STRIKEMASTER

Question from a kid driving a tricked out 'rice burner' (he even had "dingo ***** and fuzzy dice" on his): Wat'ill it do in da quata?
Me; A quarter of what?
Kid: A quata mile.
Me; 3rd gear!
Kid: What??
Me: A quarter mile is too short, I'll never get out of 3rd gear.
kid: But wat'ill it do?
Me : factory specs; 14 flat & 99 m.p.h---IN THIRD GEAR!
Kid: That's not so fast.
Me: How fast will your Jap shopping cart turn the quarter mile in 3rd gear, puke?? Want to run? Have some *****. We run to speed. First one to hit 150 m.p.h. wins.
Kid: 150???
Me: I'm cutting you some slack, because of your "ricer". If you had a Beemer, Benz or Audi, I'd say 170 M.P.H.!!
Another time; Cool car! What is it??
A Porsche.
Naw, really?? what year??
An '83.
Whoa!!!

mazing3

Awesome thread and very timely... I have a 928 retribution to the uninformed idiot story that just happened.

I'm a member at a quasi shop/ place people keep their fun cars. Mostly Porsches, old CIS Mercs etc. This is of course where I work on my 928. Recently, a couple of BMW guys split ways with the race shop they were with and have temporarily taken up residence until they get their new place. Just 2 guys, one of which is one of my closest friends (owner of that business) and the other is his 28 year old tech that does most of the actual mechanic work.

I have been at the shop A LOT for the past few months sorting out my 928 which ultimately turned out to be head gaskets. Most of the time it's just the 28 year old and I there together and he is all full of the know it all stage of his life, critical of everything. Right when I first met him he started giving me grief about 928s though he's never driven one, ridden in one or owned one. He drives a Ford Escort Wagon because "it is completely reliable and I never have to worry. Not like that POS old 928." After a while it started getting very annoying beyond just an irritant. There was a few days where I was seriously thinking about smacking him. Mind you I am eyeballs deep in this car, frustrated chasing the mother of all over heating problems learning on the go for a car riddled with...well it's a 78 and had the usual POs over the years. And, I had only just got this thing in December and never touched a 928 with a wrench before that.

To ad to my "i don't need to hear it short fuse" I had just been in a minor hit and run in my 76 Carrera3. So now my 928 became my only car left as the wife wasn't handing over the mommy-mobile lexus any time soon.

Now he's mainly been about e30 and newer BMWs with a lot of E36 M3 experience. So constantly going on and on about old idiotic technology in the 928, and (70's pcars in general) over complicated for no reason, ugly... etc. Meanwhile I'm killing myself on this car and he's thinking i'm an idiot for wasting the time and energy.

However, we have gotten to know each other pretty well spending all this time together and his tone started to change when he saw me putting the motor back in the car after doing the HGs and every other seal on the motor. I actually like the kid now and the 928 chiding started to become more frequent but in more of a breaking ***** kind of way. Still annoying.

Here is the good part-
So as I'm finishing getting it all back together and sorting out a few little issues, his precious Escort craps out... HEAD GASKET!!! I Sh*t you not! Now I'm not 100% up and running yet so I can't dig it in and twist yet. "Some car ya got there." Just turn it on and off you go with no worries and always reliable, not like these old 70s cars" And then I laughed my *** off.

A week later I'm done on the 928 and it's finally running strong. The Escort is still down. The first person I take for a ride is you know who. I took him to lunch. He was astounded by the ride. The smoothness of the power and the seemingly effortless 928 style on the road. He literally finally said he was wrong and he had no idea what he had been talking about.

I'm just eating it up and taking every chance to stick it to him, and I was having a ball. Right when we got the the Mexican place nearby and just about to walk in the door I said this to him "Oh, and btw... I won MFer. And you are buying lunch or you are walking home. He bought lunch. Best burrito I ever had. Perfect amount of vindication baked right in.

Now this does get one step better... as I am typing this he is actually at a junk yard pulling an Escort wiring harness. Apparently on the first drive after finally fixing his HGs his electrical system decided to puff out the magic white smoke and eat itself. Originally I wasn't going to give him a hard time about it but stumbling across this thread makes me feel like I need to take full advantage of this opportunity for everyone who has already posted up a story in this thread.

Hope you enjoyed that as much as I have been.

Robbie
78 5spd

SMTCapeCod

Have to do be going down a pretty big hill...mountain...to back up 170 talk..
Hate to cite wpedia but it is convenient access to specs:

"1983

Model designation: 928 S
Weight: 1500 kg (3300 lb)
Engine displacement: 4.7 L
Power: 300 PS (221 kW) / 234 hp (174 kW) (for North America)
Changes:
North American introduction of "S" model. Standard 928 (4.5 L) model dropped.
New style hydraulic motor mounts.
Engine shocks deleted at same time.
4-speed automatic transmission for North America.
Car body and torque tube changed to accommodate longer gearbox.

1984

Model designation: 928 S (928 S2 in United Kingdom)
Weight: 1500 kg (3300 lb)
Engine displacement: 4.7 L
Valves: Two per cylinder
Power: 310 PS (228 kW) / 234 hp (174 kW) for North America.
Changes:
"S" model renamed "S2" in UK market.
Bosch LH-Jetronic injection and 4-speed automatic transmission added (previously only available in North America)
Torque tube shortened like on U.S. model in previous year.
Bosch EZF ignition system using dual distributors makes debut. This allows higher 10.4:1 compression and increased torque.
Compression change done in middle of model year once 10.0:1 compression ratio resulting piston stock were used up in production.
Bosch ABS brakes optional for the first time in Porsche.
At 146 mph (235 km/h) US model top speed, Porsche boldly claims the 928S to be "the fastest street legal production car sold in the US".
Important safety related change to front suspension lower ball joints on all cars in September 1983.
"

ltoolio

Don't let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Tazzieman

The 0-150mph retort is appropriate.
The cars were not primarily designed for 85mph highways. I feel much of my car's capabilities are untested.
Nobody has said anything stupid about my 928 , yet.

Ducman82

when i was taking my welding cert classes, had a guy with an 04 "stang" who was in the class with me.

kid-"wanna go race?"
me-" what kind?"
kid- "duh, drag man"
me-"nope."
kid-"whats wrong, your POOR-**** to slow?"
me- (sigh), "different cars man. stop light to stop light does not prove anything"
kid- "ok, what do ya wanna do?"
me- "get on the freeway (new mexico, lots of open space), line up and see who can go the fastest, the longest"
kid-"what do you mean longest?"
me- "as in, top speed. see who's car can go the longest without exploding at/near top speed"
kid..... (silence)
me- "i mean, my car is a full on GT made for the autobahn.... when do you think your five-o will explode?"
kid... "bah,well.... who needs long drawn out top speed....."
me- "people with cars who cars can actually do it... "

hehehe

jetson8859

In the elevator leaving work last week and rode down to parking level with a couple people. One, an attractive brunette was parked next to me and when I got to the car she said "I wondered who owned that car. I love the Back to the Future movies! I said "thanks, it's the Risky Business car not Back to the Future" she smiled and said she loved that movie too....dinner next weekend

ltoolio

Well done!

worf928

Yup. You win. 'specially if she looks like Rebecca De Mornay did back then.

Stupid things people have said about 928s....

I've heard so many it is hard to recall any specific one.

Ah... yes:

I was once told by a Porsche Dealer mechanic that the timing belt tensioner did not need to be filled with oil because it got its oil supply from the crank case.

safulop

I would have said yes, let's us have a drag, when you bring your 1981 'stang'.

STRIKEMASTER

Mine has the M-28/11 engine AND 5 speed long ratio gearbox. At 65 M.P.H. I'm only turning 2000 rpm and I'm not in the power band yet. Record speed for an unmodified 83 Euro-s is 202 MPH! However, I don't think that one is still roaring down the road like mine does (when it likes me)..LOL The rest of the story goes like this: Ricer is all MFr, MFr MFr. He goes Reeee_Reee-REEE. I'm like Baroom--wah- wah wah wah. The light goes green and ricer boy stomps on it. Unfortunately, they put the drive wheels at the wrong end of his Honda, so all he does is smoke the tires. (I thought only model airplane engines made noises like his car did.) I pull off nice and smooth to 20 M.P.H and Then put my foot in it. Big Blue '83 squats a little, twitches as the axles lock up and I'm gone, like being launched off a carrier. (which I've done). The 170 part is just 'smack talk'--Like saying "I can put a round thru your head at 800 meters". With a good rifle and scope and a steady rest, I could probably hit you, but not thru the head. (Been throwing lead downrange since I was 9. My Dad was firearms instructor for the New Jersey State Police.) 2 things i learned from my Dad; How to 'bend wrenches' and "gun control" --putting it thru the '10' ring.
I'm at my local country dance bar and this young guy is bragging about his Boxter.
Me: So you have a Boxer, I have a Porsche too, A SHARK. I'd like to have a look at your Boxer.
Him: It's a BOXTER, says so right across the back.
We go outside, He shows me his and I show him mine.
I'm like: "You're right it does say Boxter on the back, but I never see them from that end when I'm on the road. How much did it run you?'
He tells me and says he got a good deal in the Lease.
ME: "Oh, I guess you're a member of the 'PORSCHE RENTERS CLUB then. I own mine OUTRIGHT!"

The Deputy

That's funny...

Because I said the complete opposite and had opposite results.

Said to my wife, "l'm gonna buy an old 928 as a retirement project, since from what I've read they are usually a mess and need plenty of work...and then drive it someday when I'm done wrenching (figuring I'd be in my seventies or eighties when it happened...l'm fifty five now...lol).

Unfortunately (I guess)...

Worked on the car for a few days and all I've done is drive it for the past six months.

I keep checking fluid levels, expecting them to be gone someday...but so far so good.

Fortunately (I guess)...

Went out and bought another 928 as a project car, which could be driven I guess, but I'd like to turn it into a car you could have lunch off the underside.

So, I guess the moral to the story is...originally...I should have bought your car and you should have bought mine...

Brian.

johnu

I had some assclown tell me "we used to call that the RX7 Porsche cause that's where the design came from"

jetson8859

That would indeed be the pinnacle! But more along the lines of a Valerie Bertinelli if we stay in the same era

Madturk

I was once told " I never liked the styling of that bumble butt Porsche but at least they are the only almost maintenance free Porsche"