Mike in Chi

HWFM Humor Competition: Despite fears of a hung jury (that being me) we have a winner.

Sorry for the delay. In true HWFM Racing fashion, this is slow to the finish. I've been relying on accountants from the former Arthur Anderson (Enron's firm) to help me tabulate the results.

There were many excellent entries. Too many for me to commend in one post without someone bitching about bandwidth. However a decision must be made. But first:

Observations:

993 guys are much more adept at Photoshop and Illustrator than 964 guys. Perhaps they are more technologically advanced, just like their cars
(Kudos to C4TT, 993,951,944, Skip and Derrick B.)

964 guys have a funny chick, Melissa M. 993 guys do not.

The Cayenne seems to be controversial.


So, at the risk of having lots of you people looking to drive me off the track on those few occasions when I'm actually on the asphalt, here are the finalists and category winners:

FINALISTS:

Phil McGrath for Randel G finally gets a whole 993. (PMcG is funny, but no speller)

Flying Finn for Flying Finn is really Wendelin Wiedeking.

Joey Bagadonuts: The idea of Ray on the 964 Board - there goes the laid-back claim.

Skip in Boulder for a 997 that's a throwback to the 993, including Drive-Block.

Matt Davies for PAG's new 997 factory in Springfield, Ohio (is it an old International truck facility?)

Mark in Balt for "Zenlist"

Rich W: A HWFMR wearable that is a thong

Christer: HWFMR goes public and acquires Formula 1.

ApexL8: a group buy for racing radiators that get's seven takers

Rezal: C.R.A.P.ag

C4TT: the Birth of the 993. A great sight gag, and the leader at half-time. (Your prize is a HWFMR Turtle sticker - I'll PM you)

Phil McG: For ViperBob making housecalls and Dan becoming a Guru again. (can you hear all the 964 guys going "Huh?")

Melissa: Porsche re-enters racing, in NASCAR

MJR911 Porsche voiding the warrranty if you drive a GT-2 over the speed-limit.

(NB to those not listed: yes, your entry was funnier than these, but I'm holding a grudge from one of your previous posts)


CATEGORY WINNERS:

Most prolific funnyman: Phil McGrath of the 993 board. Lots of great jokes, although many only have meaning to a 993 rennlister.

Best Quote From His Own Book: Adrian

Best Pictures: C4TT, 993,951,944 and Skip in Boulder (although many 964 owners are still trying to figure out what's different on Skip's)

Best Job of Making Numbers Lie: Randall G for "since the 964 board is only half the size of the 993 board, we only need to be half as funny, right?"

Best "If Only It Were True" Award: MJR911 for the idea of a 12 point harness for HWFMR drivers and a Hawaiian Tropic Girl to assist with the strappin'.

Longest Joke that doesn't offend either a 993 or a 964 owner: Harry Hoffman for how many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Best Pun: Harry again for "Nein, Nein, Nein"

Best Poet: buckdr1

Best Identity Crisis: Tom W

Best Clever Needling of PAG: Matt Davies for the 997 to be called "Chipotle" instead of Carrera

Best Piling on Ferrari Owners: Steve the old fart emeritus

Scariest thought: Any HWFMR teammate in Rich W's thong

Best Reminisence: OldGuy for his cursing Mother-in-Law

Lifetime Achievement Award: JimBob Jumpback

Miss Congeniality Award: Mister Christer.

OVERALL RUNNER-UP:

993,951,944 for his inspired design and description of the C6S. (Your prize is a HWFMR Turtle sticker - I'll PM you)


Now to the Grand Prize of a HWFM Racing team hat --a $27 value! (If anyone else is interested in a team hat, shirt or removable turtle sticker, post below. Sorry my PM box doesn't work)


(SFX--Drumroll and trumpet flourish)

AND THE WINNER IS:

Robert Coats for

"Trick or Treaters: How to tell a 964 or 993 owner without looking in the garage."

What ultimately clinched it for Robert, was the final comparison of Secrets -- a 993 owner is a Queer Eye Fan while a 964 owner is doing his wife's sister

(although everyone on Rennlist knows the actual truth is a 964 owner would be doing his own sister)

Robert, I'll PM you for your address. Congratulations.


Thanks for a few days of fun everyone.

I'm off to see if I can get into the government's Witness Protection Program.

Mark in Baltimore

Great thread, Mike. Thanks for putting your life and reputation on the line by judging this contest. That the winner is a 964 owner (an assumption on my part since has no sig but posted on the 964 board) either attests to your indomitable impartiality or the more palatable bribes by 964 owners. Since 993's cost more to buy, the owners have less to play with.

I think this should once and for all rest the notion that 993 owners are a witless and acerbic lot, although it's clear that this year we are not as funny as the 964 guys.

Congrats to Robert for an extremely creative and humorous approach, although his post didn't scare me. My personal favorites were C4TT's six wheeled FrankenMonster and Skip in Boulder's 964 mod.

I dumb. Pictures good.

hoffman912

i agree! it was great reading everyones off the wall and halarious remarks!

993,951,944

Mike:

Thanks for spending the time arranging this contest.
It proves that the 993 series perpetuates intellectual growth
and humor.

Good work!