Porsche douchebags..
#32
Nordschleife Master
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I have noticed on the whole that the people who strike up a conversation about my 911 are not cars guys. My 944's attract the type of people I like talking too.
It's probably because late model 911's are just so common around here and nice 944's are rare and "car guys" like to see them.
It's probably because late model 911's are just so common around here and nice 944's are rare and "car guys" like to see them.
#33
Late Porkchops
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My thoughts as well. I remember the motorcycle guys like me had the same deal. At first we all waved because there was not so many of us. Then Harley guys did not wave at others. Then BMW. Then Jap bike riders. There is just some small folks around. If they wave good enough or not good enough. Waving is no big deal to me but it seems a part of it. As I said most guys if you know them are pretty good. A few obviously not so much.
I take ribbing all the time about my not real Porsche as I said. I always say "It costs like a real Porsche." Oh and go get that BIG chain and lets have a pull off. With my John Deere LOL!
I take ribbing all the time about my not real Porsche as I said. I always say "It costs like a real Porsche." Oh and go get that BIG chain and lets have a pull off. With my John Deere LOL!
#34
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There's idiots in all walks of life, I have had all sort of Porsche driver wave and ignore me in equal measure, the same is true of motorbikes (been said) and sail boats, there problem not mine.
#35
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As somebody has pointed out, there is "douchebaggery" in various marques. The segment of folks that I found to be overall true car enthusiasts are the ones involved in racing at some level. Specifically for me, I tend to gravitate to folks with such road racing involvement.
I used to belong to PCA and FCA, but even these clubs have their increasing share of "douchebags". I like the vintage race car clubs and other race groups.
I used to belong to PCA and FCA, but even these clubs have their increasing share of "douchebags". I like the vintage race car clubs and other race groups.
#36
Pro
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Were i Live i usually give every porsche i see a wave, and surprisingly 90% wave back. I find the bigger the city you go to the less they wave back. Its nice when your pulled over on the side of the street with a broken timing belt and a guy pulls over and tells you he knows how it feels and offers to give you a lift >.<
#37
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Not going to lie, it felt good at a PCA AutoX, which I hadn't AutoX my car since I got it and hadn't done one in about 5 years, and I finished 12 out of 25 or so. And that was also with blown rear shocks and the back end wallering all over the place. But most of the guys that were there were excited to see a 944 show up and run.
#38
Drifting
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#40
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#41
Late Porkchops
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Uhh yeah same in Texas. We do have the Hill C9untry which has some nice scenic and curvy roads. But it is 200 miles away. On straight Interstate 10.
#42
Drifting
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my simple story, there's 2 of em, 1 good 1 bad. i bought a 924 in 2005 as a project(never did anything with it) i was driving home from work passing through my town and a brand new 997 C4S was parked in front of te barber shop. i stopped to look as i liked the color(ruby over tan). the owner walked outside and we started talking. i told him i had a 924, he said the first porsche he owned was a 1981 924 turbo. anyways he took me for a ride in it, went 130 down the local highway. that day nomatter what you did or said would get the smile off my face...i still talk to the guy he owns a 993 turbo, 996 turbo and the 997 c4s. thats the good guy
a couple yrs ago, 2009(?) i pulled into applebees in my 944 and parked next to a 930(in ok at best shape). my dad and i got out of the 944 and the owner of the 911 said, "what couldn't afford a 911?" i simply replied, no i'm 22 i earned this 944, i worked for it. he said smartly that my dad probably bought it for me. at that point i said no, i bought it, my money, the only thing my dad has put in it is 1 tank of gas after he used it for a week. the guy says i shoulda saved my money and gotten the real porsche. i asked him what year his 911 was. he said 87. i then went on a lil porsche history rant and said well sir, you can thank the 924 and 944 for the existance of your car, cause w/o them porsche probably wouldn't have made it past MY 1982...when the 911 was to be Discontinued.
his simple answer was, i'd like to see that car on a track. i said you wouldn't see it except everytime it passes you
a couple yrs ago, 2009(?) i pulled into applebees in my 944 and parked next to a 930(in ok at best shape). my dad and i got out of the 944 and the owner of the 911 said, "what couldn't afford a 911?" i simply replied, no i'm 22 i earned this 944, i worked for it. he said smartly that my dad probably bought it for me. at that point i said no, i bought it, my money, the only thing my dad has put in it is 1 tank of gas after he used it for a week. the guy says i shoulda saved my money and gotten the real porsche. i asked him what year his 911 was. he said 87. i then went on a lil porsche history rant and said well sir, you can thank the 924 and 944 for the existance of your car, cause w/o them porsche probably wouldn't have made it past MY 1982...when the 911 was to be Discontinued.
his simple answer was, i'd like to see that car on a track. i said you wouldn't see it except everytime it passes you
#43
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Porsche People
By Hans Deutschmann
A tongue-in-cheek look at our fellow
Porsche Pushers. One of the best things about being an active member of a local chapter of the PCA is that you get to meet a lot of interesting people. And, contrary to the popular stereotype of Porsche owners as unemployed rich people, we are a diverse lot. We have members who are mechanics, accountants, tradesmen, lawyers, florists, doctors, students, retirees, and housewives. We have teenage members, young adult members, middle-age members and members in their 80’s.We have Buddhists, Christians, Jews, and Agnostics. Just about any way you choose to slice it, the membership is diverse. However, this doesn’t mean that people who own Porsches can’t be categorized in other ways. I find that I can pigeonhole individuals based on some other measures. It’s fun to do this, since it strips each person of his individuality and allows me to simplify my world. Basically, I classify owners based on how they use their cars and, to a lesser extent, on what kind of Porsche they drive (or want to drive—since some of our members don’t have cars). Herewith, is my list, in no particular order, with special emphasis on my personal biases and stereotypes.
THE WORRIER
The WORRIER is the Porsche owner (usually a new owner) who frets constantly about every detail regarding his baby. Most of us are WORRIERS to some degree when we get our first Porsche. WORRIERS will approach everyone in the Club about which weight and brand of oil they should use in their car. They’ll get on the internet and research endlessly trying to find the best leather conditioner, aromatherapy wax, herbal car wash, tire pressure gauge, etc. They’ll change their oil every 500 miles and replace the air in their tires because it might be stale. They’ll short-shift their car at 2500 RPM just to make sure it doesn’t get over-revved (even though the previous owner may have regularly banged it up against redline). The WORRIER won’t corner his car hard because that would place undue strain on the delicate chassis. These guys are usually cured when they discover that their **** behavior has actually done more damage than good to their car; “Well, sir, you car runs like crap because the valves and combustion chambers are totally car boned up–you should run this thing hard through the gears every once in awhile to clean it out.” Or, “I’m sorry sir, but your paint was damaged by leaving the bra on your car while it was raining.’’ If the WORRIER isn’t cured quickly he may evolve into the undesirable “QUEEN.”
THE GARAGE QUEENS
These are the guys that will only drive their Porsches if they are going to a Concours–and only if they absolutely have to. Even if a concours requires that a car be driven rather than trailered, a QUEEN will try to figure how he can trailer it surreptitiously within a few blocks of the show, then push it to the event (so he doesn’t stir up any dirt in the engine compartment). If you are unlucky enough to have a car that he perceives as competition, be forewarned. The QUEEN will carefully scrutinize your car while wearing a facial expression like he is examining a turd. The QUEEN often has very good knowledge of the historical details of his car because that knowledge relates directly to how the car can be scored in a concours. This knowledge also allows him to lose first place with dignity, “I guess John deserved to win first place, although I am surprised that the judges ignored the fact that he didn’t have original tread-pattern Continentals on his car.” GARAGE QUEENS wouldn’t think of driving their cars “hard” because they didn’t buy them to drive. They bought them to collect trophies. The best thing about QUEENS is that you probably won’t see them at any events other than concours or shows unless they also own a “driver” Porsche (see “Cautions and Warnings”). The only exception to all of this drivel is the QUEEN that owns and shows a truly classic Porsche (904, 959, Speedster, etc). Usually you will find that this type of QUEEN will actually drive his car (even the Porsche factory pulls out the 917’s once in a while so they can flog them on a race track).
TECHNOS
Everyone knows who the TECHNO is; he’s the guy that can quote by memory the entire text of Karl Ludvigsen’s massive Porsche-Excellence Was Expected. TECHNOS are useful as Club pets because at many events you don’t have internet access to the Library of Congress. They can answer most of your Porsche-related questions right off the top of their head. If you want to have some fun, ask a TECHNO a question that he can’t answer — he’ll be up for three days straight trying to figure it out so he can preserve his honor. They can drive any kind of Porsche, it doesn’t really matter, and they see themselves more as experts on Porsche lore rather than active participants in the Porsche driving experience.
STATUS CONSCIOUS
Peter Schutz, former president of Porsche, once said, “For some people, a Porsche is nothing more than a fur coat, it’s something you wear, not something you drive.” Peter was describing the STATUS owner. It is extremely unlikely that you will ever meet one of these owners at a Club event.Why? Because they don’t know that the Club exists, and they wouldn’t join it if they did. These are the people that create the unfavorable Porsche owner stereotype. They overdress, wear too much gold, park in handicapped zones, have bad traffic manners, and look down their noses at everyone. If you happen to meet one of them in say a parking lot, and you are not driving your Porsche, the conversation could go something like this. You: “Nice 993, how do you like it?” STATUS owner: “Actually, it’s not a ‘93, it’s a ‘97 ‘Porsh’ Carrera. I like it okay, but you have to shift it a lot and my wife’s Lexus rides much better. I might trade it for a Boxer, they ride smoother and you can get an automatic in them. I know a guy at the dealership.” This guy knows absolutely nothing about Porsches except what they cost. The Porsche Gods created STATUS owners so that the rest of us could get good used cars. When the status effect of the car wears off and they discover that Porsches “ride like sports cars,” STATUS owners sell them and move on to Lincoln SUV’s or stretch Hummers. Meanwhile, we all suffer.
WILD-*** GEARHEADS
These are basically hot rodders who have chosen Porsches instead of Hemi-Cudas. The car sitting at the top of the GEARHEAD pyramid is the air-cooled Turbo. Most serious GEARHEAD cars are faster than their track-car counterparts. These cars are so highly modified that they even scare their owners. As a matter of fact, this is the ultimate goal. GEARHEADS won’t stop tweaking until their cars have taken on a “you’d better watch your *** with me” attitude. When you get close to a serious GEARHEAD car you can feel all the little hairs on your body stand on end, kind of like you were part of a static electricity exhibit at Science City. If you talk to one of these guys, they invariably have a tremendous amount of respect for their cars (the ones that don’t are already dead). GEARHEADS like to talk about the time that their cars jumped up in the air and changed lanes when they grabbed fourth gear at 120 miles per hour. The cars are immaculate, except for little smears on the paint caused by hitting bugs at 150 miles per hour (on the way to the Club breakfast). GEARHEADS usually don’t show up for many of the Club events because they are too busy doing things like having their pistons ceramic-coated or installing 962 water-cooled heads and 917 rotor/caliper assemblies on their cars. When they aren’t tweaking their cars, they relax by looking for roads in neighboring counties or states where they can “run her up to 180” without worrying about cops or other drivers. I like these guys, but I don’t really want to ride with them.
THE WATERBOYS
These are water-cooled Porsche owners. Although this category obviously includes 928’s, 924’s, Boxsters, and the new 911’s, I’m thinking particularly of 944’s and 968’s.They are usually a friendly lot, even though they know that the purists are always thinking,“ real Porsches aren’t water-cooled.” WATERBOYS are well tolerated these days because the turbo versions of these cars are so fast and viceless on the track. If you are an air-cooled owner and you persist in tormenting a WATERBOY, he’s likely to get fed up and challenge you to a lap or two at Heartland Park. Personally, I like WATERBOYS, because they really seem to enjoy their cars and they drive them “as they were intended.” Besides, the new water-cooled Porsches are the best Porsches yet in terms of performance and, like it or not, they represent the future of the marque.
THE PORSCHE PURIST
This is the guy that would make Dr. Porsche proud. He is what I aspire to be when I grow up. He owns any model of Porsche. First and foremost, the PURIST knows that Porsches are made to be driven. His car is clean and well maintained and may have been mildly modified with upgrades such as tires, wheels, a raspy exhaust system, etc. He’s owned his car for a while and he drives it regularly. His car will inevitably show the wear and tear of being a daily driver. It means that this car will probably never win a concours. But, over the years, his car will begin to acquire a well-worn patina, similar to the kind that you would find on that jack knife that your grandfather carried around in his pocket for 40 years. Unless you are also a PURIST, he is having more fun with his Porsche than you are—no matter what you are doing with yours.
THE OLD GUARD MEMBER
The OLD GUARD member was probably a founding father of your local chapter of the Porsche Club. He has seen it all. He remembers when Porsche drivers not only waved when they passed each other on the road; they actually pulled over to talk. He’s owned several types of Porsches over the years and he’s driven across the country in at least one of them. He has been to Porsche Parades, countless tours, driving events, open houses, and banquets. He is, by definition,” mature.” Because of his relatively vast experience with the marque, he is the best member to travel with if you have an iffy car that might require technical expertise sometime during the trip. You just have to be able to put up with his “Porschier than Thou” attitude. He has, at one time or another, been a TECHNO RACER, WATERBOY, and probably more. He is currently a PURIST. He probably drives an aircooled 911. Porsches are a part of his life and always will be. He tells great stories because he realizes that one of the best things that Porsches do is create fond memories.
CAUTIONS AND WARNINGS
Some owners can be classified into more than one category. This helps fine-tune the description of an individual when someone else in the Club wants to know more specifically what kind of a nut another guy is. For example, as we’ve already seen, “OLD GUARD” members, because of their experience, are particularly good at falling into many categories (and they will use this to their advantage). Since an OLD GUARD member has usually owned several types of Porsches, he has at least partial membership in many of the other groups such as the TECHNO RACER, WATERBOY, etc. It almost always guarantees that he is a member of the TECHNOS. However, the Official Rules dictate that any individual who falls into two or more categories will be classified officially as the lowest life form. Therefore, if a PURIST owns several cars, one of which he seldom drives for fear of getting dust on it, and then he is officially classified as a QUEEN. It’s my game. I make the rules! THE OTHER GUYS, you ask, what about the 356ers, 912ers, 914 and 914-6 owners? Well, most of them will fall into one or more of the above descriptions, even though they weren’t specifically mentioned. Besides, many of these groups have their own perverse sub-cultures including organizations, memberships, and DUES. And that’s another discussion. Editor’s Note: Hans Deutschmann is a pen name of the author, a Kansas City Porsche owner. ■
By Hans Deutschmann
A tongue-in-cheek look at our fellow
Porsche Pushers. One of the best things about being an active member of a local chapter of the PCA is that you get to meet a lot of interesting people. And, contrary to the popular stereotype of Porsche owners as unemployed rich people, we are a diverse lot. We have members who are mechanics, accountants, tradesmen, lawyers, florists, doctors, students, retirees, and housewives. We have teenage members, young adult members, middle-age members and members in their 80’s.We have Buddhists, Christians, Jews, and Agnostics. Just about any way you choose to slice it, the membership is diverse. However, this doesn’t mean that people who own Porsches can’t be categorized in other ways. I find that I can pigeonhole individuals based on some other measures. It’s fun to do this, since it strips each person of his individuality and allows me to simplify my world. Basically, I classify owners based on how they use their cars and, to a lesser extent, on what kind of Porsche they drive (or want to drive—since some of our members don’t have cars). Herewith, is my list, in no particular order, with special emphasis on my personal biases and stereotypes.
THE WORRIER
The WORRIER is the Porsche owner (usually a new owner) who frets constantly about every detail regarding his baby. Most of us are WORRIERS to some degree when we get our first Porsche. WORRIERS will approach everyone in the Club about which weight and brand of oil they should use in their car. They’ll get on the internet and research endlessly trying to find the best leather conditioner, aromatherapy wax, herbal car wash, tire pressure gauge, etc. They’ll change their oil every 500 miles and replace the air in their tires because it might be stale. They’ll short-shift their car at 2500 RPM just to make sure it doesn’t get over-revved (even though the previous owner may have regularly banged it up against redline). The WORRIER won’t corner his car hard because that would place undue strain on the delicate chassis. These guys are usually cured when they discover that their **** behavior has actually done more damage than good to their car; “Well, sir, you car runs like crap because the valves and combustion chambers are totally car boned up–you should run this thing hard through the gears every once in awhile to clean it out.” Or, “I’m sorry sir, but your paint was damaged by leaving the bra on your car while it was raining.’’ If the WORRIER isn’t cured quickly he may evolve into the undesirable “QUEEN.”
THE GARAGE QUEENS
These are the guys that will only drive their Porsches if they are going to a Concours–and only if they absolutely have to. Even if a concours requires that a car be driven rather than trailered, a QUEEN will try to figure how he can trailer it surreptitiously within a few blocks of the show, then push it to the event (so he doesn’t stir up any dirt in the engine compartment). If you are unlucky enough to have a car that he perceives as competition, be forewarned. The QUEEN will carefully scrutinize your car while wearing a facial expression like he is examining a turd. The QUEEN often has very good knowledge of the historical details of his car because that knowledge relates directly to how the car can be scored in a concours. This knowledge also allows him to lose first place with dignity, “I guess John deserved to win first place, although I am surprised that the judges ignored the fact that he didn’t have original tread-pattern Continentals on his car.” GARAGE QUEENS wouldn’t think of driving their cars “hard” because they didn’t buy them to drive. They bought them to collect trophies. The best thing about QUEENS is that you probably won’t see them at any events other than concours or shows unless they also own a “driver” Porsche (see “Cautions and Warnings”). The only exception to all of this drivel is the QUEEN that owns and shows a truly classic Porsche (904, 959, Speedster, etc). Usually you will find that this type of QUEEN will actually drive his car (even the Porsche factory pulls out the 917’s once in a while so they can flog them on a race track).
TECHNOS
Everyone knows who the TECHNO is; he’s the guy that can quote by memory the entire text of Karl Ludvigsen’s massive Porsche-Excellence Was Expected. TECHNOS are useful as Club pets because at many events you don’t have internet access to the Library of Congress. They can answer most of your Porsche-related questions right off the top of their head. If you want to have some fun, ask a TECHNO a question that he can’t answer — he’ll be up for three days straight trying to figure it out so he can preserve his honor. They can drive any kind of Porsche, it doesn’t really matter, and they see themselves more as experts on Porsche lore rather than active participants in the Porsche driving experience.
STATUS CONSCIOUS
Peter Schutz, former president of Porsche, once said, “For some people, a Porsche is nothing more than a fur coat, it’s something you wear, not something you drive.” Peter was describing the STATUS owner. It is extremely unlikely that you will ever meet one of these owners at a Club event.Why? Because they don’t know that the Club exists, and they wouldn’t join it if they did. These are the people that create the unfavorable Porsche owner stereotype. They overdress, wear too much gold, park in handicapped zones, have bad traffic manners, and look down their noses at everyone. If you happen to meet one of them in say a parking lot, and you are not driving your Porsche, the conversation could go something like this. You: “Nice 993, how do you like it?” STATUS owner: “Actually, it’s not a ‘93, it’s a ‘97 ‘Porsh’ Carrera. I like it okay, but you have to shift it a lot and my wife’s Lexus rides much better. I might trade it for a Boxer, they ride smoother and you can get an automatic in them. I know a guy at the dealership.” This guy knows absolutely nothing about Porsches except what they cost. The Porsche Gods created STATUS owners so that the rest of us could get good used cars. When the status effect of the car wears off and they discover that Porsches “ride like sports cars,” STATUS owners sell them and move on to Lincoln SUV’s or stretch Hummers. Meanwhile, we all suffer.
WILD-*** GEARHEADS
These are basically hot rodders who have chosen Porsches instead of Hemi-Cudas. The car sitting at the top of the GEARHEAD pyramid is the air-cooled Turbo. Most serious GEARHEAD cars are faster than their track-car counterparts. These cars are so highly modified that they even scare their owners. As a matter of fact, this is the ultimate goal. GEARHEADS won’t stop tweaking until their cars have taken on a “you’d better watch your *** with me” attitude. When you get close to a serious GEARHEAD car you can feel all the little hairs on your body stand on end, kind of like you were part of a static electricity exhibit at Science City. If you talk to one of these guys, they invariably have a tremendous amount of respect for their cars (the ones that don’t are already dead). GEARHEADS like to talk about the time that their cars jumped up in the air and changed lanes when they grabbed fourth gear at 120 miles per hour. The cars are immaculate, except for little smears on the paint caused by hitting bugs at 150 miles per hour (on the way to the Club breakfast). GEARHEADS usually don’t show up for many of the Club events because they are too busy doing things like having their pistons ceramic-coated or installing 962 water-cooled heads and 917 rotor/caliper assemblies on their cars. When they aren’t tweaking their cars, they relax by looking for roads in neighboring counties or states where they can “run her up to 180” without worrying about cops or other drivers. I like these guys, but I don’t really want to ride with them.
THE WATERBOYS
These are water-cooled Porsche owners. Although this category obviously includes 928’s, 924’s, Boxsters, and the new 911’s, I’m thinking particularly of 944’s and 968’s.They are usually a friendly lot, even though they know that the purists are always thinking,“ real Porsches aren’t water-cooled.” WATERBOYS are well tolerated these days because the turbo versions of these cars are so fast and viceless on the track. If you are an air-cooled owner and you persist in tormenting a WATERBOY, he’s likely to get fed up and challenge you to a lap or two at Heartland Park. Personally, I like WATERBOYS, because they really seem to enjoy their cars and they drive them “as they were intended.” Besides, the new water-cooled Porsches are the best Porsches yet in terms of performance and, like it or not, they represent the future of the marque.
THE PORSCHE PURIST
This is the guy that would make Dr. Porsche proud. He is what I aspire to be when I grow up. He owns any model of Porsche. First and foremost, the PURIST knows that Porsches are made to be driven. His car is clean and well maintained and may have been mildly modified with upgrades such as tires, wheels, a raspy exhaust system, etc. He’s owned his car for a while and he drives it regularly. His car will inevitably show the wear and tear of being a daily driver. It means that this car will probably never win a concours. But, over the years, his car will begin to acquire a well-worn patina, similar to the kind that you would find on that jack knife that your grandfather carried around in his pocket for 40 years. Unless you are also a PURIST, he is having more fun with his Porsche than you are—no matter what you are doing with yours.
THE OLD GUARD MEMBER
The OLD GUARD member was probably a founding father of your local chapter of the Porsche Club. He has seen it all. He remembers when Porsche drivers not only waved when they passed each other on the road; they actually pulled over to talk. He’s owned several types of Porsches over the years and he’s driven across the country in at least one of them. He has been to Porsche Parades, countless tours, driving events, open houses, and banquets. He is, by definition,” mature.” Because of his relatively vast experience with the marque, he is the best member to travel with if you have an iffy car that might require technical expertise sometime during the trip. You just have to be able to put up with his “Porschier than Thou” attitude. He has, at one time or another, been a TECHNO RACER, WATERBOY, and probably more. He is currently a PURIST. He probably drives an aircooled 911. Porsches are a part of his life and always will be. He tells great stories because he realizes that one of the best things that Porsches do is create fond memories.
CAUTIONS AND WARNINGS
Some owners can be classified into more than one category. This helps fine-tune the description of an individual when someone else in the Club wants to know more specifically what kind of a nut another guy is. For example, as we’ve already seen, “OLD GUARD” members, because of their experience, are particularly good at falling into many categories (and they will use this to their advantage). Since an OLD GUARD member has usually owned several types of Porsches, he has at least partial membership in many of the other groups such as the TECHNO RACER, WATERBOY, etc. It almost always guarantees that he is a member of the TECHNOS. However, the Official Rules dictate that any individual who falls into two or more categories will be classified officially as the lowest life form. Therefore, if a PURIST owns several cars, one of which he seldom drives for fear of getting dust on it, and then he is officially classified as a QUEEN. It’s my game. I make the rules! THE OTHER GUYS, you ask, what about the 356ers, 912ers, 914 and 914-6 owners? Well, most of them will fall into one or more of the above descriptions, even though they weren’t specifically mentioned. Besides, many of these groups have their own perverse sub-cultures including organizations, memberships, and DUES. And that’s another discussion. Editor’s Note: Hans Deutschmann is a pen name of the author, a Kansas City Porsche owner. ■
#45
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I had experience with a Corvette guy at a neighborhood party. He has a new Z06 so I thought he would be interested in my LS1 conversion. He was not. He did know his motor made 505 HP because he told me, several times, before he excused himself to go talk to someone else.