theiceman

We kinda need a new one of these .. ill kick it off .. always good when car related .


A husband went to the police station to report that his wife was missing...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Oh, I’m not sure. About five-feet four.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Dont know. Not slim, not really fat
.
Sergeant: Colour of eyes?

Husband: Never really noticed, brown or green.

Sergeant: Colour of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Usually a skirt or slacks and a blouse or polo top. I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She took my sports coupe.

Sergeant: What kind of sports coupe was it?

Husband: Mercedes-Benz CL65 AMG 7G-Tronic finished In Magnetite Black Metallic with Black Soft-Leather Electrically Adjustable and Heated AMG Front Sport Seats with Memory; Brushed Aluminium trim with Piano Black Cappings; Unmarked 19" AMG Multispoke Alloy Wheels; Tyre Pressure Monitoring; Panoramic Glass Electric Tilt/Slide Sunroof; COMAND Online with HDD Wide Screen Satellite Navigation; Bluetooth Telephone Connectivity; Multi-Media Interface for MP3, Ipod etc; Superb Sound System With DAB and Harman-Kardon Sound Upgrade; Leather Trimmed AMG Multi-Function Steering Wheel with Paddle Shift; Parktronic Front and Rear Parking Sensors; Parking Assist; Attention Assist; Speed Limit Assist; Electrically adjustable, heated door Mirrors with Powerfold; Electrically Adjustable Steering Column; Bi-Xenon Headlights with Powerwash and Auto Activation; LED Daytime Running Lights; Cruise Control; Rear Privacy Glass; AMG Carpet Overmats...

At this point the husband starts choking up.....
Sergeant: Dont worry, we’ll find your car...

Ronan

Ronan

moab

..

Pags993

...

Fracture

jumper5836

LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her **** are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

JimV8

99three

LOL

997_Toronto

A lot of people tend to look at me weird when I'm loading groceries into my car.

fanny bay r1

^^^^ I know I love the Maldonado line!!! ^^^^

bronson7

They are all great gents. Little Johnny strikes again.

StanThePorscheFan

Funny true story. My 9 yo came home and revealed that his classroom teacher (a male) has been calling them (the entire class) fa&&ots. Turns out he was calling them maggots, but the little kids never heard the word maggots before and were sure he called them homosexuals.

theiceman

Things you just never new :

had no idea vandals used white out ....

1965356

Next time instead of saying thanks a lot to someone say ,thanks ****. They won't notice the difference and will still appreciate the gesture while you get to call them a **** to their face. For maximum laughs Works best on men .