Bonster

I once had a dog who was not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you made a fart noise he would jump up and look at his butt. If only they had invented the fart machine (it's a toy that has something like a dozen different fart sounds -- SO immature that I just could not resist buying it - works great on long plane trips). That dog was sweet, but dumb as a doorknob.

deep_uv

Globe does the same thing.

kurt M

From her mother. No lie! I came home one day and my sweet little girl runs up to me gives me my standard daily Daddys home! hug then stands back, points, and goes "Pull my finger!" This she learned from the woman that I had to explain that farts are funny to kids just because they are and not because they were taught that they were. she would ask why the kids though that they were funny and I would say "Farts just are" and she would ask "Why?" and I would say "Because they are funny". The pink house apes were pulling each others fingers, making Pbbbth sounds with their mouths and laughing for days before the novelty wore off.

Bull

Excellent! Some of the most fun that can be had with other people's kids is when teaching them to make rude noises and nasty/funny faces.

VR may teach his droving classes at the track, but I teach Beginning Rude Noises and Gross Faces to friend's kids who come to the track (while the parents are on track). Upon completion of the class, kids know a full aray of fart noises from a 2 point Freep to a full blown Blaster.

Mike in Chi

This is the honest, no-****, truth. About 20 years or so ago, some hugely obese guy literally gassed himself. (Somewhere I have a newspaper clipping to confirm)

He lived by himself. When he didn't show up for work, his co-workers called authorities. They tried to enter the house, were nearly overcome themselves (evidently it lingered), went back out for breathing apparatii, then made the grisly discovery of the deceased.

Weapon of Mass Flatulation indeed. (That was a good one Dave)

paradisenb

That story is not hard to imagine but very hard to believe.

Picture the humiliation of his relatives telling the story of his death. Priceless.

Mike in Chi

That's why I kept the newspaper clipping.

Bonster

Actually, Mike, I think you may have misintrepeted something. When folks die, their bodies tend to relieve all functions -- that is, they defacate, urinate, and of course, flatulate. A fat dude, if he had been sitting there for more than say, ten hours, will bloat and have post-mortem flatulence. I suppose it is possible that a guy could "gas" himself, but I'm betting my education is the more correct. Folks really need to read the PM reports better before they put stuff in the paper, lol.

The worst case is when you find a drowning victim . . . talk about STINKY. Don't ask me how I know . . . <puke>

Mike in Chi

Just reporting what the reporters reported...

And I'm not even going to speculate on what a fart from someone who has been dead 10 hours would be like...

Bull

Mike has been one of the long-term, devoted followers of The National Enquirer, and you aren't going to convince him to give it up at this point! (Now he has added The Moose Moccasin News in Wyoming)

Mike in Chi

Not from the Enquirer, though I do have an enquiring mind.

It was legitimate press.

As to The Moose Moccasin News, guess what you're getting for Christmas...

Bull

Wow! My own Moose????

Mike in Chi

Yes.

After all, you said you wanted something new with a really big rack

deep_uv

No, your own Moose Knuckle!

Bull

what's the matter..... Globe passed you???