Interpreting 968 Car Ads (Long)
02-08-2008, 01:23 AM
#1
Addict
Rennlist Member
Rennlist Member
Thread Starter
Interpreting 968 Car Ads (Long)
The following "translations" are only humorous because we've seen them too often....for real! I don't take credit for all these as many Rennlisters added to the list a few years ago. I just got around to compiling them tonight...and I started laughing again so hard my eyes started dripping.
If you see some that are missing, please add them.
---------------------
968 GLOSSARY OF COMMONLY USED CAR TERMS
MINT CONDITION - Condition as manufactured, w/minor paint issues, dents in undercarriage, a few leaks.
MINTY CONDITION - As above, only it has some tears in seats, some rust, etc.
NEEDS A TUNEUP - Doesn't run, bad ECU, etc.
A LITTLE ROUGH - Vaguely resembles a 968
GOOD FOR ITS AGE - Poor to Awful
RESTORED - I threw enough stuff in it to be complete
THE FINEST EXAMPLE YOU'LL FIND – (in my garage)
BEEN IN STORAGE - under the oak tree behind the house
ALL ORIGINAL - except the cheesey ricer add-ons I found at Walmart
ORIGINALLY WAS A TURBO MOTOR – in my dreams
RECENT CAM BELT SERVICE -- Done at Bubba's foreign car service. What do you mean there needs to be a working tensioner, rollers replaced, WP replaced?
RECENT CAM BELT SERVICE -- Sprayed some armor-all through the vent hole with the engine idling. Belt looks great, keeps it from cracking more.
RECENT INSPECTION -- Yep, we looked! Didn't fix or replace anything, but we looked. In fact, that's why we're selling it before more stuff happens!
COMPLETELY RESTORED = I've already thrown twice what it's worth into this pig and I STILL can't figure out why it won't run!
RUST FREE: the rust is free.
"CONCOURS” = "A decent fifteen-footer"
SOME DAMAGE FROM SMALL ENGINE FIRE - everything rubber or plastic under the hood is gone.
WILL HELP WITH SHIPPING- will do anything to get this POS off my property
HANDLES GREAT - if it had new shocks, bushings, and matching tires
FLIP-UP HEADLIGHTS - they'll flip up but won't flip back down
QUICK - can beat some SUVs
NEW TIRES- Did a couple burnouts. Watch out for the trans r&p.
GOOD AS NEW = spray painted or siliconed everything questionable
ONE OWNER CAR- he just moves a lot and changes his name often
SMALL TICK ON STARTUP – Belts & rollers shot
$12,000 VALUE FOR ONLY $5,000 - Now priced at only twice what it's worth
ORIGINAL PAINT- It's faded 'till you can't tell what color it is but it's still the original paint
FRESH NEW PAINT - By Bubba's Sandblasting and Paint Shop (don't laugh, there is one of these here locally)
SHOWS HONEST WEAR - Used as an off-road vehicle for the past few years
VERY GOOD RUNNING - Cranks and idles and will hit at least 3K rpms
GOOD RUNNING - Cranks and idles
RUNS - Idles and backfires and won't kill as long as you leave in in 1st gear
FAIR SHAPE - No glass but it doesn't have genuine Chevy fenders retrofitted.
NEEDS A LITTLE WORK - Beyond repair
TIGHT - Thanks to epoxy cement and duct tape
HAIRLINE CRACK - You can see light through it
SMALL CHIPS IN PAINT- Front end looks like it was sandblasted with gravel
NICE PATINA ON MANIFOLD - Even coat of salt corrosion
REPRESENTATIVE PIECE - You can still tell that it's a 968
GOOD DRIVER - For the suicidal
PROBABLY PO WAS A MOVIE STAR - Probably not
CUSTOM VARIATION - PO had the interior carpeting color changed from original
NEEDS PAINT - Has no paint
NEEDS TLC - Nothing works
NEEDS TIGHTENING UP - Everything's loose
RECONDITIONED - Belt sander special
NO CRACKS IN DASH -Just little "hairlines"
ALL ORIGINAL - I finally was able to find all the pieces that were missing
BELONGED TO A DENTIST'S WIFE - You say it belonged to Bonnie and who?
ORIGINAL MILES - On the junkyard odometer
SPEEDOMETER'S STUCK ON 35K MILES - It quit working when we tried to turn it back. I guarantee you it's a low mile car. Oh, the driver's side bolster? The PO carried a lot of money in his billfold, causing the finish to wear off early.
ALL ORIGINAL - Stuff's worn out but nothing's ever been replaced
LEAKS OIL - "All Porsches do that" (or it's just marking its territory)
GIVES A LITTLE PUFF OF SMOKE ON STARTUP - Blown head gasket
SOUND GREAT!! - Muffler rotted and fell off at 280,000 miles. Odometer replaced but could use a muffler if you don't want as much horsepower
ALL LIGHTS WORK - Intermittently
RUNS STEADY - Just won't accelerate past 50 mph
ALWAYS STARTS UP - If you jump it.
ALL PANELS LINE UP EVEN - Half-inch gap is normal on these cars.
DOORS LOCK UP TIGHT - The chains and padlocks come with the car.
REAR HATCH LOCK WORKS - Yea, right
TORQUE TUBE IS IN GOOD SHAPE - The housing anyway
IT'S AN EXTREMELY RARE 6-SPEED -They made three more Tiptronics than sticks
SHIFTS SMOOTH AS SILK - As long as you match the engine speed to the trans
ALL ORIGINAL ENGINE - From a *****'s Jeep
ALL ORIGINAL WHEELS - From four different original cars
HAS FACTORY WHEEL LOCKS - But no keys
AC WORKS - In the winter, just open the moon hatch
WHAT ABOUT THE ORIGNAL TOOL KIT? It has a tool kit? Where's it supposed to be?
"IMMACULATE" was the word used to describe a Karmann Ghia. So I borrowed a truck and trailer and drove two hours to buy it. It was more bondo than steel and had a rust hole on the nose large enough to stick my fist through.
JUST NEEDS A LITTLE FREON .. LOL (True most of the time!)
IT'S BEEN SITTING A WHILE, BUT IT'LL SMOOTH OUT WITH SOME MILES ON IT- Blown head gasket/worn out rings.
OWN A CAR SIMILAR T0 THE ONE FROM 'RISKY BUSINESS' - Means doing business with this guy would be risky
ORIGINAL PAINT IN EXCELLENT-NEAR PERFECT CONDITION= Total respray, fisheyes in paint, and mismatched panels that can be noticed from 50 yards.
TRANSMISSION FLUID JUST REPLACED - there was so much metal in the pan, we're selling it quick
SEAL CONDITIONER ADDED - seals will fail in three...two...
THESE CARS NEED TO BE DRIVEN - but we couldn't because it was in the shop most of the time
RECENTLY REBUILT STROKER - burned oil like a two-stroke
SOME ELECTRICAL WORK DONE - pod and dash reassembled by the Talosians
FEELS LIKE IT HAS 500 HORSEPOWER -- compared to my 3-cylinder Suzuki car
300 HORSEPOWER MOTOR – I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere
AC BLOWS COLD -- if it's cold outside
LOOKS BRAND NEW FROM 10 FEET - you'll hardly notice the ripples in the Bondo.
SLIGHT CURB RASH - goes nicely with the corded tires.
CUSTOM PAINT - Home Depot ran out of red spray cans, so I had to use white on the doors.
JUST NEEDS A GOOD DETAIL TO BE PERFECT - as long as that includes new carpets, seat covers and a dashbord.
JUST NEEDS WASH AND WAX - after you grind off the rust spots.
PURRS LIKE A KITTEN - after a firecaracker was shoved up its rear.
NEVER ABUSED - if you don't count the week it spent underwater in hurricane Katrina.
MINOR FENDER BENDER - Jaws of Life was only used on one door.
JUST A FEW MINOR PROBLEMS THAT SHOULD ONLY TAKE 10 MINUTES TO FIX - you're not allowed to ask why I don't just fix them.
THEFT RECOVERY WITH NO DAMAGE = salvage title after 2-hour pursuit with police ending in 968 crashing into several police cars & suspect shot in car
CUSTOM TWO-TONE INTERIOR = seats re-dyed to remove the red stain from above issue
THIS CAR IS SO CLEAN YOU COULD EAT OFF THE INTAKE - There is so much grim and grease on everything it will increase your bad cholesterol level by just looking at the car
RUNS LIKE A CLOCK = Has bad lifters....... it even ticks like one
If you see some that are missing, please add them.
---------------------
968 GLOSSARY OF COMMONLY USED CAR TERMS
MINT CONDITION - Condition as manufactured, w/minor paint issues, dents in undercarriage, a few leaks.
MINTY CONDITION - As above, only it has some tears in seats, some rust, etc.
NEEDS A TUNEUP - Doesn't run, bad ECU, etc.
A LITTLE ROUGH - Vaguely resembles a 968
GOOD FOR ITS AGE - Poor to Awful
RESTORED - I threw enough stuff in it to be complete
THE FINEST EXAMPLE YOU'LL FIND – (in my garage)
BEEN IN STORAGE - under the oak tree behind the house
ALL ORIGINAL - except the cheesey ricer add-ons I found at Walmart
ORIGINALLY WAS A TURBO MOTOR – in my dreams
RECENT CAM BELT SERVICE -- Done at Bubba's foreign car service. What do you mean there needs to be a working tensioner, rollers replaced, WP replaced?
RECENT CAM BELT SERVICE -- Sprayed some armor-all through the vent hole with the engine idling. Belt looks great, keeps it from cracking more.
RECENT INSPECTION -- Yep, we looked! Didn't fix or replace anything, but we looked. In fact, that's why we're selling it before more stuff happens!
COMPLETELY RESTORED = I've already thrown twice what it's worth into this pig and I STILL can't figure out why it won't run!
RUST FREE: the rust is free.
"CONCOURS” = "A decent fifteen-footer"
SOME DAMAGE FROM SMALL ENGINE FIRE - everything rubber or plastic under the hood is gone.
WILL HELP WITH SHIPPING- will do anything to get this POS off my property
HANDLES GREAT - if it had new shocks, bushings, and matching tires
FLIP-UP HEADLIGHTS - they'll flip up but won't flip back down
QUICK - can beat some SUVs
NEW TIRES- Did a couple burnouts. Watch out for the trans r&p.
GOOD AS NEW = spray painted or siliconed everything questionable
ONE OWNER CAR- he just moves a lot and changes his name often
SMALL TICK ON STARTUP – Belts & rollers shot
$12,000 VALUE FOR ONLY $5,000 - Now priced at only twice what it's worth
ORIGINAL PAINT- It's faded 'till you can't tell what color it is but it's still the original paint
FRESH NEW PAINT - By Bubba's Sandblasting and Paint Shop (don't laugh, there is one of these here locally)
SHOWS HONEST WEAR - Used as an off-road vehicle for the past few years
VERY GOOD RUNNING - Cranks and idles and will hit at least 3K rpms
GOOD RUNNING - Cranks and idles
RUNS - Idles and backfires and won't kill as long as you leave in in 1st gear
FAIR SHAPE - No glass but it doesn't have genuine Chevy fenders retrofitted.
NEEDS A LITTLE WORK - Beyond repair
TIGHT - Thanks to epoxy cement and duct tape
HAIRLINE CRACK - You can see light through it
SMALL CHIPS IN PAINT- Front end looks like it was sandblasted with gravel
NICE PATINA ON MANIFOLD - Even coat of salt corrosion
REPRESENTATIVE PIECE - You can still tell that it's a 968
GOOD DRIVER - For the suicidal
PROBABLY PO WAS A MOVIE STAR - Probably not
CUSTOM VARIATION - PO had the interior carpeting color changed from original
NEEDS PAINT - Has no paint
NEEDS TLC - Nothing works
NEEDS TIGHTENING UP - Everything's loose
RECONDITIONED - Belt sander special
NO CRACKS IN DASH -Just little "hairlines"
ALL ORIGINAL - I finally was able to find all the pieces that were missing
BELONGED TO A DENTIST'S WIFE - You say it belonged to Bonnie and who?
ORIGINAL MILES - On the junkyard odometer
SPEEDOMETER'S STUCK ON 35K MILES - It quit working when we tried to turn it back. I guarantee you it's a low mile car. Oh, the driver's side bolster? The PO carried a lot of money in his billfold, causing the finish to wear off early.
ALL ORIGINAL - Stuff's worn out but nothing's ever been replaced
LEAKS OIL - "All Porsches do that" (or it's just marking its territory)
GIVES A LITTLE PUFF OF SMOKE ON STARTUP - Blown head gasket
SOUND GREAT!! - Muffler rotted and fell off at 280,000 miles. Odometer replaced but could use a muffler if you don't want as much horsepower
ALL LIGHTS WORK - Intermittently
RUNS STEADY - Just won't accelerate past 50 mph
ALWAYS STARTS UP - If you jump it.
ALL PANELS LINE UP EVEN - Half-inch gap is normal on these cars.
DOORS LOCK UP TIGHT - The chains and padlocks come with the car.
REAR HATCH LOCK WORKS - Yea, right
TORQUE TUBE IS IN GOOD SHAPE - The housing anyway
IT'S AN EXTREMELY RARE 6-SPEED -They made three more Tiptronics than sticks
SHIFTS SMOOTH AS SILK - As long as you match the engine speed to the trans
ALL ORIGINAL ENGINE - From a *****'s Jeep
ALL ORIGINAL WHEELS - From four different original cars
HAS FACTORY WHEEL LOCKS - But no keys
AC WORKS - In the winter, just open the moon hatch
WHAT ABOUT THE ORIGNAL TOOL KIT? It has a tool kit? Where's it supposed to be?
"IMMACULATE" was the word used to describe a Karmann Ghia. So I borrowed a truck and trailer and drove two hours to buy it. It was more bondo than steel and had a rust hole on the nose large enough to stick my fist through.
JUST NEEDS A LITTLE FREON .. LOL (True most of the time!)
IT'S BEEN SITTING A WHILE, BUT IT'LL SMOOTH OUT WITH SOME MILES ON IT- Blown head gasket/worn out rings.
OWN A CAR SIMILAR T0 THE ONE FROM 'RISKY BUSINESS' - Means doing business with this guy would be risky
ORIGINAL PAINT IN EXCELLENT-NEAR PERFECT CONDITION= Total respray, fisheyes in paint, and mismatched panels that can be noticed from 50 yards.
TRANSMISSION FLUID JUST REPLACED - there was so much metal in the pan, we're selling it quick
SEAL CONDITIONER ADDED - seals will fail in three...two...
THESE CARS NEED TO BE DRIVEN - but we couldn't because it was in the shop most of the time
RECENTLY REBUILT STROKER - burned oil like a two-stroke
SOME ELECTRICAL WORK DONE - pod and dash reassembled by the Talosians
FEELS LIKE IT HAS 500 HORSEPOWER -- compared to my 3-cylinder Suzuki car
300 HORSEPOWER MOTOR – I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere
AC BLOWS COLD -- if it's cold outside
LOOKS BRAND NEW FROM 10 FEET - you'll hardly notice the ripples in the Bondo.
SLIGHT CURB RASH - goes nicely with the corded tires.
CUSTOM PAINT - Home Depot ran out of red spray cans, so I had to use white on the doors.
JUST NEEDS A GOOD DETAIL TO BE PERFECT - as long as that includes new carpets, seat covers and a dashbord.
JUST NEEDS WASH AND WAX - after you grind off the rust spots.
PURRS LIKE A KITTEN - after a firecaracker was shoved up its rear.
NEVER ABUSED - if you don't count the week it spent underwater in hurricane Katrina.
MINOR FENDER BENDER - Jaws of Life was only used on one door.
JUST A FEW MINOR PROBLEMS THAT SHOULD ONLY TAKE 10 MINUTES TO FIX - you're not allowed to ask why I don't just fix them.
THEFT RECOVERY WITH NO DAMAGE = salvage title after 2-hour pursuit with police ending in 968 crashing into several police cars & suspect shot in car
CUSTOM TWO-TONE INTERIOR = seats re-dyed to remove the red stain from above issue
THIS CAR IS SO CLEAN YOU COULD EAT OFF THE INTAKE - There is so much grim and grease on everything it will increase your bad cholesterol level by just looking at the car
RUNS LIKE A CLOCK = Has bad lifters....... it even ticks like one
02-08-2008, 04:54 AM
#5
RL Community Team
Rennlist Member
Rennlist Member
That's cynical! But hilarious!
I've seen so many 944 ads saying it has a v6.
Most people that approach me about my 968 say something like "this has a V8, right?
I've seen so many 944 ads saying it has a v6.
Most people that approach me about my 968 say something like "this has a V8, right?
Trending Topics
02-08-2008, 02:50 PM
#8
Rennlist Member
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Phoenix and Forest Virginia
Posts: 1,966
Received 310 Likes
on
172 Posts
Too funny, I've got one-
SERIOUS BUYERS ONLY- If you don't have a job don't waste my time. If you do have a job want to loball the price by half, refer to 1st statement.
SERIOUS BUYERS ONLY- If you don't have a job don't waste my time. If you do have a job want to loball the price by half, refer to 1st statement.
02-19-2008, 05:04 PM
#10
Instructor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 123
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
WOULD MAKE A GREAT TRACK CAR - All bodywork destroyed/mismatched and assembled with "racing" tape. No glass. Interior missing. Roll-cage made of muffler tubing from a Midas shop. High-dollar tow hooks, front and rear.
RECENT PPI DONE - 2 years and 30,000 miles ago by a Wal-Mart tire and lube express.
RECENT PPI DONE - 2 years and 30,000 miles ago by a Wal-Mart tire and lube express.
02-20-2008, 12:17 AM
#11
Addict
Rennlist Member
Rennlist Member
Thread Starter
WOULD MAKE A GREAT TRACK CAR - All bodywork destroyed/mismatched and assembled with "racing" tape. No glass. Interior missing. Roll-cage made of muffler tubing from a Midas shop. High-dollar tow hooks, front and rear.
RECENT PPI DONE - 2 years and 30,000 miles ago by a Wal-Mart tire and lube express.
RECENT PPI DONE - 2 years and 30,000 miles ago by a Wal-Mart tire and lube express.
H2
