OT: Father Dying of Cancer
10-06-2009, 11:42 PM
#31
Addict
Lifetime Rennlist
Member
Lifetime Rennlist
Member
First and foremost, Prayers for your Father, you and your family. Very tough circumstances.
How easy would it be to change doctors? We have been hearing recently about all of the 'bad' things about your medical system in Canada. It'd be interesting to hear about it from someone actually living it.
Maybe that can account for the attitude if the doctor thinks there is no other alternative, or one that would take too long to try and change.
How easy would it be to change doctors? We have been hearing recently about all of the 'bad' things about your medical system in Canada. It'd be interesting to hear about it from someone actually living it.
Maybe that can account for the attitude if the doctor thinks there is no other alternative, or one that would take too long to try and change.
10-06-2009, 11:51 PM
#32
Racer
Thread Starter
Scott,
Gastric cancer is an unfortunate diagnosis and a 'cure' is difficult even when the tumour is caught early. Partial gastrectomy is usually the surgical approach, but when things spread an operation simply becomes a way to kill the patient earlier than the cancer.
Chemo is not unreasonable as a strategy to debulk the tumour and buy time. It all boils down to quality of life - i.e. will you gain a few weeks/months on chemo but feel ****ty all the time, versus enjoy the time left without the potentially nasty side effects of treatment?
Whatever the choice, your father will still need nutrition, which may require a G or J-tube. Adequate nutrition can be just as big a factor in maximizing his survival time as chemo. If he's having trouble swallowing pills, it sounds like you need to look at options in this regard.
Lastly, pain control (opiods) and bowel management (avoiding constipation from the pain meds) will also be key factors re. quality of life.
Now - on the last and most important topic - this doctor's behaviour. Personally, I find it embarassing to the profession, and anyone caring for Oncology patients who behaves like that needs to have their head re-arranged with a 2x4. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that on top of your father's illness.
I've PM'd you my phone number and I'm happy to help both re. connecting you to the BC College of Physicians and Surgeons and with sourcing a second opinion/alternate physician.
Regards,
Matt
Gastric cancer is an unfortunate diagnosis and a 'cure' is difficult even when the tumour is caught early. Partial gastrectomy is usually the surgical approach, but when things spread an operation simply becomes a way to kill the patient earlier than the cancer.
Chemo is not unreasonable as a strategy to debulk the tumour and buy time. It all boils down to quality of life - i.e. will you gain a few weeks/months on chemo but feel ****ty all the time, versus enjoy the time left without the potentially nasty side effects of treatment?
Whatever the choice, your father will still need nutrition, which may require a G or J-tube. Adequate nutrition can be just as big a factor in maximizing his survival time as chemo. If he's having trouble swallowing pills, it sounds like you need to look at options in this regard.
Lastly, pain control (opiods) and bowel management (avoiding constipation from the pain meds) will also be key factors re. quality of life.
Now - on the last and most important topic - this doctor's behaviour. Personally, I find it embarassing to the profession, and anyone caring for Oncology patients who behaves like that needs to have their head re-arranged with a 2x4. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that on top of your father's illness.
I've PM'd you my phone number and I'm happy to help both re. connecting you to the BC College of Physicians and Surgeons and with sourcing a second opinion/alternate physician.
Regards,
Matt
-Thanks Matt I will definitely call you for names and numbers if my brother doesn't make this right moving forward. I talked to him today and he said he would take charge on any visits to the Cancer Doctor.
I wish all Doctors had your compassion and willingness to help people without a second thought and I agree with Tal - you are a star
Thanks to to everyone for all your best wishes and giving me feedback and positive energy through your own personal experiences along with sending me PMs with your phone numbers to a stranger who's only connection to all of you is his love of this forum and the people who surf it.
The Rennlist Spirit is definitely alive and well.
( rcwelch phoned me and offered to look after my daughter if I had to go up in a moments notice- What a buddy!!Today my dad took his first dose of the Capecitabine (Chemo Drug)and I am hoping for the best moving forward. I have been seeing him every weekend and will be up and down through the border a lot -time for a Nexus pass.
Thanks again Rennlist Brothers.
10-07-2009, 08:14 AM
#33
Racer
Scott,
Gastric cancer is an unfortunate diagnosis and a 'cure' is difficult even when the tumour is caught early. Partial gastrectomy is usually the surgical approach, but when things spread an operation simply becomes a way to kill the patient earlier than the cancer.
Chemo is not unreasonable as a strategy to debulk the tumour and buy time. It all boils down to quality of life - i.e. will you gain a few weeks/months on chemo but feel ****ty all the time, versus enjoy the time left without the potentially nasty side effects of treatment?
Whatever the choice, your father will still need nutrition, which may require a G or J-tube. Adequate nutrition can be just as big a factor in maximizing his survival time as chemo. If he's having trouble swallowing pills, it sounds like you need to look at options in this regard.
Lastly, pain control (opiods) and bowel management (avoiding constipation from the pain meds) will also be key factors re. quality of life.
Now - on the last and most important topic - this doctor's behaviour. Personally, I find it embarassing to the profession, and anyone caring for Oncology patients who behaves like that needs to have their head re-arranged with a 2x4. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that on top of your father's illness.
I've PM'd you my phone number and I'm happy to help both re. connecting you to the BC College of Physicians and Surgeons and with sourcing a second opinion/alternate physician.
Regards,
Matt
Gastric cancer is an unfortunate diagnosis and a 'cure' is difficult even when the tumour is caught early. Partial gastrectomy is usually the surgical approach, but when things spread an operation simply becomes a way to kill the patient earlier than the cancer.
Chemo is not unreasonable as a strategy to debulk the tumour and buy time. It all boils down to quality of life - i.e. will you gain a few weeks/months on chemo but feel ****ty all the time, versus enjoy the time left without the potentially nasty side effects of treatment?
Whatever the choice, your father will still need nutrition, which may require a G or J-tube. Adequate nutrition can be just as big a factor in maximizing his survival time as chemo. If he's having trouble swallowing pills, it sounds like you need to look at options in this regard.
Lastly, pain control (opiods) and bowel management (avoiding constipation from the pain meds) will also be key factors re. quality of life.
Now - on the last and most important topic - this doctor's behaviour. Personally, I find it embarassing to the profession, and anyone caring for Oncology patients who behaves like that needs to have their head re-arranged with a 2x4. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that on top of your father's illness.
I've PM'd you my phone number and I'm happy to help both re. connecting you to the BC College of Physicians and Surgeons and with sourcing a second opinion/alternate physician.
Regards,
Matt
10-07-2009, 10:32 AM
#34
Drifting
My thoughts and prayers for your dad, you, and your family. I know what you are going through. My grandmother in Vancouver had the same cancer in the early 80's when the treatment options were pretty limited. I was making the cross border drive weekly to spend as much time with her as I could until she lost her battle at VGH. My wife lost her mother to stomach cancer the same year we met six years ago in Richmond B.C. I never had the opportunity to meet her. Most recently I lost my own dad to cancer of the liver, two years ago. I remember the candor that his oncologist had as he informed our family of his prognosis. It was an early December morning, the news was devastating, as we were told that there were no known treatment options except for an experimental one in CA. The cancer growth was swift and we lost my dad the following February. He spent his final days in the care of the wonderful staff at Evergreen Hospital Hospice in Kirkland.
Try to spend as much time with your dad while he is still alert and in a good state of mind. The ability to communicate deteriorates to frustrating levels when the narcotic pain threapy treatments begin. Take your dad to another doctor, as the description you have provided definitely merits a report to the chief of staff for that facility.
While you and your family are assisting your dad, also remember to take care of yourselves.
Keep your spirits and hope high.
Try to spend as much time with your dad while he is still alert and in a good state of mind. The ability to communicate deteriorates to frustrating levels when the narcotic pain threapy treatments begin. Take your dad to another doctor, as the description you have provided definitely merits a report to the chief of staff for that facility.
While you and your family are assisting your dad, also remember to take care of yourselves.
Keep your spirits and hope high.
10-07-2009, 10:50 AM
#35
Rennlist Member
My thoughts are with you, Scott. When my Dad was in the hospital, I sometimes had to be his voice, protector and advocate. Use kindness and diplomacy first and, failing that, do what you need to do to make sure your dad gets the care that he needs, being the iron fist in the velvet glove, if necessary. I found that people took notice when the "nice and sweet patient's son" went into no-nonsense, scorch-the-earth mode.
The stories I could tell about some of the arrogant and sadistic doctors I encountered . . . one of whom cut into my paralyzed and voiceless Dad . . . without administering enough anesthesia . . . while blood was dripping down my Dad's chest, neck and face . . . while my Dad was silently screaming for the doctor to stop . . . while the horrified respiratory therapists and nurses looked on helplessly. I wish I were making this sh*t up. Scorch the earth I did that week.
Again, my heartfelt thoughts go out to you, your dad and your family.
The stories I could tell about some of the arrogant and sadistic doctors I encountered . . . one of whom cut into my paralyzed and voiceless Dad . . . without administering enough anesthesia . . . while blood was dripping down my Dad's chest, neck and face . . . while my Dad was silently screaming for the doctor to stop . . . while the horrified respiratory therapists and nurses looked on helplessly. I wish I were making this sh*t up. Scorch the earth I did that week.
Again, my heartfelt thoughts go out to you, your dad and your family.
10-07-2009, 03:34 PM
#36
Addict
Rennlist Member
Rennlist Member
Hi Scott -
Not sure what I can add except to say that I've walked in your shoes. Take good care of yourself, so you can be there for your family.
I'd like to think theres a special place in hell for this MD - if he hates people and his job so much why is he doing it? Sheesh!
Being with your Dad will help his quailty of life, it was a rallying point for mine. Even though he lost his battle in the end I'll always remember the time we spent together, when it seemed to matter the most.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Best wishes and God speed.
Not sure what I can add except to say that I've walked in your shoes. Take good care of yourself, so you can be there for your family.
I'd like to think theres a special place in hell for this MD - if he hates people and his job so much why is he doing it? Sheesh!
Being with your Dad will help his quailty of life, it was a rallying point for mine. Even though he lost his battle in the end I'll always remember the time we spent together, when it seemed to matter the most.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Best wishes and God speed.
10-07-2009, 05:09 PM
#37
Scott, sorry to hear about your father - I'll say a prayer for him. I read this thread a couple days ago and have been thinking about it.
The doctor is an ***. Report him to whatever athorities seem appropriate. I would go above the hospital, if possible. I would suggest breaking his jaw, but I doubt that would really accomplish anything.
As a mildly related, possibly encouraging story: 4 years ago my Dad went to the hospital to get some persistent back pain checked out. They did an x-ray of his torso and caught something in the edge of it. They went back and checked again and found a rather large tumor on his kidney. At that time there was no treatment for renal cancer. This was too far along anyway, so they had to remove the kidney. Surgery went okay, but the doctors warned that it would likely be back. Again, there was no chemo, radiation, or anything else for renal cell, so we just had to keep an eye on it and wait.
2 years later they found it again. I was a bit upset because despite having CAT or PET scans every 6 months, when it did show up, they found 5 spots on both lungs, liver, and lymph nodes. Now there was a medicine available on the market, though it is very new. Oral drug that he did 3 week cycles on. He showed continuous improvement for about 9 months, until they couldn't find any of the spots anymore, so they let him get off the medicine. He did have side effects from the meds, but only when he was on them.
About a year later they have found it again. He's gone through 2 cycles of the medicine again and is is working better than before. The doctors are shocked at how well his system is responding. The side effects (serious loss of energy, graying hair, mild hair loss, etc.) are still there, but he is dealing with them. His attitude has been fantastic all along and his doctors have been very supportive. He just told me last night "I am gonna beat it and if it comes back, I'll just beat it again." Here here, Dad.
Try to be there for your Dad and don't let his spirit be defeated. Sounds like Matt provided some wonderful advice above. Godspeed, brother.
The doctor is an ***. Report him to whatever athorities seem appropriate. I would go above the hospital, if possible. I would suggest breaking his jaw, but I doubt that would really accomplish anything.
As a mildly related, possibly encouraging story: 4 years ago my Dad went to the hospital to get some persistent back pain checked out. They did an x-ray of his torso and caught something in the edge of it. They went back and checked again and found a rather large tumor on his kidney. At that time there was no treatment for renal cancer. This was too far along anyway, so they had to remove the kidney. Surgery went okay, but the doctors warned that it would likely be back. Again, there was no chemo, radiation, or anything else for renal cell, so we just had to keep an eye on it and wait.
2 years later they found it again. I was a bit upset because despite having CAT or PET scans every 6 months, when it did show up, they found 5 spots on both lungs, liver, and lymph nodes. Now there was a medicine available on the market, though it is very new. Oral drug that he did 3 week cycles on. He showed continuous improvement for about 9 months, until they couldn't find any of the spots anymore, so they let him get off the medicine. He did have side effects from the meds, but only when he was on them.
About a year later they have found it again. He's gone through 2 cycles of the medicine again and is is working better than before. The doctors are shocked at how well his system is responding. The side effects (serious loss of energy, graying hair, mild hair loss, etc.) are still there, but he is dealing with them. His attitude has been fantastic all along and his doctors have been very supportive. He just told me last night "I am gonna beat it and if it comes back, I'll just beat it again." Here here, Dad.
Try to be there for your Dad and don't let his spirit be defeated. Sounds like Matt provided some wonderful advice above. Godspeed, brother.
10-07-2009, 09:00 PM
#38
So sorry to hear of this. I can't stand to hear stories like this...it really, gets under my skin.
All Hospitals have a Grievance and Complaint system/process and they track physicians who exceed established thresholds for complaints/per patient encounters. File a formal complaint, and DEMAND to have him changed to a physician who is a "human" not a callous robot. Also, research the regulatory agency that monitors and audits the hospital, and file a complaint with them too.
All Hospitals have a Grievance and Complaint system/process and they track physicians who exceed established thresholds for complaints/per patient encounters. File a formal complaint, and DEMAND to have him changed to a physician who is a "human" not a callous robot. Also, research the regulatory agency that monitors and audits the hospital, and file a complaint with them too.
