Scoundrel Knifes Porsche Cabriolet, Uses Spoiler as a Diving Board

By Adam Pockross - November 13, 2015

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As if you needed another sign pointing to the degradation of society as we know it, here’s a complete scoundrel knifing his way into a Porsche cabriolet, what appears to be a “super rare Porsche 930 Slantnose,” according to Jalopnik.

London police released this CCTV footage, hoping to catch the brazen would-be thief, who managed to cut his way into the Porsche’s soft-top, but couldn’t quite figure out what to do after that. Once he fails at starting the car, he hops right back out of the now mangled top, then uses that big, plump wail-tail spoiler as a diving board of sorts, and jumps off the back of the car. Then he walks off like nothing happened.

How brazen can you possibly be? Broad daylight. People passing by. This guy doesn’t care at all. What a scumbag. I don’t care if you’ve had a tough life. I don’t care if the owner of this car slept with your wife. There’s never a good reason to destroy something beautiful.

Apparently, on the same day, a man matching his description was seen around the same area of London attempting to rob a clothing store with a box knife and trying to steal a Porsche Cayenne. Being a crappy car thief though, he couldn’t handle that job either, but did manage to damage the locks and scratch the paint.

I really hope they catch this bastard. And when those bobbies do find this guy, I hope they’re not the nice, polite, jolly-ho bobbies we’ve all come to expect. I hope these are the mean bobbies they never tell you about. The bobbies who wear brass knuckles. The bobbies who watch Above the Law.