hoffman912

this thread reminds me of somthing i posted a while back

definition of porsche owners by model

356 - "Maintaining the Tradition" 356 owners can tell you, in painful detail every aspect about their car and when it was produced. 356 owners can recite from memory, the VIN, chassis, and engine numbers from their car, and if they are original. Due to years of practice scrounging obscure, hard to find, long out of production parts, 356 owners feel right at home in junkyards, old barns and other places old cars come to rest. Every 356 owner tooling along with his driving hat and gloves has a near sexual fantasy of finding a forgotten, original Carrera in some desolate place and picking it up for pennies on the dollar. 356 owners meticulously restore their cars to showroom condition to make a good showing at the next PCA meet. When the total restoration bill is added up, it usually exceeds the GNP of some small African countries. 356 Owners tend to be the friendliest of all the Porsche Owners ? as they have been too busy trying to find the correct beehive taillight to get involved with inter-model squabbles.

911 - "Defenders of the Faith" Firmly believing that they own the one "true" Porsche (except when 356 owners are around), they look down on all others as inferior, overpriced Volkswagens or Audis. 911 owners will spend thousands converting their car to look/perform like a newer/faster model even if is costs more than if they had bought the actual car they are copying. 911 owners, amongst themselves will debate the virtues of their fuel system and/or tail and its superiority to another 911s configuration. When driving another car, 911 owners get confused and suspect vehicle malfunction if the *** end of their car doesn't slide out behind them in a curve. All other Porsche owners claim to loathe 911s and their owner's haughty attitudes, but secretly hope to own a 911 themselves.

914 - "The Red-Headed Step-Child" Long scarred by the stigma of not owning a "Real Porsche", and subsequently being told that their car is, in fact, an overpriced Volkswagen, 914 owners are forced to overcompensate for their implied inferiority complex by having the ability to tell you anything and everything about their car, and if you own a 914 too, everything about your car. 914 owners will debate for days on end the pros/cons of: fuel injection vs. carb, hood badge vs. no hood badge, hydraulic vs. non-hydraulic lifters. Possessing an engineering ability rivaled only by "McGyver", they can, with 2 tuna cans, some wire, and a few rubber hoses restore a non-running engine. 914 owners either spend, or aspire to spend countless man-hours and thousands of dollars improving the engine and suspension to something close to 911 standards - even if it costs more than what they could have bought a 911 for. A 914 owner is happiest at the track giggling manically as he passes a 911; at that point, all is right with the world, and the only blots on the horizon are rust and the odd dropped valve seat.

928 - "The Money Pit" 928 owners feel themselves the luckiest individuals in the world, as they have found these very expensive sports cars and picked them up for pennies on the dollar. 928 owners can be identified by sound in most Porsche repair shops - they all tend to say something along the lines of "(insert large dollar amount here) to fix (insert relatively trivial part here)! You've got to be kidding me, I only paid (some number less than $10000 here) for the car." All 928 owners secretly compare themselves to Tom Cruise in "Risky Business" and have at least once danced around their living room in a button-down shirt, briefs, and ray-ban sunglasses to "Old Time Rock and Roll".

924/944/968 - "Sports car on a Budget" The "Wetheads" all unite in the "us vs. them" struggle with the 911 crowd. Wetheads are divided amongst themselves between the crowd that maintains the car to point of near obsession, even though the value of the car was exceeded long ago, and the crowd that firmly believes that the engineers didn't know what they were doing and that several doctorates in engineering can be overcome by low-cost, bolt on performance modifications or quick DIY maintenance techniques. The end result is usually severe engine failure, after given the repair bill, said wethead gripes about shoddy engine design and bad engineering, and of course, then goes out looking for yet another wethead car.

930 - "I have a turbo, It sucks to be you" Openly acknowledge their superiority above all other Porsches, even the 911. If they thought they could get away with it, they would demand owners of inferior Porsches, which in their mind are all others; (Until that ^$@*@&D with the 959 shows up!) should genuflect or show other some other form of blind admiration to them and their car (the sacrifice of virgins and/or lambs has been proposed) Amongst themselves, they discuss and plot ways to squeeze even more horsepower out of their engines, with the long term goal of a 930 that exceeds 600 HP, and can go more than a few months without total overhaul. 930 owners get extremely uncomfortable if the 944 turbo S or the 968CS is mentioned. The 930 owner will quickly point out that even though those cars were quicker, they are in fact, overpriced Audis and therefore cannot be compared to the engineering perfection that is the 930 (again, until that *&%^%* with the 959 shows up!) Any attempts it dispute their position may result in a violent response, as their ego's, while very large, are also extremely fragile.

Boxster - "It's the Trendy thing to do" This person knows little about cars and less about Porsches. A frequent denizen of the shop to troubleshoot a strange electrical/headlight problem: "Other cars that kind of look like mine flash their lights at me; I'm positive my lights were turned off, does this car have daytime running lights?" Is vaguely aware that Porsche actually made cars before 1997, but could not identify them by sight. Bemoans the lack of a cupholder, as it is really hard to shift while holding that grande double decaf mocha latte from Starbucks.

996 - "I shoulda kept my SC!" Bought by 911 owners who missed out on the 993 because they were too busy modifying their 1979 to look like an 93 964 turbo. Feels totally lost when looking at the engine, as there is little there that is immediately recognizable "Where's the fan damnit!" Very disconcerted at the presence of a **gasp** coolant tank, privately worries that the guys at the PCA meeting will tease him about it. In a desperate effort to return to familiar sights/smells, intentionally spills oil on hot exhaust. Debates the pros/cons of removing the current air vent and putting a whale tail on it.

Cayenne - "What the hell were they thinking?!" Every SUV needs a 4.5 liter twin turbo engine and cupholders for Juniors Hi-C juice-box in the back seat. Looks like what you would get if a 911 mated with a Hyundai Santa Fe. Expected to be one of the best designed Porsches ever, since they obviously moved the engineers that USED to work on the LeMans cars to the project. This is the one area where airhead and wethead can generally agree: "It ain't a Porsche."

One more: 912 - "Wanna-bees" 912 owners claim their engine was the pinnacle of the 356 engine development, which upsets the 356 guys greatly. They also claim to use the best chassis shell (911), which upsets the 911 guys greatly. Desiring a 911, but not being able to afford the exorbitant engine costs (like they can talk), and being totally shunned by the 911 guys there was only one place to turn, inward. With nowhere to go, 912 guys band together in little collectives, mostly based in California. Some are obsessive in finding that all original, no rust, black plate CA car, while others just want to drive what they have. 912s came one way, plain. Though often ranked with the 914 as being a glorified VW, an early 912 is really all Porsche, and the owners will let you know it. Some owners will distance themselves from those VW owning, 912 E guys, but most are welcoming of them into the 912 fold ("Four cylinders and rear engines gotta hang together."). 912 owners are typically the most tolerant of the other styles. Being a bottom feeder does that to them.

austin944

They don't talk about the 911 and 928 past the 1983 model year. But they talk about the 924 up until its last year of production in 1988 (924S). Seems a bit inconsistent, but I don't see a slight against the 944/968.

Perhaps they don't consider a car to be a classic unless the model started production before 1983 (?).

Tony K

Harry - that was a fun read! The 924/944/968 part describes this forum perfectly!

...especially with some of the current threads!

UDPride

Hehe, I agree! Wait, umm, whuch you talk 'bout wiwwis?????