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haHA, guess what pulled up!!

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Old 12-09-2004, 08:47 PM
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Dunasso
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Default haHA, guess what pulled up!!

Has everyone seen the new Dodge station wagon with the Hemi? LOL!! Well, there's a commercial on TV with a Red one running along side what appears to be a Silver Lotus Esprit. When they come to a stop the 45ish looking gentleman in the Lotus acts all surprised by the awsome performance of that mass produced red piece of crap. Rolling down his window, he asks the 25ish looking dude, What's in that thing?

Yeap, that's right, as if he really would care.

Now you have to ask yourself, should that be the otherway around? Wouldn't you think that the SW owner should be asking the questions? Afterall it is a HEMI !!! right? I mean that IS supposed to be the end all be all of american horsepower right?

To put you all at rest I actaully got my turn at the light, and it felt good to.
You see, One of those mass produced hunks of crap just so happened to pull up next to me in my lowly little six cylinder PORSCHE. As I was admiring the shear hideousness of the thing and it's grotesch factory orange peeled black paint job, I happened to glance into the cockpit to see that too familiar look of a stary eyed car salesman, eager for some competition. He was knodding his head and pointing at the hood. Like, you don't want to mess with the POWER OF THE ALL MIGHTY HEMI.

So I sat there at the light trying to ignore the innevitable, while waiting for the green. But, all I here is GUGLE,GURGLE,RRRUUM, over and over. So I looked at him Laughed, and made my acknowlegemnts with my lowly little 3.6ltr 6 cylinder trembling in fear of defeat from the sound of that hungry V-8 HEMI (yea right). I really don't need to tell you what happened next. It was just plain NASTY!

When the light changed it was all over. The look of horror that flooded the cockpit of the Hemi powered wagon. I could see him pounding the steering wheel in my rearveiw as my little six cylinder blew his doors clean off through second gear. When I changed to third gear at 70mph, I was 4-5 car links ahead. At this point I had to ask myself, what kind of victory was that? I just raced a station wagon for God sakes!! At that moment a swoosh of black went by screaming its guts out, and again, it was all I could do to contain myself. You see, I had already quit and had the P-car in 5th, cruisin' at 65mph.

This is where bad goes to worse. I was vissualizing this guy back at the dealership telling all his buddies and potential buyers how that piece of crap outran a Porsche. Well for heaven's sake I can't afford a rash of these things giving me or my fellow entheusiests a hard time in the future. It's bad enough we have to put up with every redneck moron in a Mustang, so back into third we go.

We met again at the next light where sure enough he was grinnin from ear to ear, like the cat that ate the canary. Thats when I hear him say, it just doesn't have the top end does it? You got me off the line though. That's when I returned the comment, "You are obviously delousional", if you follow me down 264 I'll show you what top speed is all about.

He eagerly agreed.

Leaving the light same as before, he never got the chance to pass again. After 110, 115,120,130,145, He had faded rather fast. I approached and came to a stop at the end of the exit offramp and he pulled up soon enough. The first words out of his mouth were " You must have just been playin' with me back there" I knodded as he acknowleged his defeat and then drove off slowly.

Duncan
Old 12-09-2004, 08:50 PM
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bhensarl
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One word...
Awesome.
Brian
Old 12-09-2004, 09:15 PM
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sydney911
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Duncan,

You're a LEGEND!!! I love it! I love it! I love it!
and this is from someone who's owned a couple of V8's before.
A Holden Premier with a 307 Chev with the works and a Holden Monaro with a 350 chevy with the works! these are both Australian produced GM cars in case you're not familiar with them.
even at that stage i knew enough about Prosches to give them due respect!
Love your work dude
cheers
Al
Old 12-09-2004, 09:25 PM
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Tom W
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At a DE this summer a guy showed up with one of those "hemi" beasts. It wasn't much faster than the occasional pick-up truck that someone takes out for fun. It also never lasted a full session because the brakes would heat up and fade away after about 10 minutes.
Old 12-09-2004, 09:59 PM
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pete000
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Always fun to dust off a tank! even beter when the driver is a egomaniac
Old 12-09-2004, 11:55 PM
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Dunasso
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I'm all about handin out a good asswhuppin every now and again, and this guy was literally begging for one. Although I did feel bad; it WAS a stationwagon. But hey, I didn't make the totally unbeleivable comercial. I felt a duty to lay the law down and set things straight. Duncan
Old 12-10-2004, 12:11 AM
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chris walrod
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'tis a thing of beauty Great report!!
Old 12-10-2004, 12:47 AM
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joey bagadonuts
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Great read! Obviously, "kill" stories are more appropriate for the EVO or STi boards but I think we can make an exception given the circumstances.
Old 12-10-2004, 01:35 AM
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LMAO.

Classic. Great stuff.
Old 12-10-2004, 05:11 AM
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Christer
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Here in the UK I came across a black pick up thing with huuuuge chrome wheels and blacked out windows on the M25 a few weeks ago. It was raining hard and I was in the fast lane doing 90mph so I pulled over to let him past as he was about 4 feet from my bumper. The marking on the back was SVT - and maybe Ford? Anyone know what it was? Whoever it was is a maniac....I would have loved to play if it had been dry and more importantly less traffic...
Old 12-10-2004, 11:55 AM
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R6XTERRA
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Absolutely awesome........ Our cars are demons on the Highway........It is scary how quick it gets upto 200km...within a blink and it just keeps on pulling and pulling.
Old 12-10-2004, 01:59 PM
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Flagg
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What a great story..............Flagg
Old 12-10-2004, 01:59 PM
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KB964Cabrio
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respect for the laugh!!!!
Old 12-10-2004, 02:22 PM
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Great story.....I just could imagine the *** wipping on that Hemi...
Old 12-13-2004, 12:21 AM
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I also came across a dodge magnum on the road while in my 964, although I didnt have quite the same opportunity at the decisive side by side showdown (I definitely like your version better).

A couple months ago our local PCA region club had a drive up the north shore of Lake Superior. On the return drive I had stopped at a gas station along with a 996 to fuel up for the rest of the trip home. There was a magnum also getting fuel at the station. When I pulled out onto highway 61, a 2 lane road, the 996 followed right behind.

A few miles down the road we came up on some slower traffic backed up behind a semi truck. When I looked in my mirror, the dodge had passed the 996 and snuck inbetween us. He was right on my tail, and kept sticking his nose out into the oncoming traffic lane and bobbing back in, all anxious to pass. It was only about 8:00 in the morning, but this was enough to get me a little wound up. I took off at the next break in oncoming traffic, passing a couple cars and the semi in one bound and ran the car up to about 135mph in 4th before coasting down.

Up ahead I saw an odd looking car. As I came up on it, probably still at about 100mph, I noticed it was a new black dodge viper. I decided not to pass it and slowed down behind, to see what he would do. Over the next half hour or so, we passed in and out of several streams of slower cars. Now I didnt have the illusion that my 964 could run with a 500bhp V10, but I was pushing him a little just to see what it could do. But the viper never did really take the bait. In fact, by this point, the 996 had caught back up to us.

Further down the road, I pulled off at a restaurant for brunch. Walking into the restaurant, I overheard a couple other car loads of people talking to each other. One lady asked another man, "did you see the black sports car go by with the red one chasing it. I dont think that little red one had a muffler anywhere near it".

Gave me a pretty good laugh. And did I forget to mention that I never did see the magnum again....


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