Veloce Raptor

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his CURRENT problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. By the way, I am as queer as a $3 bill.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only crossroads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra.#@&&^(C%.........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

jester911

Funny sh*t

Bonster

I liked the Al Sharpton the best . . . that's hillarious.

DAVISRILEY

Thanks, needed that. Long week.

Tim Pruitt

What would ________ say:

Larry King?

Jessi Jackson?

Dave Ramsey?

Emeril Lagasse?

Simon Cowell?

Paula Abdul?

Randy Jackson?

Michael Jackson?

MarkM

Rainman: Of course the chicken crossed the road on 3/29, 3/29 is HIS day and he ownes the road on 3/29.

Bull

That chicken hasn't gotten across the road yet????

multi21

A chicken nick named "Trump" didn't actually cross the road, the road moved by revolving around him.

Bonster

VR's chicken crossed the road to compare peckers (beaks!).

SundayDriver

Hilarious stuff - thanks.

SundayDriver

I'll try a couple.

Jesse Jackson - We all need to learn to live together, in peace on the same side of the road, as long as my chickens get FEMA cards.

Simon Cowell - That was the worst example of a chicken crossing the road I have ever seen. You should be ashamed and turn in your chicken papers.

Paula Abdul - I can help you cross the road. Come to my hotel tonight and we will discuss it.

Michael Jackson - Are you a chicken or young rooster.? If you are a young rooster, why don't you come to my ranch for a sleep-over. We can play video games and cuddle.

Bull

BT's chicken attempted to cross the road riding atop a tortoise. This happened in Wyoming, where they were promptly both run over by a pipeline worker in a jacked up '72 Ford pick-up. The drover stopped, scooped up the remains, and promptly cooked it up for dinner with his friends that night. And that is how the rumor began in Wyoming that if you properly cook a fresh road kill tortoise, it "tastes just like chicken"!

trackjunky

When that chicken finally crosses the road, how 'bout we fry him up for dinner?!

paradisenb

With all those chickens crossing that road I suggest you watch where you step.

Tim Pruitt

Mark M " What chicken crossing the road, I didn't see a chicken crossing the road. ... Mathew " If you would quit spinning, you may see more things on the road and less guardrails and tire walls going by.... I need to adjust those motons again."