Joke for the day
09-09-2008, 10:59 PM
#16
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Is it possible that the term "maladroit" comes (not ****, VR) to mind? ROFL. Hang on . . . I think I need another drinkee. 
09-09-2008, 11:31 PM
#17
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09-11-2008, 09:33 PM
#18
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In Bonnie's future?
After nearly 35 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to massage her in ways that he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly working his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this gentle caressing, she said in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful! Why did you stop?"
To which he responded: "I found the remote."
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly working his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this gentle caressing, she said in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful! Why did you stop?"
To which he responded: "I found the remote."
09-12-2008, 10:57 AM
#23
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A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother
replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her
drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks, "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother
replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her
drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks, "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
09-25-2008, 11:53 AM
#25
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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
VR the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to
touch them, but he was compelled to try.
One day VR revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Bull the
Physician, chief doctor to the King.
Bull thought about this and said that he could arrange for VR to more
than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 100 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause VR readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Bull made a batch of itching powder and poured a little
bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Bull
informed the King and Queen
that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type
of itch, and that tests had shown that
only the saliva of VR would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned VR to their chambers.
Bull then slipped VR the antidote for the itching powder, which he put
into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
VR worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and VR left satisfied and
hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, VR found Bull demanding his payment of
100 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, VR couldn't have cared less,
knowing that Bull could never report this matter to the King, and with a
laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Bull slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder
into the King's underwear.
The King immediately summoned VR.
The moral of the story - Always Pay Your Debts
VR the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to
touch them, but he was compelled to try.
One day VR revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Bull the
Physician, chief doctor to the King.
Bull thought about this and said that he could arrange for VR to more
than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 100 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause VR readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Bull made a batch of itching powder and poured a little
bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Bull
informed the King and Queen
that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type
of itch, and that tests had shown that
only the saliva of VR would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned VR to their chambers.
Bull then slipped VR the antidote for the itching powder, which he put
into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
VR worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and VR left satisfied and
hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, VR found Bull demanding his payment of
100 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, VR couldn't have cared less,
knowing that Bull could never report this matter to the King, and with a
laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Bull slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder
into the King's underwear.
The King immediately summoned VR.
The moral of the story - Always Pay Your Debts
09-25-2008, 12:21 PM
#27
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lol
09-25-2008, 07:27 PM
#29
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Church
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the
preacher's hand He said 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine
sermon. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five
thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No ****?'
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the
preacher's hand He said 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine
sermon. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five
thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No ****?'
09-25-2008, 07:28 PM
#30
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Pancakes
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their
little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his
rather small *****.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him
pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there
was a large stack of warm
pan cakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied . 'The rest are for your father.
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their
little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his
rather small *****.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him
pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there
was a large stack of warm
pan cakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied . 'The rest are for your father.