Joke for the day
02-09-2009, 12:28 PM
#168
Track Day
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Old Dominion
Posts: 16
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car???!!!”
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”
So the parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they said.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “I don’t know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a cheap Porsche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh my Goodness,” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? Frank, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”
So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”
So the parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they said.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “I don’t know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a cheap Porsche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh my Goodness,” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? Frank, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”
So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
02-09-2009, 06:41 PM
#169
Banned
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: KY
Posts: 397
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A women is concerned her husband is getting a little heavy, so she turns to him and says "Honey, if you lose 20 pounds, I'll dance for you".
Hubby fires straight back "if you lose 10 pounds, I might watch"
Hubby fires straight back "if you lose 10 pounds, I might watch"
02-12-2009, 11:00 AM
#171
Addict
Rennlist Lifetime Member
Rennlist Lifetime Member
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my f ather will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Some women are so much better at financial planning than men.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my f ather will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Some women are so much better at financial planning than men.
02-13-2009, 10:10 AM
#172
Addict
Rennlist Member
Rennlist Member
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the heck was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I >want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Porsche's in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the heck was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I >want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Porsche's in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
03-02-2010, 02:11 AM
#174
Rennlist Member
As I'm just about 60, a friend asked if I knew the following three rules to live by at 60:
Never pass up a urinal..
Never trust a fart...
and never ignore an erection... even if you're by yourself!!
Never pass up a urinal..
Never trust a fart...
and never ignore an erection... even if you're by yourself!!
03-02-2010, 02:26 AM
#175
Moderator and 993 whisperer
Lifetime Rennlist
Member
Lifetime Rennlist
Member
07-07-2010, 10:26 PM
#177
I was in Lowe's the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart. I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big breasts, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
I'm just helpful like that.
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big breasts, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
I'm just helpful like that.
