Let's start 2008 with a REALLY crappy joke
#1
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Thread Starter
Let's start 2008 with a REALLY crappy joke
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets," and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
#4
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Thread Starter
Silence, knaves.
#7
Hopefully this isn't a repeat, but it's bad at any rate.....
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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#9
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In pharmacology, all drugs have two names. They each have a trade name
and a generic name. For example, the trade name for Tylenol is
acetaminophen. Aleve is known as naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, and
Advil is ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for
Viagra. After consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
announced it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also
considered were mycoxafalin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud,
dixafix, and of course ibepokin.
Pfizer Corporation is making an announcement today that Viagra will soon
be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a
power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign
claims it will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a
stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink. This
additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just
a good old fashioned stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount & Do.
and a generic name. For example, the trade name for Tylenol is
acetaminophen. Aleve is known as naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, and
Advil is ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for
Viagra. After consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
announced it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also
considered were mycoxafalin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud,
dixafix, and of course ibepokin.
Pfizer Corporation is making an announcement today that Viagra will soon
be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a
power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign
claims it will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a
stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink. This
additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just
a good old fashioned stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of Mount & Do.
#12
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.
One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive."
One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive."
#13
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What's the difference between a Circus Side Show and a Las Vegas Chorus Line?
Well, the first is a cunning array of stunts.
Well, the first is a cunning array of stunts.
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Larry Herman
2016 Ford Transit Connect Titanium LWB
2018 Tesla Model 3 - Electricity can be fun!
Retired Club Racer & National PCA Instructor
Past Flames:
1994 RS America Club Racer
2004 GT3 Track Car
1984 911 Carrera Club Racer
1974 914/4 2.0 Track Car
CLICK HERE to see some of my ancient racing videos.
Larry Herman
2016 Ford Transit Connect Titanium LWB
2018 Tesla Model 3 - Electricity can be fun!
Retired Club Racer & National PCA Instructor
Past Flames:
1994 RS America Club Racer
2004 GT3 Track Car
1984 911 Carrera Club Racer
1974 914/4 2.0 Track Car
CLICK HERE to see some of my ancient racing videos.