ltc

This just in from the wire services.............

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Dateline: North Pole.
Headline: Christmas delayed due to Cayenne towing issue, lawsuits filed.

In a stunning disappointment for children (and adults who act like children) around the world, Kris Kringle stated today at a web conference that due to a 'towing incompatiblility issue' between his reindeer sled and his recently purchased Cayenne tow vehicle, Christmas may be delayed.

Details are still coming in at this time, but this is what we know so far.....

The issue began when Mr Kringle (d/b/a Santa Claus) decided to hook up reindeer sleigh up to his newly acquired Porsche Cayenne for this year's toy delivery trip around the world.

Immediately upon attaching the reindeer sleigh to the 7 pin Pollack connector, a "!" Check Trailer Lights warning message was displayed on the dashboard of the Cayenne and Rudolph's red nose went out, along with the headlights on the Cayenne, leaving him in total darkness.

Mr Kringle did due diligence by referring to the owner's manual, while Mrs Kringle administered CPR to Rudolph while the other reindeer watched in horror. Rudolph's condition is not known at this time.

Upon finding NO reference to the "!" Check Trailer Lights message ANYWHERE in the owner's manual, Mr Kringle then called Porsche Roadside Assistance, as time was of the essence to get the Cayenne on the road, now that Rudolph's future was in doubt.

Upon reaching Porsche Roadside assistance, Mr Kringle described the problem in detail and was immediately transferred to PCNA Legal in Atlanta.

PCNA Legal in Atlanta, after conferring with PCNA Front Desk Engineering, told Mr Kringle the following:

1. The Porsche Cayenne was NOT designed to be compatible with red nose reindeer lighting systems.
2. By connecting a reindeer sleigh to the Porsche Cayenne, he had immediately voided his warranty.
3. He was then told, and I quote: "Stuff It Fat Man".

Mr Kringle, left with no other recourse, consulted his "whose been naught and whose been nice" list and contacted Rennlist Cayenne forum member "ltc"; (it is NOT known which list "ltc" was on: naughty or nice.)

"ltc" was unable to provide any assistance regarding the Cayenne but was able to put Mr Kringle in touch with legal counsel to help resolve the issue.
"ltc" also offered the services of his 2005 Ford Excursion Eddie Bauer edition 6.0l PowerStroke diesel to tow the reindeer sleigh, as unlike the Cayenne, this vehicle has no issue with reindeer sleigh lighting attached to its 7 pin Pollack connector.

Mr Kringle then thanked "ltc" and asked one further question:
"Would you happen to know the address of PCNA President Peter Schwarenbauer?" to which "ltc" replied, "as a matter of fact, yes I do"
Mr Kringle, smiling, said: "Are you busy AFTER Christmas Eve? Would you like to take a trip to Atlanta with me and the Elves known as Vito, Vinnie and Nunzio?"...to which "ltc" replied...."how did you know what I wanted for Christmas?"

At this time, legal counsel for Mr Kringle are filing class action lawsuits on behalf of:
Rudolph's family
Children (and adults who act like children) from around the world
All Cayenne owners with option 1D6 (factory tow option)

We will post further details as they become available.
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Happy Holidays to everyone in the Cayenne forum....in my own 'special' way.

Torags

Merry Christmas to you and yours Lewis.....

and Merry Christmas to everyone else, and thanks to all of you for very civilized enjoyable contributions to this forum....

Shamus

Now who has too much time on his hands?

Renn 951

Merry Xmas, Lewis! Now, please get back on your meds!!

skl

thanks lewis.....

PogueMoHone

Lewis,

You missed your calling!

Happy Christmas!

alex911s

Merry Xmas Lewis, I just stopped laughing

Zin

Still laughing.

356driver

Now Lewis, leave those poor Porsche executives alone. It's all funny until someone gets hurt.

Merry Christmas to everyone on this forum...a great group of people.

ltc

I'm sure Santa and his "elves" are just going to leave a few lumps.....of coal of course, what other kind of lumps do you think PCNA executives deserve?

JW3

Seinfeld, if you're out there and reading this forum, take note of the genius, levity, compassion and commeraderie exchanged on this site - it is a gold mine. It's my favorite station. All the best to you all. JW

curveraider

Every single time I get close to forgetting about all of the Cayenne problems and start thinking about buying a Pepper, I see a post like this and it stops me dead in my tracks! After a few drinks, I'll be back to thinking about buying one again.

MadFox

Keep Drinking.. it takes a lot of drinks to forget about all the hassles.. but at the same time.. I've loved the SOB.. I mean SUV.. It is an awesome vehicle with a flawed new execution by PAG.. it is improving in later reiterations.. but, it has been PAINFUL..

Ltc.. thanks for the present! Enjoyed the non-fiction.. er.. Fiction! ha!

ltc

IIRC, Seinfeld does NOT own a Cayenne....he owns just about one of every other Porsche, except the Cayenne.......anyone care to guess why?

P.S. Jerry, if you ARE reading this, send me a PM if you're looking for a good comedy writer....this engineering thing isn't working out as well as I had hoped.

ltc

So, you drink you say.......you'll do just fine owning a Cayenne.
JUST DO IT.