I was at a July 4th party this weekend. A guy I know only casually was showing me his fully restored '70 Chevelle (497 HP). He is not a rennlister and knows nothing about this site.

Anyway, he was telling me about a Court appearance for a business matter a week or so ago on the north shore of Masschusetts at which he hung around to hear a case about a guy who was suing Porsche AG for a problem with his trailer/towing hook-up. The case piqued his interest because he said the plaintiff's side really seemed to know their $hit.

Hmmm....starting to sound vaguely familar....

After a little more description, I am pretty certain it was "LTC". My acquaintance said he even spoke to you for a little while. (He is a big guy with a moustache).

Not sure why that Court would be your venue, which makes me wonder whether someone else in MA is having a similar problem....perhaps it is "Larry."

LTC-- Can you confirm or deny any of this???

 

I'm pretty sure that the case is being pursued by Moe or Curly, that Larry guy actually had a lobotomy and now "group hugs" Cayennes in public!

 

I am considering setting up a lemonade...uh, make that Kool-Ade stand outside the Court to earn a little spare change for mods. I will have to check the docket for the next hearing date since it is not too far from my house.

 

Last time I checked, myself and PCNA were getting along just fine.

 

 

Then there is another fellow out there with a VERY similar experience who lives s.w. of beantown, but for whatever reason is litigating his case in essex county. I will have to get in touch with the guy from the party and see if I can find out a little more. I will report back.

 

 

Good luck in your "Quest". Leave NO stone unturned. The members of the forum are counting on you.

BTW, I would guess that it would be fairly easy to search Essex District Court records for any suits filed against PCNA, if you were so inclined, as they would likely be part of the public record. Along the way, you may even discover the true identity of Larry (supposedly related to Bigfoot) and the mystery behind the Dension/MOST iPod adapter.

Once the identity of this fellow is discovered and made public, perhaps you could arrange for a public witch burning (isn't Salem, MA in Essex County as well?.....coincidence?....I think NOT). I'm sure many Cayenne forum members would gladly fly in for such an event.....

 

Your secret is safe with me...

 

It's not really a secret......

 

Well....... if you're going to let ALL the secrets out.... Here's a partial transcript (just released) of what happened in court last Friday:

Definition: HWSNBN = He who shall not be named.

### START OF TRANSCRIPT ###

Judge Beantown: "Larry, you and your Lawyer approach the bench."
Larry: "Yes, your honor?"
Judge Beantown: "Based on the impressive comments of HWSNBN and the reputation of PCNA, I'm inclined to dismiss this case. Can you counter their claims and produce at least ONE person that will testify that you have made a positive impact on their purchase of a Cayenne? Otherwise, I'm going to have to rule in favor of the defendent on his motion to dismiss."
Larry: "Your honor, this was no easy task --- what you ask is difficult in the Religion of Porsche... so many have been brainwashed by the hood emblem... when they see the emblem, the mind is re-tuned to the PAG frequency. But, yes your honor, one has finally broken through, even though he has only been a one PAG vehicle owner... My lawyer has been instructed to have my pharmacist, I mean MadFox, testify that he benefited from my postings while I was in the vacation villa and has been positively impacted by my comments about his Cayenne."
Judge Beantown: "Swear in his druggist... er, I mean MadFox."
Clerk of Judge: "MadFox, do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
MadFox: "I do."
Larry's Lawyer: "How did you come to know my client?"
MadFox: "I met Larry on the internet. It wasn't a **** site it was that other type of P-word site. Am I permitted to say it in PUBLIC?
Larry's Lawyer: "Yes, go ahead."
MadFox: It was (whispers, almost inaudibly) a Porsche (shhhhh) website. Larry and I have never dated, we're not related, I'm not his internet lover, and we've never met in person until this courtroom appearance today. But, he's kind of a cult hero among the UN-brainwashed. I used to listen to Rush and say, "Ditto" all the time.. Now, I just eat, drink and type on rennlist. He's turned me into a 'new(t)' type of PAG forum member"
HWSNBN: "I zay let'z burnz him..."
Judge Beantown: "Quiet in the courtroom. One more outburst and I'm ruling that VW(s) are better than Porsches.
HWSNBN (under breath): Zee american schitzus, zay can kiz mine ***. Next he'll zay zat Daimler-Chrysler is better than Porsche."
HWSNBN (audibly): Yez Zur, your honorz. Zcuse zee mee.
Larry's Lawyer: "so, Larry turned you into a new(t) type of PAG forum member?
MadFox: "Yes, ..... and........ it got better... "
Larry's Lawyer: "what do you mean 'it got better', sir?"
MadFox: "I mean, I started to question everything about my Cayenne's PERFECT-ness. I started to THINK.. and I uncovered things like, key fob range issues, vibration/shimmy, loose trim, engine misfires, a/c solenoid issues, NAV/radio shorts, NO spare tire... and --- and --- the now infamous, go fudge yourself if you have a CD based Nav system.
HWSNBN: "Shut-up, vill you just shutz up, you idiotz"
Judge Beantown: "I warned you... VW(s) are........"
HWBNBN: "STOPzee.. you're KILLING me.. Don't zay itz?!"
HWSNBN's Lawyer: "Your honor, PLEASE STOP --- my client has tourette's syndrome, I will work more diligently to have him stay quiet through the rest of the proceedings."
Judge Beantown: "Okay, okay.. Go ahead and continue counselor."
Larry: "Judge, we could end this 'problem", right here, if he'd just say "sorry" then, I think we'd all give him 3 more chances at repenting"
HWSNBN: "Nein.. repentz?"
Madfox: "Nines too many... let's just make it easier and count to 3.. ready 1, 2, 5... HWSNBN is now forgiven"
Larry: "that's three Madfox.. "
Madfox: "no, no, no, you said that he could have 3, er, I mean 5 -- wait I'm not sure.. is it 3 or 5?
Larry: "That's the point PAG thinks 3 equals 5 or........ with my Genius IQ let me explain it in less technical terms.. (sigh, exhales deeply)
Okay, your Honor and all you people: PAY ATTENTION! I'm only explaining this one time in simplistic terms. The electric thingee that hangs on the *** of a Cayenne works with certain "in the ***" connecters.. the problem is/was that it doesn't work all the time... You see if you have a 3 thingee Uhaul adapter, you're okay --- but I wanted to use my current "behind the ***" thingee so that I could drive my vehicle without mag flashlites attached to the hood of my Cayenne. Is everyone with me so far?
HWSNBN: "Vill you shutz up.. schitzu.. shutinzee his mouth NOW... vhere is the paid assassin?"
HWSNBN's Lawyer: "Your Honor, COUGH COUGH... you didn't hear anything did you... Let me get my client a glass of water, the Tourette's is getting out of hand... he's foaming at the mouth--- can we have a short recess?"
Judge Beantown: "No! No recess. You know duct tape works well in here, too! Bailiff, go to my office and get some duct tape. Continue."
Larry: "so, I offered to fix the electic thingees that hangs off the *** and make it work for all "in the ***" connectors.. but your Honor, that gentlemen over there said to "shoveinzee upzee ***" and said I wasn't allowed to own a Cayenne anymore... so that's why we're here. I want my Cayenne back with interest and I'll fix the problem for free with my genius IQ."
Larry's Lawyer (under his breath): "What are you saying? Are you crazy?"
Larry (under his breath): "Like a fox, watch what happens when that comment sinks in."
HWSNBN:You vant your freakin' Cayenne back? After you made me buyz thiz piece of crapz back at stickerzee... are you mad? Zee alpha and beta modelz zay aren't worth a Kelly Blue Bookz you freakin' wearer of zee women'z lederhozen... zee are going to maim you.. zee are going to get you.. American courtz.. vee don't need no stinkinz Americanz curts.. all zee stupid americanz vill buy our carz zee vay we make zem.. and zay vill like itz.. zat's right.. zay vill like it..
Judge Beantown: Bailiff, Duct tape that man. The case is dismissed. Larry, I can't order a Cayenne be given to you today based on the FACT that VW's are better than Porsches. So, we'll order into American jurisprudence history that VW's are better than the new breed of Porsches.
HWSNBN: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh, he said it ... VW's are crap.. but if he orders this into the American recordz zhen I cannot live.. vhere is my pistol?"

### End of Transcript ###

 

The only thing missing are the drawings from the courtroom artist

It loses a lot in translation, but still worthy of the 'Cayenne Forum Hall of Fame' with perhaps being immortalized on the 'Official Cayenne Forum T-Shirt'.

Nice job my friend

 

BTW, I've heard that "Larry" is the name he was given when he entered the witness protection program.....apparently no one is safe from the wrath of PCNA.

 

After I send my next letter on the CD's, can you send me Larry's contact at the "program"?!

 

Yes.
Somehow, I am able to contact "Larry" in times of PCNA/Cayenne crisis......all he needs is a phone booth and a few moments to change into his uniform/cape.

P.S. Save the stamp. Unless it's a legal document (oh, I don't know, say a subpoena, delivered certified/registered), you know what you're going to get for the next reply........hypothetically speaking of course, I would have no knowledge of such things.