sad news for some
01-17-2003, 11:25 AM
#1
sad news for some
Seen in the Dec. 2002 edition of The Orange Peel Gazette...
You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Yesterday scientists for Health Canada suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should take a long hard look at their beer consumption. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer, each within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Yesterday scientists for Health Canada suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should take a long hard look at their beer consumption. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer, each within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
01-17-2003, 11:30 AM
#2
Drifting
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Geneva">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Geneva">Originally posted by Tim Strayer, just a lousy fanatic..:
<strong>It was then observed that 100% of the men talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Geneva">Hahahahahahahahahaha. Sounds like me last night, and I didn't even drink beer. Just Caipiroska. Whats the excuse there then - just drinking to excess methinks.
<strong>It was then observed that 100% of the men talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Geneva">Hahahahahahahahahaha. Sounds like me last night, and I didn't even drink beer. Just Caipiroska. Whats the excuse there then - just drinking to excess methinks.
01-17-2003, 12:12 PM
#3
Nordschleife Master
<img border="0" alt="[hiha]" title="" src="graemlins/roflmao.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[hiha]" title="" src="graemlins/roflmao.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[hiha]" title="" src="graemlins/roflmao.gif" />
Here is to speaking the truth... <img border="0" alt="[cherrsagai]" title="" src="graemlins/drink.gif" />
Here is to speaking the truth... <img border="0" alt="[cherrsagai]" title="" src="graemlins/drink.gif" />
01-17-2003, 03:03 PM
#5
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damn no further testing!?!....and all this 6 pint per hour training down the drain....the sad tale of an aspiring 6 pint per hour human guinie pig
01-17-2003, 05:14 PM
#7
Jane Bond 007
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If it really turned men into women you'd do twice as much work for half the pay, have your ideas stolen by men, be expected to look pretty under any circumstances, and raise your children singlehanded while your husband drank beer!
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01-17-2003, 05:25 PM
#8
Nordschleife Master
Okay, now I've got one:
>Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's a
>prime example offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
>
>Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
>process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
>his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the
>first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
>paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first
>paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back
>also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third
>paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been
>written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be
>absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say
>must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a
>conclusion has been reached."
>
>The following was actually turned in by two of my English Students:
>
>Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).
>
>THE STORY:
>
>(First paragraph by Rebecca)
>
>At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
>reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
>liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
>off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
>too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
>question.
>
>(Second paragraph by Gary)
>
>Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack Squadron now
>in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
>neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
>spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"
>he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
>sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
>particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's
>cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat
>and across the cockpit.
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
>last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
>ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
>hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
>Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
>newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her.
>She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had
>passed unhurriedly and are free, with no newspapers to read, no
>television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
>beautiful things around her. Why must one lose one's innocence to become
>a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
>
>(Gary)
>
>Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
>of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
>its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
>the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
>Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
>determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
>of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
>enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,
>they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
>entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile
>submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
>inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and
>85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
>table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow
>'em out of the sky!"
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
>writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>
>
>(Gary)
>
>Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
>writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
>tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an
>air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>*******.
>
>(Gary)
>
>Bitch.
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>DICK!
>
>(Gary)
>
>****.
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>**** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
>
>(Gary)
>
>Go drink some tea - *****.
>
>(TEACHER)
>
>A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A.
>Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's a
>prime example offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
>
>Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
>process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
>his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the
>first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
>paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first
>paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back
>also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third
>paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been
>written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be
>absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say
>must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a
>conclusion has been reached."
>
>The following was actually turned in by two of my English Students:
>
>Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).
>
>THE STORY:
>
>(First paragraph by Rebecca)
>
>At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
>reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
>liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
>off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
>too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
>question.
>
>(Second paragraph by Gary)
>
>Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack Squadron now
>in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
>neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
>spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"
>he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
>sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
>particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's
>cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat
>and across the cockpit.
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
>last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
>ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
>hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
>Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
>newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her.
>She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had
>passed unhurriedly and are free, with no newspapers to read, no
>television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
>beautiful things around her. Why must one lose one's innocence to become
>a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
>
>(Gary)
>
>Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
>of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
>its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
>the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
>Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
>determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
>of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
>enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,
>they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
>entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile
>submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
>inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and
>85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
>table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow
>'em out of the sky!"
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
>writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>
>
>(Gary)
>
>Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
>writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
>tea? Or shall I have some other sort of ****ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an
>air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>*******.
>
>(Gary)
>
>Bitch.
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>DICK!
>
>(Gary)
>
>****.
>
>(Rebecca)
>
>**** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
>
>(Gary)
>
>Go drink some tea - *****.
>
>(TEACHER)
>
>A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A.
01-17-2003, 05:29 PM
#9
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Rennlist Member
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Geneva">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Geneva">Originally posted by MichelleJD:
<strong>If it really turned men into women you'd do twice as much work for half the pay, have your ideas stolen by men, be expected to look pretty under any circumstances, and raise your children singlehanded while your husband drank beer!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Geneva">Touche!
<strong>If it really turned men into women you'd do twice as much work for half the pay, have your ideas stolen by men, be expected to look pretty under any circumstances, and raise your children singlehanded while your husband drank beer!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica,Geneva">Touche!
01-17-2003, 05:31 PM
#10
Nordschleife Master
And now I'm gonna go have a beer.
BTW, did you hear about our famous (now infamous) political leader here in Beautiful British Columbia?
Went to Hawaii and got busted fro drinking and driving!!! You should have seen the look on his wifes face during his press conference!
BTW, did you hear about our famous (now infamous) political leader here in Beautiful British Columbia?
Went to Hawaii and got busted fro drinking and driving!!! You should have seen the look on his wifes face during his press conference!
01-17-2003, 06:36 PM
#12
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Rich: ****ing hilarious. I'm copying that down.
Now, I want to know what kind of weakling Canadiens got messed up off of 6 pints of beer in an hour? They need to attend an American college and join American frats so that they can hold their friggin alcohol.
Now, I want to know what kind of weakling Canadiens got messed up off of 6 pints of beer in an hour? They need to attend an American college and join American frats so that they can hold their friggin alcohol.
01-17-2003, 07:31 PM
#13
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I think Prerydog is thinking that the Canadians drink that watereddown crap that we have here in the US. I live in Detroit and am 20 minutes from the bridge to Windsor, Canada, of course when I was 19 (the legel drinking age in Canada) I would go over the border to the bar. Trust me if you have not experienced it that 6 pints of Canadian beer can get you tipsy.
01-17-2003, 09:24 PM
#14
Done With Sidepatch
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Rennlist Member
Very funny Rich... <img border="0" alt="[thumbsup]" title="" src="graemlins/bigok.gif" />
Mark, The study probably used Canadian beer...You know, 6 CDN beer = 18 US beer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />
Mark, The study probably used Canadian beer...You know, 6 CDN beer = 18 US beer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />
