
Why don't you let me take you home?'
'Sure,' she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.
The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her.
When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a
few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The pub landlord looked over and said, 'Oy mate, we wont have any of that carrying on in this pub.'
The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, 'But you don't understand, I am Pastor Fluff.'
The landlord nodded and said, 'Ah well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish.'
10-01-2008, 01:14 PM
#50
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A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
10-01-2008, 01:28 PM
#51
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A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The flight attendant rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The disgusted attendant gets the head flight attendant who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head attendant doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the attendant gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head attendant asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
The disgusted attendant gets the head flight attendant who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head attendant doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the attendant gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head attendant asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
10-01-2008, 11:03 PM
#53
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National gallery was staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench.
Two of the figures had black dicks, but the one in the middle had a pink dick.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assistance.
He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white,
patriarchal society..."In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink weenie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a young man in a Kentucky T-shirt approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Kentucky coal miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch.
The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench.
Two of the figures had black dicks, but the one in the middle had a pink dick.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assistance.
He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white,
patriarchal society..."In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink weenie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a young man in a Kentucky T-shirt approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Kentucky coal miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch.
10-02-2008, 10:00 AM
#55
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Some of these are HILARIOUS!!!!
10-08-2008, 05:35 PM
#56
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Thread Starter
A joke for Doc Pain
A GUY AND A GIRL MEET AT A BAR. THEY GET ALONG SO WELL THAT THEY
DECIDE TO GO TO THE GIRL'S PLACE. A FEW DRINKS LATER, THE GUY TAKES OFF
HIS SHIRT AND THEN WASHES HIS HANDS. HE THEN TAKES OFF HIS TROUSERS AND
WASHES HIS HANDS AGAIN.
THE GIRL HAS BEEN WATCHING HIM AND SAYS, 'YOU
MUST BE A DENTIST.' THE GUY, SURPRISED, SAYS, 'YES, HOW DID YOU FIGURE
THAT OUT?'
'EASY',SHE REPLIED, 'YOU KEEP WASHING YOUR HANDS.
ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER,
AND THEY MAKE LOVE. AFTER THEY ARE DONE, THE GIRL SAYS, 'YOU MUST BE A
GOOD DENTIST.'
THE GUY, NOW WITH A BOOSTED EGO, SAYS, 'SURE, I AM A GOOD DENTIST. HOW
DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?'
THE GIRL REPLIES... 'I DIDN'T FEEL A THING.'
DECIDE TO GO TO THE GIRL'S PLACE. A FEW DRINKS LATER, THE GUY TAKES OFF
HIS SHIRT AND THEN WASHES HIS HANDS. HE THEN TAKES OFF HIS TROUSERS AND
WASHES HIS HANDS AGAIN.
THE GIRL HAS BEEN WATCHING HIM AND SAYS, 'YOU
MUST BE A DENTIST.' THE GUY, SURPRISED, SAYS, 'YES, HOW DID YOU FIGURE
THAT OUT?'
'EASY',SHE REPLIED, 'YOU KEEP WASHING YOUR HANDS.
ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER,
AND THEY MAKE LOVE. AFTER THEY ARE DONE, THE GIRL SAYS, 'YOU MUST BE A
GOOD DENTIST.'
THE GUY, NOW WITH A BOOSTED EGO, SAYS, 'SURE, I AM A GOOD DENTIST. HOW
DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?'
THE GIRL REPLIES... 'I DIDN'T FEEL A THING.'
10-17-2008, 07:22 PM
#58
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Thread Starter
Joke for the Week
What's the difference between a Hedge Fund Manager and a pigeon?
A pidgeon can still leave a deposit on a Ferrari.
A pidgeon can still leave a deposit on a Ferrari.
11-06-2008, 02:58 PM
#59
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Thread Starter
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster
says 'Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.' The blonde starts
crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible.
'Confused, he says,'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is that risk involved.'
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'
says 'Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.' The blonde starts
crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible.
'Confused, he says,'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is that risk involved.'
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'
