ribs

Sorry guys...this thread was originally about a girl who was a little nutty that I was hooking up with in college like 2 years ago, but two years later, out of nowhere, we are beginning a serious relationship and I'm totally in love with her, so my business with her is now private, and she appears to have grown out of her problems that were mostly to blame on a bad relationship she was in before. Hopefully no one will ever read this again. It was real strange to read this post I made about this girl after the second or third time I hung out with her, and now that I am dating her reading back on what I wrote, I think I have grown up a lot in two years...it happens, you know. Alright peace.

jim968

Ribs, I _know_ how old-fashioned this is gonna sound, but, hell, consider the source !

Apparently you like her enough to put a little effort into it, so: A) there's no reason you have to rush to get to that third base; keep seeing her, but slow things down a little (go out in public) while you B) find out a little more about her problem... get some more detail from her, like what meds she's on, then do a little digging on the web & maybe at your school's Psych department.

Use that research to find out what to expect in the way of problems from her, to the extent possible.

While you're doing this, you can also be looking for signs of flakiness that may provide more insight as to what the future may old...

You can also slow things down by pleading that you have to "go work on the car......"

Jim, "Never date anybody crazier than yourself."

Robby

Jim- "never date anybody crazier than yourself"- words to live by...

Slight edit- (I misread earlier):

The problem: she's been on and off w/some guy for 2.5 years and broken up some 10 times? that's a little nutty in and of itself. I've seen these types of relationships before, and they're never pretty. She could "get together" w/you then talk to him, get all upset, and then spill everything to him, they f**k and make up, and dude- he could be even crazier than her for all you know!!! I'm not saying to be scared out of seeing her, but there are a lot more variables than could ever be answered on a web board...

I think Jim has the right idea about taking it a little easy for awhile and just to observe. It is possible that she could be an incredible girl and one that's not worth letting go, but if that's the case, then she should still be around for a few weeks at least- assuming you still hang out w/her a little. I would do the lunch w/mom thing today and see where it goes from there- maybe you can get some insight from her mother(?)...

Good luck

Jim 944S

Ribs,
Age and experience has me agreeing with Jim. I've always felt anything worth while was worthy of investing some time and spirit. Keep your "eyes" open. Just realize that a relationship is not always 50/50. Sometimes it's 90/10. Sometimes it's 10/90. It should just average out to 50/50.
Again, take Jim's advice... He lives in Asheville!!!
Jim 944S

Tabor

My roomate dated a girl with BPD for ~2 years. It was not pretty! But really, how much of this was the BPD and how much was her "personality" ... crap, do pople with BPD get a personality? I don't know. Note: this girl was not getting treatment of any kind.

I don't see any reason why you should not date her (at least for a little bit).

Perry 951

Ribs.. my Sis-in-law is BPS. My fiancee is almost a Psychologist. You can expect severe mood swings, lack of memory, intamacy problems, and an addictive personality. BPS is rarely treated well, and most meds numb the symptoms, but not treat it. Unless she is in the doc's chair a few times a week, she could be a loose cannon.

Run like the wind my friend.

Bob S. 1984 Silver

Many, many years ago, I met a girl. The first date we had began with a 30 minute visit to her counselor. Despite such a strange beginning, we got married two years later. All went (relatively) well for a number of years..we had two girls but later, as the girls entered their teen years, their mother began to show signs of instability, winding up hospitalized a number of times, three visits a week to a psychiatrist and finally became involved with alcohol. Without going into a lot of detail, we got divorced (her idea; needed "space"), the kids suffered through a lot of mental anguish, I kept the house (and the kids until they moved out after they reached the age of majority). After a number of years alone, I met someone else and have been happy ever since. It cost me a lot of money, left me for a long time with a very poor self image and I am grateful to my current spouse for helping me see the good in me.

This was Bi-Polar Disease, which in medical terms is what BPD stands for. I cannot recall all the meds, but I recall the primary one was a Lithium compound which required periodic blood tests to adjust. I am not saying this would happen in every situation. I loved the lady, and believed firmly in the "Till death etc". I thought I could help. After all, I was supposed to be the "strong one". It doesn't work that way.

No preaching, just one guy's experience

The best to both of you

Bob S.

Mike B

Heh Ribs...What are you doing thinking about girls...tsk,tsk...Get back under that car

*eurospeed951*

The more phsyco they are in the head the better they are in the bed!
If it was me(and I have dated a girl with bpd) I would focus on my car till it was done, jump in and get the hell out of there!

Doug

Ribs, I don't know you but I read your posts all the time and appreciate your good comments. There is a great relationship book for you and the rest of us romantics out there. Its called "A Fine Romance". I read it several years back while going through a relationship roller coaster ride. My .03 is: 1 - Don't date anybody who is not emotionally available. 2 - Being single and happy is far better than being in a bad relationship. 3 - Don't think you can change somebody,4 - Its a package deal. 5 - Don't waste your time with damaged goods,6 - There are SOOOOOO many women out there who would love LOVE! to be with a cool guy,especially one who knows enough, and who is successful enough to drive a Porsche. Why waste your time on trying to "re-grow" somebody? Go out and find a completely together woman. If you guys want to really stroke your egos check out the web site <a href="http://www.euroladies.com" target="_blank">www.euroladies.com</a> They are legit! I personally have two buddies who are happily married from taking a tour. Not the answer for every guy, but my point is that, there are 1000s of beautiful "drama free" women in this world who would love to be your woman, Its your job to find one and not settle for one who is "hot" but "has all kinds of problems". We men need to stop selling ourselves short!

Cheers - Doug out to wash and rubb the 968, My brothers cat did a nice job of scratching my hood last night, hope it rubs out. "bad *****...baaaaad *****"

Mr. Bates - Masta2U

Sounds like a gal I spent a lot of time with some years ago. Drop dead bod that she knew how to use (we were both 30).

Unfortunately if we werent behind closed doors, she was impossible.

I would advise you to run, but being as you're a smoker, you would be out of breath before you got far enough away.

I'd rather be alone and miserable than miserable with a whacko!

Danno

How old are you Ribs? What is your goal in life?

Here's my opinion:<ol type="1">[*]there's plenty of fish in the ocean[*]you are the best thing in the world that ever happened to them[*]dating is for chics you're already sleeping with[*]Chics had better be good at mixing drinks, partying and working on cars[*]leave them better off than when you met them[/list=a]Everyone wins and you don't have to worry about some psycho stalking you.

aka 951

I have a little experience with BPD...a very close friend of mine is afflicted with the disorder. While it is a very serious disorder, it is not one in which she (or anyone else with it) can change. Unfortunatly it happens to about 1.3% of the population and being that there are more than 1000 members here there are likely at least of couple of us who struggle with BPD personally or through relatives/friends/spouses.

While I don't know enough about BPD to start giving medical advice I do know that people who have the ailment are just people like the rest of us. Some people have diabetes, some leukemia, etc, etc you guys get the point.

Everyone here (well most everyone) is smart enough to knows that its not right to judge someone by the fact that they have a disease.

In general I agree with the above opinions re: staying away from women with problems if possible. But on the flip side you may just find a special girl with BPD who has everything going for her and is responsible enough to take her medication in order to cope effectively with BPD so that its not an impairment to her or your daily life.

But bottom line...and this was once told to me by a wise man...

"never let anyone else run your love-life".

And get some sleep man!

Peter 89 S2

Ribs,
I am a therapist. My advice would be to ask yourself if you have the emotional time and energy to deal with her good days and bad days. Her good days will probably be what you are currently experiencing. Her bad days will be days that will require you to go beyond the call of duty and ask yourself "what have I gotten myself into"? It sounds as if she has poor insight and self esteem which allows herself to remain in this back and forth relationship with the other guy. I'm sure his assessment of their relationship is alot different than hers. Be honest with her and ask her about her illness. How long has she been diagnosed as BP, is she on medication and is she taking it? Is she in therapy? Any hesitation to any of your question would be a concern. Good Luck!

trebor_quitman

Your situation may be different than mine, but I'll give some thoughtfull insight as I have been in a similar situation. RUN, RUN LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER RAN BEFORE, and then when you've can't run anymore, get in your car and drive until the gas runs out, then crawl on your elbows. I met this girl (my ex-girlfriend as of a few weeks ago) She was SOO sweet. She cooked for me, cleaned for me, She would do anything for me. She was like an angel sent to serve me. I never asked her to do anything for me, heck I expect a relationship to be equal give and take. So I fell for her. She just wanted to do things for me. She then told me that she loved me. Then I noticed the "Other" side of things. Complete lack of understanding as to what I meant by anything I said. Mood swings, like a pendulam, except more chaotic. Fits of rage over a 5 minute late phone call. I finally broke up with her and she tells me her life is in my hands. I talked her down from doing something stupid. After a total of 6 months of my life spent stressing over what the next temper tantrum and mood swing was going to be over, I finally feel free. I don't know If I even want a relationship anymore, unless of course she passes a sanity test first. You may have found a good one, But than again, I thought I did. As difficult as this sounds, keep it in your pants until you figure out what you really feel about the chick. It actually got to the point that I was burnt out on sex because the rest of the relationship was so bad.

Funny how you get your mojo back when your single again...