Porsche Jokes anyone.....
08-20-2003, 08:01 PM
#1
Three Wheelin'
Thread Starter
Porsche Jokes anyone.....
Please keem em clean!
A man stopped at a traffic light in his brand new Rolls Royce. A
bright red Porsche pulls up beside him, rolled down his window and
excitedly entices the Rolls driver to do the same.
"Whatya want?" asked the first man.
"Hey, nice wheels you got there!" said the Porsche driver, "Does that
car have a TV?"
The Rolls Royce driver replied, "Of course this car has a TV! Are you
nuts? I paid $250,000 for this car! There isn't any option this baby
is missing."
"Oh, yeah?" said the Porsche driver, "Do you have a bar in there?"
"Naturally, in fact I have two. One for the driver and one in back for
the passenger!" exclaimed the Rolls Royce driver.
"Sounds terrific," said the Porsche driver, "But I'll bet you don't
have a bed in there do you?"
The light turned green and the red Porsche speed off. The Rolls Royce
stayed put while the driver pondered that last retort. Then he drove
back to the dealership and told the Sales Manager that he just had to
have a bed in the back of the car. The Sales Manager told him that for
a price he can have any option he wanted. They agree on the price of
the bed and the man left.
Two days later, the man returned and picked up his car with the bed
installed in the back. He drove his Rolls Royce all over town in
search of the red Porsche so he could gloat about his new option.
After four hours his search ended when he found the Porsche in a
cul-de-sac. He pulled along side the other car and seeing no one
around, honked his horn. When no one came out he leaned on the horn
until the driver's window of the red Porsche opened and a naked man
leaned out; he is soaking wet. He exclaimed, "What's your problem now
bud?"
The other man replied, "Well I did it! Now I have a bed in the back
of my Rolls Royce!"
The naked man in the Porsche looked at him and yelled, "You got me out
of my shower for THAT?!!"
A man stopped at a traffic light in his brand new Rolls Royce. A
bright red Porsche pulls up beside him, rolled down his window and
excitedly entices the Rolls driver to do the same.
"Whatya want?" asked the first man.
"Hey, nice wheels you got there!" said the Porsche driver, "Does that
car have a TV?"
The Rolls Royce driver replied, "Of course this car has a TV! Are you
nuts? I paid $250,000 for this car! There isn't any option this baby
is missing."
"Oh, yeah?" said the Porsche driver, "Do you have a bar in there?"
"Naturally, in fact I have two. One for the driver and one in back for
the passenger!" exclaimed the Rolls Royce driver.
"Sounds terrific," said the Porsche driver, "But I'll bet you don't
have a bed in there do you?"
The light turned green and the red Porsche speed off. The Rolls Royce
stayed put while the driver pondered that last retort. Then he drove
back to the dealership and told the Sales Manager that he just had to
have a bed in the back of the car. The Sales Manager told him that for
a price he can have any option he wanted. They agree on the price of
the bed and the man left.
Two days later, the man returned and picked up his car with the bed
installed in the back. He drove his Rolls Royce all over town in
search of the red Porsche so he could gloat about his new option.
After four hours his search ended when he found the Porsche in a
cul-de-sac. He pulled along side the other car and seeing no one
around, honked his horn. When no one came out he leaned on the horn
until the driver's window of the red Porsche opened and a naked man
leaned out; he is soaking wet. He exclaimed, "What's your problem now
bud?"
The other man replied, "Well I did it! Now I have a bed in the back
of my Rolls Royce!"
The naked man in the Porsche looked at him and yelled, "You got me out
of my shower for THAT?!!"
08-20-2003, 08:10 PM
#2
Three Wheelin'
Thread Starter
PORSHE 911 TWIN TURBO VS MOPED
A very self-important young man goes out and buys what he believes is the best car available: a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world.
That night, he takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a mo-ped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It cost me $100,000."
"That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why do they cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 180 miles an hour!" states the young man proudly.
The mo-ped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds the speedometer reads 120 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Porsche 911 Turbo?" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the mo-ped!
"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a mo-ped outrun a Porsche 911 Turbo?"
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh-BLAMMM! It plows into the back of his car. The young man jumps out. It is the old man!
Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror, please."
A very self-important young man goes out and buys what he believes is the best car available: a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world.
That night, he takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a mo-ped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It cost me $100,000."
"That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why do they cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 180 miles an hour!" states the young man proudly.
The mo-ped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds the speedometer reads 120 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Porsche 911 Turbo?" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the mo-ped!
"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a mo-ped outrun a Porsche 911 Turbo?"
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh-BLAMMM! It plows into the back of his car. The young man jumps out. It is the old man!
Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror, please."
08-20-2003, 08:18 PM
#3
Three Wheelin'
Thread Starter
OK this is sexist but it is still funny......
GUY IN PORSCHE PULLED OVER FOR SPEEDING
A fellow bought a new Porsche and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Porsche," he thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, 100..... "What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer.
GUY IN PORSCHE PULLED OVER FOR SPEEDING
A fellow bought a new Porsche and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Porsche," he thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, 100..... "What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer.
08-22-2003, 12:01 AM
#5
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A dumb guy driving a Porsche sees another dumb guy with a Porsche broken down on the side of the road. He stops to see if he can help.
The guy with the broken Porsche tells him, "I just had a look under the hood, and there's nothing there. Somebody must have stolen the engine while I was driving!"
To which the other guy replies , "Oh, no problem, I have a spare in the back of my mine."
The guy with the broken Porsche tells him, "I just had a look under the hood, and there's nothing there. Somebody must have stolen the engine while I was driving!"
To which the other guy replies , "Oh, no problem, I have a spare in the back of my mine."
08-22-2003, 03:31 AM
#6
Rennlist Member
This was featured in car and driver a while back
What's the difference between a cactus and a Porsche?
On the cactus, the ***** is on the outside.
Yeah, made me mad too.
What's the difference between a cactus and a Porsche?
On the cactus, the ***** is on the outside.
Yeah, made me mad too.
08-22-2003, 09:59 PM
#7
Three Wheelin'
Thread Starter
That's it guys keep em comin.....
Fred was walking down the street, when his best friend Joe pulled up in a brand new Porsche.
"Where the hell did you get Porsche?", Fred asked in disbelief.
"Well," Joe replied, "Last night I was at a bar and started dancing with this girl. When the bar closed, she motions for me to follow her. We jump in her Porsche, and drive off into the mountains. She stops, jumps out of the car, takes off all her clothes, and tells me, 'You can have anything you want.' So I took the car."
"That was pretty smart", said Fred, "Seeing as how her clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
Fred was walking down the street, when his best friend Joe pulled up in a brand new Porsche.
"Where the hell did you get Porsche?", Fred asked in disbelief.
"Well," Joe replied, "Last night I was at a bar and started dancing with this girl. When the bar closed, she motions for me to follow her. We jump in her Porsche, and drive off into the mountains. She stops, jumps out of the car, takes off all her clothes, and tells me, 'You can have anything you want.' So I took the car."
"That was pretty smart", said Fred, "Seeing as how her clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
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08-23-2003, 06:52 AM
#8
Three Wheelin'
Thread Starter
This guy is cruisin through the country in his brand new twin turbo
Porsche 911 when he notices his gas is running low. So he pulls into
the next gas station.
Gas attendant asks him "What can I do for you sir?"
"Fill ‘er up with high octane," replies the driver.
While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking the car up and down.
"What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."
"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy
is a twin turbo Porsche 911. It's one of the fastest cars in the world."
"Wow! What it got in it?" asks the attendant.
"Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It’s loaded with power steering, power seats,
power mirrors, Bose 100 watt per channel 8 speaker stereo system with a 10 deck CD player
in the trunk, air cooled disk brakes, leather interior, digital instruments, and best of all,
a rear driven flat-6 3.6 ltr engine that'l do 190 mph and 0 to 60 in 4 seconds flat."
"Wow," says the attendant, "that’s really something!"
"How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver.
"That’ll be $30.17," says the attendant.
The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other
pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.
"What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant.
"That’s what I put my ***** on when I drive," says the driver.
"Wow," says the attendant, "those Porsche people think of everything!"
Porsche 911 when he notices his gas is running low. So he pulls into
the next gas station.
Gas attendant asks him "What can I do for you sir?"
"Fill ‘er up with high octane," replies the driver.
While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking the car up and down.
"What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."
"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy
is a twin turbo Porsche 911. It's one of the fastest cars in the world."
"Wow! What it got in it?" asks the attendant.
"Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It’s loaded with power steering, power seats,
power mirrors, Bose 100 watt per channel 8 speaker stereo system with a 10 deck CD player
in the trunk, air cooled disk brakes, leather interior, digital instruments, and best of all,
a rear driven flat-6 3.6 ltr engine that'l do 190 mph and 0 to 60 in 4 seconds flat."
"Wow," says the attendant, "that’s really something!"
"How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver.
"That’ll be $30.17," says the attendant.
The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other
pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.
"What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant.
"That’s what I put my ***** on when I drive," says the driver.
"Wow," says the attendant, "those Porsche people think of everything!"
08-25-2003, 08:01 PM
#11
Three Wheelin'
Thread Starter
Oh OK then......
There was this blonde applying for a job and saw a sign that said needed for paint job. So she went to the house and knocked on the door.
She said,I'm here for the paint job;and the guy said,Ok.Here's the paint I want you to paint the porch.
She said, No Problem, and set off to work. She finished the first coating and decided because it didn't take very long she would give it a second coat.
She finished the second and knocked on the door. She said, I gave it two coats and oh,by the way, It's not a porsche, It's a Lexus.
There was this blonde applying for a job and saw a sign that said needed for paint job. So she went to the house and knocked on the door.
She said,I'm here for the paint job;and the guy said,Ok.Here's the paint I want you to paint the porch.
She said, No Problem, and set off to work. She finished the first coating and decided because it didn't take very long she would give it a second coat.
She finished the second and knocked on the door. She said, I gave it two coats and oh,by the way, It's not a porsche, It's a Lexus.
08-25-2003, 08:03 PM
#12
Three Wheelin'
Thread Starter
And if you think the last one was sexist towards females.....this one'e for the gals...
A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche!New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke,but thought it was worth a shot.So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.
"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house.
"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"
"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."
A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche!New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke,but thought it was worth a shot.So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.
"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house.
"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"
"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."
