Jadz928

No offense, but that book is horse pucky. No pun intended.

Those relationship books are filled with band-aid fixes and really gerneral "here's what you gotta do's". I know this is a gross generalization, but...
It's difficult to create lasting positive affect by reading about what works in a general case.
Every relationship is personal and layered with social issues. Nothing beats a good ole knock-down, drag-out, lets get to the core of it, in extended psyschotherapy.

eugkim

Won't make a difference - toys aren't important to women, even if they like them.

RKD in OKC

It is not a 12 step do this and all will be fixed book. It does not offer any specific solutions. It describes the general needs and thinking of men vs the neediness and off the wall thinking women. Helps to understand where the other is coming from. If anything it offers strategy for the knock down drag out you describe. Back to my cave now.

Dean_Fuller

^1+

Cheryl Carter

I would suggest you tell her you want to see a marriage counselor. Maybe an independent third party would make her realize how unfair she is. At this point, based on the description of your relationship, you have nothing to lose.

If you sell all your toys I think you will have more resentment than your marriage will survive. Selling the toys won't fix the problem. GET OUTSIDE HELP OR KISS YOUR MARRIAGE GOOD BYE.

Jadz928

Well, that's a bit harsh. Though, I agree that counseling could help alot.

This is just from my relative perspective but this appears to be a rift. Maybe a big rift, but nothing that would get me all bunched up in fear of a failing marriage.
Heck, I deal with this on a daily basis. My soon-to-be wife (I call her my wife) and I go through this all the time. She does not appreciate my passion for 928s. She was gritting her teeth when I sold my dd 323i to replace it with a second 928. But I did it anyway.
What I've found is it's all about balance btw her needs, our child's needs, and my own. That is why I wake up at 5am on Saturday and Sunday morning to work on the 928s. I'm in the house cooking breakfast at 10am. No reason for her to complain about that. I'm learning how to prioritize what is most important. And though I love my cars alot, they don't even rate when it comes down to it.
I think I know his situation a little. I just bought 928 too. Btw the purchase and delivery, talking about it all the time, buying parts, and getting maintanence up-to-snuff... his wife is probably getting a little sick about it. Mine is. Esp. after the PS fluid debacle. I'm in the 928 "dog house" and getting married on Sunday.
My suggestion for you Coldbeer is to put down the wrenches and park the car. Hop on your wife and go for a ride... so to speak.

perrys4

Pretty solid statement coming from a Newb!!

The_Remora

Wow, now we really know who wears the pants in this relationship. This is just too much, selling both cars and your other toys too.

Time to make a stand my man; the horse has to go. The only way to do this and make the proper statement to the wife is it to shoot the horse. Yes, you must take a gun and go shoot that horse, just to show her who's boss here. No need to place the severed head in her bed Godfather style because its probably your bed too (i would hope) and that would be gross. But its gotta be done, go out there to the barn and shoot that sucker dead, giddiyup.

Cheryl Carter

You need to send her a subtle message. How 'bout slipping the horse's head in bed with her before she wakes up tomorrow morning.

eugkim

I've been in a similar situation, and I'll throw in my 0.02. I agree that punting a marriage over toys is stupid. I've given up (hopefully temporarily) my passion, golf, to keep the peace. While I harbored some resentment initially, I realized that I was losing valuable time with my 3 kids. As they've gotten older, I found that the guys who were playing as much as I'd like to were the unreasonable ones, especially since they were ignoring their families.

I had the pleasure of spending a couple of hours with David and his lovely family. He'd be insane to let a car get in the way of his family. However, my advice would be to let things blow over, let any anger dissipate, then sit down and communicate. Many marital problems are the result of anger and the failure to communicate. I'm as guilty as anyone. The easy road is to throw your hands up and say, F-it and sell all of your possesions. The more effective method would be a lengthy, heart-to-heart discussion addressing each other's needs. Clearly, men desire and need toys to an extent. It's hard when wives don't understand the concept. Likewise, women don't typically need or crave toys, so buying them jewelry, horses, or cars doesn't usually appease them. I'd find out what the real issue is. David says that she needs things her way 100% - what does this entail? Why the beef about spending? It may help to understand what she's looking for; if you can understand her position, it will be easier to come to a mutual agreement. After all, she may have a point if the bills are being paid, but your lifestyle amounts to you living "paycheck to paycheck." You have to give women the credit in that many are more practical, and want to avoid a potential financial crisis. Clearly, the 87 S4 has to go. Maybe just keeping the GTS and enjoying it as is without upgrades/mods would be a start. I'd think that one pleasure vehicle instead of multiple cars and bikes would help. See what middle ground is possible.

Hope this situation plays out in a favorable way for both of you. Stay away from anger at all costs. When you think you're losing it, go give all of your sons a big hug and kiss and you'll feel much better.

Good luck.

perrys4

I have to be serious here for a minute. I was in this position a few years ago...nothing i did was right and I gave up almost everything I liked to make a woman happy. It wasn't the toys, or anything really other than she wasn't happy with herself and used me as a scapegoat for her unhappiness. We tried counseling, ect...now we are divorced and guess what, she is still the unhappy miserable person she was. Difference now is she has non one to blame but herself now.

My point is that there are underlying issues you need to get to the bottom of. Her having her toys and you not is wrong on all levels of a marriage. If you needed money and were having financial issues I would applaud you, but your not. You need to have a long talk with her.

tomcat

Speaking from experience and hindsight, the problem here may not be accumulation of toys. It could also be that your enthusiasm for your hobby is threatening to her.

I'm sure your offer to sell your toys is making her feel better if this is the case. But maybe, letting her know she really is "first," may mitigate losing both (as in relationship and toys).

tomcat

I always thought the title was, "Men are from Mars and Women Like my P..."

Dean_Fuller

If I were a betting man ( and I'm putting $20.00 on the fact that I am ) I would agree that its the TIME you may be spending on the car thing. How about some "dates" with the wife?

David is probably feeling he wished he had not mentioned anything about the reason he is selling. Its certainly turned into a marriage counseling thread.....But really...we are family to a point. Reading threads and interacting. David, when I found my 89 S4 and it didn't have a shifter handle, GAVE me his for FREE and SHIPPED it to me. Others have given valuable advice that has made owning one of these cars possible. In my case it would not of been with what Porsche mechanics charge. This community is special. I have met more nice people in this group than any other I have been a part of. We all , I know, wish David and his family the best. I do hope this is a knee jerk response to being upset....we ALL have those.

Randy V

After reading the various posts by the OP, it seems he may be a lost cause.