Gary,

Your comments and wisdom have guided many a Porsche lover. I am truly saddened to hear such awful news. I know no words can offer consolation. For what little it counts I made a small donation in your wife's honor. I urge others to do the same so that perhaps some good may come of this.

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...Vdonationc.jpg

 

My deepest condolences.

 

Gary, your passion for the cars shines in every post you write. But your love for Cindy is so strong as to have broken through in many of these threads. You are a true gentleman. Cindy cannot have found a stronger partner in life or been better loved to the end. My thoughts are with you.

 

I am sorry for your loss, Gary.

 

Gary, I am sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

Gary, I had no idea...sorry to hear about your loss...I hope you're doing OK through this tough time.

 

Gary, I'm very saddened by this news. My thoughts are with you.

 

Thought and prayers to you Gary.

 

So sorry to hear about your loss, Gary. Always remember the good times, and you're in our hearts and prayers. God Bless!

 

Gary,
My condolences to you and your family.
If you need anything just ask.

 

Yes. Sorry Gary.

 

Sorry for your loss... Prayers to you and your family. God bless.

 

Gary, my condolences for your loss.

 

Gary. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as well. I wish you peace.
Jim

 

Actually, I'm desperately seeking a manual on "how to be a widower." It wasn't supposed to go this way. All those insurance plans and "survivor benefit" arrangements were because the women always outlive us, don't they? Except she didn't. A really bad heart attack at 44, and a bad one at 64 that caused a terrible stroke and eventually killed her.

I never do this, but I find I can't write another post just now. I'm still struggling with this. Forgive me if I quote my post to the 6Speed forum:

I thank you all for your kind thoughts, and if you'd like to know more about Cindy I'm preparing a memorial page for her that is probably usable even at this early stage. She liked sports cars and had several of her own, including an NSX, but her real love was horses and there's a nice video there from the days when we were young and she was not so fragile as recent memory insists.

I'm going all 21st century with this because she insisted on having no memorial ceremony, no memorial stone, nor even a burial. Just cremation and her ashes to be scattered at a place beloved to her. She also made me promise to let her die at home and "not stuck full of tubes." I found that to be the most difficult promise I've ever had to fulfill. The impulse to try anything at all to extend her life was almost unconquerable. But I promised and it went with the one fifty years ago.

I haven't come back sooner because I'm having trouble dealing with this. Not just the grief, which is bad enough, but I'm suddenly without a rudder. Men grow up -- or at least we did in my generation -- being taught how to be a good husband, then a good father, and even how to retire with dignity and plan for the day you left your wife a widow. But 'widower' isn't something they taught me.

I'm working on it. Today, I left the house for the first time in a month, and I just drove. Put the C2S on cruise control pointed down one of our long mountain highways. Spent the time talking to some people I've loved, and wishing they could answer. Went 129 miles according to the trip computer, and averaged only 44.2 mph, so I was fairly sedate about it. Most of the time. Stopped for lunch and a fool in a pick-up truck tried to dispute my accelerating to move over from a disappearing lane. Not that I did anything but humiliate him, but I find there's a lot of anger buried under the grief. Having to watch my high school sweetheart die and not being able to find a way to help beyond holding her hand and moistening her lips has me tied in knots.

The car did well as a place to meditate. Hope I do as well as a widower.

Gary