RodKnock

Uh, don't get it.

Sneaky Pete

Instead of offering a mocha chocka locka the shop gives you a swift kick in the family jewels to go along with that nice shop bill. I'd rather have that (not really that) instead of free coffee thinking they are doing you a favor.

5CHN3LL

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

-I. Montoya

5CHN3LL

The official Rennlist "I have too much money to drive a 996" DIY:

1) Drive your 996 to the bank and withdraw $10,000 - $50,000.
2) Drive home.
3) Pile the money in your driveway.
4) Add an accelerant to the pile of money. Carb cleaner and gasoline work nicely.***
5) Once night falls, light the money on fire. **
6) Using the flaming pile of charred Benjamins for illumination, repeatedly check the time on your Rolex.
7) Holy sh*t! Jeopardy just started! Run upstairs to think of responses phrased as questions.

If you made it all the way through number 7, congratulations! You no longer have excessive money in your account that might tempt you to upgrade to a newer 911.*

*You may need to repeat this process several times if you find you still have excessive cash remaining.

**Depending on where you live, you may suddenly find Amanda Bynes next to you with a pack of matches. Do not be alarmed - Ms. Bynes just enjoys a good driveway fire and is otherwise harmless.

***If you reside in the state of California, you may find that the pathetic excuse for gas sold at our gas stations sometimes refuses to burn. Strips of California condor and baby panda cubes added to the money may help kindle your environmentally friendly blaze.

Variations: In addition to burning the cash, you may also want to invest in some bent-up aluminum covered with fake carbon fiber to bolt up just forward of the front wheels. In addition to providing an effective way to reduce excessive savings, this will also help you "straighten the air" as you drive. Many GOP lawmakers and their alchemists believe that straight air can help relieve deviant thoughts, so take pride in the fact that you are helping conservatives stamp out thought crime at the same time you're displaying exquisitely good taste once thought common only among the McLaren and Ferrari-driving elite.

Wait, no, don't take pride. That came out wrong. Dammit!

FRUNKenstein

Here, thanks to the magic of the internet, is the multi-media version of that quote for your viewing pleasure:



Way to dump some gas on that - I'm sure Brother Buddha thanks you.

Cuda911

Thanks for the repost, Schnelly. I somehow totally missed Astroglide's post. Where's the fun in being insulted if you don't even know that you've been insulted by the illiterati?

DTMiller

Periodically someone will offer up a wasteful and truly mind bendingly stupid use for a small but not insignificant sum of money. Like take the 4 year old to an expensive restaurant or the like. I usually counter with "why don't we just take $300 and literally light it on fire. Same end result and we'll get to tell people about the time we lit $300 on fire to watch it burn."

To think, Johnny Iretard could have lit $8000 on fire and still had $1000 and a great story!

dwdunn

Is that Caitlin Jenner?!

Cuda911

You mean this? I don't think so, but not 100% certain. Johnny, you'll never get out of that HUD housing at this rate!

5CHN3LL

He's done it in a couple of threads now, so I suspect he thinks it's clever.

But again, he also let some feller bolt some vinyl-covered aluminum stock to his car, so judgment is suspect at this point.

I have found some other accessories to go with the "air straighteners..."

5CHN3LL

Don't be so coarse. That is "Section VIII" living at its finest.

CDLVancouver

this comes to mind as well...haha

Alansglide

Sorry, next time I'll try to make it more prominent for you.

O, and schnell, I'm sure those would look perfect on your plastic corvette. Not fitting for a Porsche.

5CHN3LL

You're absolutely right - tacky aero elements would look ridiculous on my plastic Corvette.

They are MUCH better suited to your 996, Accords, and Civics. Congrats on keeping such exclusive company when choosing mods.

5CHN3LL

I even found one in fake carbon fiber. It's pretty cool that you can roll with the youngsters, and inspirational that you're adding items to your $80,000 911 to make the car more appealing to the low-budget import tuner crowd.



If you ever find yourself at the drag strip, be sure to line up with a crappy plastic Corvette like mine and do a couple of runs. I'm sure your "air straighteners" will help you get down the track in record time.

Funny, you weren't on the list of people I expected to see cracking wise about visually appalling mods that yield no discernible benefit...