rootwyrm

So if you've seen my posts elsewhere, you know what Onyxia is. She's a unicorn among unicorns - a 2012 911 Carrera 4 GTS coupe 6 speed. A fairly high mileage example at a bit past 59000 when I picked her up from RAC Performance on Friday. Which was... a hell of a day. Southwest cancelled my connection for my first flight, rebooked me for a much later arrival, then managed to rebook me again so that I ended up only an hour behind. (Good guy Southwest.) Myles and Tristan had her pretty much ready to go when I arrived, and I got on the road down to Austin to visit a friend there.

Lesson learned - never take I35. Especially not at rush hour, on a Friday, on a holiday weekend. It's like the trifecta of fail.

So I arrived in Austin well into the dark, and less than a mile from my destination, picked up a bolt through the passenger rear tire. Which led to a WHOLE THING on Saturday. Manuel at Armada Towing in Austin can be trusted with your Porsche, as can Aaron and Matthew at Bee Cave Discount Tire. They really went above and beyond, staying late on a holiday Friday to make sure I was able to get on the road no later than today. But that left me completely exhausted and spent - I ain't a young man any more - so I didn't actually get to really start learning Onyxia till Monday. After spending all of the drive on Friday trying to get used to what I will continue to derisively call a push-button clutch. (I'm used to cable-operated. Deal with it.)

Monday was a short trip, getting used to hill hold (VERY important on a nose-scraper incline) and the rest of the things. Already, she's showing her character, and it's... it's really something. Well, then I look at the forecasts for Gordon and my Tuesday "catch up with folks I know that are local, check out Winding River" plans turn into "GOTTA GO NOW." Nothing sucks the fun out of your trip like realizing you are now on a VERY real ticking clock with VERY real danger to life and limb. My route has me going through Arkansas (I'm in Hope, AR right now - forecast to take a direct hit from TS Gordon tomorrow evening at the latest.) So I'm out the door and on the road by 11AM, heading east. And finally, finally able to open her up.

Onyxia is a non-player character from World of Warcraft (shut up, I'm a nerd, I know it.) She is an ancient black dragon, malevolent, highly intelligent, extremely cunning, and absolutely brutal. The C4GTS could have no other name except perhaps Deathwing himself. But Ohio won't approve DTHWING plates or DETHWNG so. And she's a her. Er, it's a she. Whatever. I AM ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH THIS CAR AND HAVE ASSIGNED IT A GENDER TO SUIT MY PREFERENCES. THE COUNCIL HAS SPOKEN.

I'm still decompressing so don't expect me to detail all the horrifying and literally terrifying weather encounters I had today. Yes, I actually saw a funnel cloud. Yes, I actually saw a forming tornado. No, I did not give chase - hail is a great way to get the car totalled. I will attempt to talk about them tomorrow when they are less "oh god never sleep again."

Let's talk turkey, by which I mean, Dragon.


First, the Scorch Chrono... Soot has been deputized.
This was outside of Chumby, TX. Or inside. There's nothing there. Whatever. We couldn't continue for a while. I contemplated life, the universe, and 42.

But then it let up for a while, and Onyxia began to show me her true character. She is not comparable to a C2GTS, I am afraid. Nor to a C4S. Not even to a GT3. No, she truly does stand alone, which is probably why Porsche says half her driveline parts are "special order only."

You have never in your life, and likely never will, drive a machine like this. Onyxia's interior noise will have to be addressed, but it's minor quibbles. Just several of them. It annoys me, it will be perfected, for I am Dragon North Automotive Engineering. Anything less than perfection is unacceptable. But these are noise quibbles and rattle quibbles. The rear spoiler needs lubricated as well. That should prove an interesting repair. I was denied the opportunity to install the UMI - it's already in there! So I have been jamming via aux cable. It works well enough for now. Cupholders are servicable, but I would like better. I'll think on it when I get home.

So, today was driving I35, I30, and roads attached to them. Often in wet weather. Often with poor visibility. Often surrounded by idiots. If you were out, you may have seen me. All black C4GTS hanging somewhere comfortable and then popping out. Finally getting comfortable and situated with her behaviors, her quirks, her mannerisms. The metal-on-metal clunk on off-camber pavement. The way you should not attempt to engage 1st gear in Sport mode (seriously.) Just how truly brutal her acceleration actually is.

I have driven the C2. The C4. The C4S. The C2GTS. The latest and greatest Cayman GTS (seriously, manual seats by default? Go to hell, Porsche.) I was given permission to get aggressive, and I did.
Look. We all know Porsches are special. We all think our Porsche is extra special because it's ours. I am here to tell you: the C4GTS 6 speed?
There is absolutely nothing like it. Period.

Let off her leash, Onyxia soars like nothing else. Her response to engine braking is butter smooth and predicable. Off-rev shifts, she laughs them off. And now it is time to find out what she does with acceleration. The answer is EVERYTHING. Unlike the C2GTS which will spin it's tires? Onyxia will not. She will grab harder and harder and harder still. When you tell her there is no more grip available, she slaps you in the face, and makes more grip. You immediately understand why this car has nearly 60k on the clock. It is a car that demands to be driven and will assault any owner which fails to comply. Your full and complete attention is required at all times, rewarding you with predictability. Poise. Plotting. Then you move on to aggression, and this is where the C4GTS' true character will show.
Not one ounce in the car isn't necessary if you want to road trip it. More cargo would be nice though. Alas. But when you hit the point where you feel comfortable with push-button-clutch and how much force the shifter needs? Grip for years. The C4GTS has more grip than you can handle. Hydroplaning the front axle, the back is fine. Absolutely no wheel movement results in an unpredictable or unusual action under any conditions. Onyxia claws at the road, and never comes up short.

Which goes to acceleration. People will say the added weight, has to be slower. Especially PDK. Maybe PDK, but not 6 speed. I didn't time precisely, but, let me put it this way. I could stop at an onramp. And reach 85MPH in 3 gears, easily. Behave malevolently, and she will reward you. Drive reasonably, and you will get amazing MPG, plus malevolence on tap. I am averaging over 20MPG. TWENTY MILES PER GALLON! Using nothing but my foot, because screw cruise control. And when I want to pass in 6th? I don't even need to downshift. I just stab, all four tires claw into the pavement, and suddenly I'm approaching triple digits.

In the words of Ken at North Olmsted Porsche (great guy, give him your business, I give him mine, no affiliation otherwise)? "The GTS just turns it up to 11." Well, Ken, the C4GTS turns the **** up and breaks it off.
I have driven many special cars. None as special as Onyxia. And I do not say that lightly. My Shelby Dodge is a truly special car in many ways, can turn disrespectable lap times like nothing else, and will shatter your spine. The C4GTS is even more than that. Especially thanks to the ventilated seat option. THANK YOU MISTER ORIGINAL OWNER. THANK YOU!!!

So just three days in with only one of them being enjoyable driving, I'm seriously considering adding her to the permanent garage. I shouldn't be doing it so early, but, I am. First I need a garage (anyone got any recommendations for house builders or contractors in Cuyahoga County? I want lifts in my garage.) But I already know that's only the start. The challenge is how to make something this special even more special. She doesn't NEED more power, she doesn't NEED more group (aside from having matching tires.) She NEEDS to be driven. She NEEDS to be seen.

I should be back in Cleveland on Friday. What's going on this weekend that would be of interest to Onyxia? I want to take her out to really play. She's holding back on me, because she knows there are Staties looking for trouble. (Right now, the hotel I'm at gets patrolled by the Sheriff every 30 minutes, so she's safe here.) Cone dodge, track day for someone who needs to re-license, whatcha got? Hurry! Hurry!

Next Step: I should be in Kentucky/Tennessee tomorrow with final leg arriving back home on Thursday night.


Driver: RootWyrm CoDriver: Soot


Stupid Austin trees, dumping sap on my baby!


Bit of weather coming in...


... okay a lot of weather.


First stop in Arkansas.