Laugh of the day thread ...
02-23-2016, 01:38 PM
#32
Three Wheelin'
Now THAT'S a story for your grand kids! 
They say truth is sometimes stranger than fiction - but this is pretty much what happened to me some 15 years ago and how I bought my 928GT. It was at Heimrath, in late August, me lusting after the '89 GT which I couldn't afford but decided to give it a shot anyway and told Mario that all I had was $21K (I had my bank book and showed him my savings account balance from that morning) when he was asking $30K for the car. He actually listened, sat down behind his desk and called the owner of the vehicle (he was selling the 928GT and a Lotus Esprit Turbo on behalf of one of his customers on consignment - the cars did not actually belong to Mario). What I heard next was the guy on the phone yelling "the money goes to the b!*ch, so if you can, sell it for $1". After that Mario looked up at me and said "today just may be your lucky day" and proceeded to call the missus. He told her that it's the end of the sports car driving season, that it's a manual and thus has a much more limited appeal, that I had pointed out a few issues with the car that would need fixing which I would pay for (it wasn't a lie - there was a blown light bulb and the pressurized hood lid "shocks" wouldn't hold the hood open and needed replacement), and that while he thought $30K would be a fair price for the car, he had a firm offer and under the circumstances he thought it would be prudent to present it to her... at which point I heard her say "see if you can get an extra $500". That's how I ended up with my first Porsche, which I stiill love and own.
02-23-2016, 03:07 PM
#33
Nordschleife Master
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more then a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"
Johnny grins and says, "well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more then a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"
Johnny grins and says, "well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
02-23-2016, 03:24 PM
#34
Rennlist Member
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight!”
She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight!”
02-23-2016, 03:29 PM
#35
Rennlist Member
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. Perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?"
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed, and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furrowed brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Ye no' think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"
For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. Perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?"
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed, and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furrowed brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Ye no' think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"
03-04-2016, 03:49 PM
#37
Rennlist Member
A lawyer parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.
More than a little distraught, the lawyer grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters, it'll simply never be the same again!'
After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.
'I can't believe how materialistic you bl**dy lawyers are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'
'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.
The policeman replies: 'Didn't you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you?'
The lawyer looks down in horror.
'OH, f*@k he screams...
'Where's my Rolex?
As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.
More than a little distraught, the lawyer grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters, it'll simply never be the same again!'
After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.
'I can't believe how materialistic you bl**dy lawyers are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'
'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.
The policeman replies: 'Didn't you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you?'
The lawyer looks down in horror.
'OH, f*@k he screams...
'Where's my Rolex?
03-04-2016, 03:57 PM
#38
Burning Brakes
Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
Last edited by Hothonda; 03-06-2016 at 10:36 AM.
03-23-2016, 09:41 PM
#43
Pro
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Vernon BC
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I like at the end how they finally drive off in the zodiac while conspicuously not wearing life jackets.
We actually had a local Mountie die a few years ago when he fell out of the patrol zodiac into Okanagan Lake while fiddling with the motor. He was wearing the regulation flak vest, utility/gun belt and boots, no flotation vest, and predictably he sank like a stone. No way would I ever get in a small boat with a flak vest on, regulations or not.
We actually had a local Mountie die a few years ago when he fell out of the patrol zodiac into Okanagan Lake while fiddling with the motor. He was wearing the regulation flak vest, utility/gun belt and boots, no flotation vest, and predictably he sank like a stone. No way would I ever get in a small boat with a flak vest on, regulations or not.
