Bozo fixes his oil leak -addendum to oil change
08-08-2003, 10:58 AM
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Bozo fixes his oil leak -addendum to oil change
If you followed Bozo's previous "adventures in clumsiness", broadcast to you from Dumass world, you might remember the oil change, the overfill, the draining of said overfill, the refilling etc... That and the fact that Bozo found a small leak under his car, and being a hypocondriac immediately assumed that the case was split in half and the engine about to grenade itself... Or that the RS mounts were to blame. Or the French!
Bozo was swiftly brought down to earth by a couple of well aimed "numnuts" from Father Ray, Holy Patron of all numnuts and generous dispenser of the aforementioned. So he duly cleaned the engine's underside to eliminate the splatter pattern that pointed to pretty much every component in the engine as the culprit! chain covers, oil return tubes, crank mating surfaces, thru bolts, you name it, all oily! Bozo's guess is that with the engine tray on the job would have been simpler, but Bozo does not like the swiss-induced device, so the air flow probably did a nice job scattering the evidence...
In the end, thanks to his skills honed by a full season of watching CSI (not miami, the good one, in Vegas), he could locate the source of the leak.... Turned out to be.... the drain plug! Anticlimatic, huh?
Talk about mixed feelings... For those unfamiliar with mixed feelings, those always blend the good and the bad. For instance, a good example of mixed feelings would be your pristine C4S being driven backwards off a cliff....with your mother in law at the wheel... For some of us, that is a real tough choice and a great example... For Bozo especially as he just received the visit of the mother-in-law unit, aka "she who would not stop talking and giving her opinion when not requested", or "the Air whale", "she who never stops talking as she needs to extract her nutrients from the air, like a whale does from plancton int he water".
In this particular case, Bozo was relieved it was something as trivial as the drain plug, but bothered that it would leak as it was torqued properly, the proper washer placed and all... Or so he thought !
Bozo thought about fixing the problem with a brand new C4S and a 550 Spyder purchase... after all, he had just sent half of his life savings to a Nigerian Banker who apparently really needed the money to initiate a muti million dollars wire transfer to Bozo's account, so Bozo knew he was gonna get really rich real soon, and could even hire a mechanic full time. Except the money hasn't come yet and the phone got disconnected in Nigeria! Poor banker must have phone issues now, Bozo will send him more money to restore service.
No to be detered by the lack of help, Bozo got himself 2 new gaskets from the porsche dealer - for free, imagine that - and decided after careful consultation with list gurus to drain the crank case and take a look-see. He was told that by running the engine for a minute or so the crankcase would be mostly empty, hence the dry sump. So...public service broadcast from Bozoland: It is True, only 1.75 qts came out. That means about $7 of Mobil 1 versus "a hell of a lot more". (end of public service broadcast)
Bozo then drained the oil into his empty mobil 1 bottles so he'd know exactly how much was removed and avoid the previous "too much oil - too little oil" debacle. When the pan drained, bozo was surprised to witness the presence of a...drain plug washer! Hmm.... Those of you remembering Boxo getting scalded upon draining his overfill via the crankcase (before he thought of using the vacuum cleaner and a piece of tube) might remember how Bozo had removed the freshly installed crank case plug, got a bit hot and yanked his hand out, then put the drain plug back on. The most perspicacious amongst you might have a pretty good idea what happened. When Bozo yanked it out to avoid 3rd degree burns thru his gloves, the drain plug fell into the pan, the washer separated from the plug, and Bozo did not notice it was gone! Yes, Bozo is a dumbass !
A new washer was put in place, the plug tightened, and presto, no more drips ! So now you know, no washer = 1 tea spoon of mobil one a day !
#@#$% !!! This is freaking unbelievable. This one is downright embarassing, even for a clown !
Next on the list: bozo bought 2 distributor caps and rotors. Plenty of opportunity to get creative with plug wires and firing order ;-)
PS: notice how bozo keeps on postponing the plugs job ? yeah, me too...
Bozo was swiftly brought down to earth by a couple of well aimed "numnuts" from Father Ray, Holy Patron of all numnuts and generous dispenser of the aforementioned. So he duly cleaned the engine's underside to eliminate the splatter pattern that pointed to pretty much every component in the engine as the culprit! chain covers, oil return tubes, crank mating surfaces, thru bolts, you name it, all oily! Bozo's guess is that with the engine tray on the job would have been simpler, but Bozo does not like the swiss-induced device, so the air flow probably did a nice job scattering the evidence...
In the end, thanks to his skills honed by a full season of watching CSI (not miami, the good one, in Vegas), he could locate the source of the leak.... Turned out to be.... the drain plug! Anticlimatic, huh?
Talk about mixed feelings... For those unfamiliar with mixed feelings, those always blend the good and the bad. For instance, a good example of mixed feelings would be your pristine C4S being driven backwards off a cliff....with your mother in law at the wheel... For some of us, that is a real tough choice and a great example... For Bozo especially as he just received the visit of the mother-in-law unit, aka "she who would not stop talking and giving her opinion when not requested", or "the Air whale", "she who never stops talking as she needs to extract her nutrients from the air, like a whale does from plancton int he water".
In this particular case, Bozo was relieved it was something as trivial as the drain plug, but bothered that it would leak as it was torqued properly, the proper washer placed and all... Or so he thought !
Bozo thought about fixing the problem with a brand new C4S and a 550 Spyder purchase... after all, he had just sent half of his life savings to a Nigerian Banker who apparently really needed the money to initiate a muti million dollars wire transfer to Bozo's account, so Bozo knew he was gonna get really rich real soon, and could even hire a mechanic full time. Except the money hasn't come yet and the phone got disconnected in Nigeria! Poor banker must have phone issues now, Bozo will send him more money to restore service.
No to be detered by the lack of help, Bozo got himself 2 new gaskets from the porsche dealer - for free, imagine that - and decided after careful consultation with list gurus to drain the crank case and take a look-see. He was told that by running the engine for a minute or so the crankcase would be mostly empty, hence the dry sump. So...public service broadcast from Bozoland: It is True, only 1.75 qts came out. That means about $7 of Mobil 1 versus "a hell of a lot more". (end of public service broadcast)
Bozo then drained the oil into his empty mobil 1 bottles so he'd know exactly how much was removed and avoid the previous "too much oil - too little oil" debacle. When the pan drained, bozo was surprised to witness the presence of a...drain plug washer! Hmm.... Those of you remembering Boxo getting scalded upon draining his overfill via the crankcase (before he thought of using the vacuum cleaner and a piece of tube) might remember how Bozo had removed the freshly installed crank case plug, got a bit hot and yanked his hand out, then put the drain plug back on. The most perspicacious amongst you might have a pretty good idea what happened. When Bozo yanked it out to avoid 3rd degree burns thru his gloves, the drain plug fell into the pan, the washer separated from the plug, and Bozo did not notice it was gone! Yes, Bozo is a dumbass !
A new washer was put in place, the plug tightened, and presto, no more drips ! So now you know, no washer = 1 tea spoon of mobil one a day !
#@#$% !!! This is freaking unbelievable. This one is downright embarassing, even for a clown !
Next on the list: bozo bought 2 distributor caps and rotors. Plenty of opportunity to get creative with plug wires and firing order ;-)
PS: notice how bozo keeps on postponing the plugs job ? yeah, me too...
08-08-2003, 11:30 AM
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Fear not my friend Bozo.........
The first time I changed the oil in a 911, I unknowingly placed a jackstand directly underneath the drain plug to the oil tank. I duly removed the dry sump plug, drained the few quarts that where there, and proceeded to search everywhere for the mystery plug to drain the tank.
Being the clever mechanical engineer that I am, I followed the various oil lines and pipes and found a plug in another location. After convincing myself that it was NOT a transaxle plug, I slowly removed it. To my great surprise, I was not only greeted by the gush of hot oil coming from the tank, but springs and a small piston shot into the oil pan, out onto the floor, and across the garage.
I had removed the oil pressure relief valve by mistake. From that day on, I deviated from my male tendency to tackle jobs BEFORE or WITHOUT looking in the shop manual. Perhaps the best knowledge is that gained through experience.
Cheers,
The first time I changed the oil in a 911, I unknowingly placed a jackstand directly underneath the drain plug to the oil tank. I duly removed the dry sump plug, drained the few quarts that where there, and proceeded to search everywhere for the mystery plug to drain the tank.
Being the clever mechanical engineer that I am, I followed the various oil lines and pipes and found a plug in another location. After convincing myself that it was NOT a transaxle plug, I slowly removed it. To my great surprise, I was not only greeted by the gush of hot oil coming from the tank, but springs and a small piston shot into the oil pan, out onto the floor, and across the garage.
I had removed the oil pressure relief valve by mistake. From that day on, I deviated from my male tendency to tackle jobs BEFORE or WITHOUT looking in the shop manual. Perhaps the best knowledge is that gained through experience.
Cheers,
08-08-2003, 12:08 PM
#4
Three Wheelin'
Another great write up Greg!!
Fred, I did the same thing last week! And I have a few oil changes under my belt! Kim, the Finn and Viberbob quickly came to my rescue.
Fred, I did the same thing last week! And I have a few oil changes under my belt! Kim, the Finn and Viberbob quickly came to my rescue.
08-08-2003, 12:18 PM
#5
Burning Brakes
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Great write-up Greg.
This Bozo just had hot oil all over his arms last week after not allowing the engine to cool down enough. Needless to say, I said a lot of things not be said with children around re: the engineer who designed the horizontal drain plug!
Btw Fred,
I'm confused. Which is the real Pumpkin Capital of the World?
Morton, IL - http://www.pumpkin-patch.com/facts.html
or
Half Moon Bay, CA - http://www.hauntedbay.com/features/H...Ohistory.shtml
???
08-08-2003, 12:27 PM
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Rezal.
The only true way to settle this debate is to square off with our Pumpkin' Chuckin' cannons separated by a mile our so and begin to fire. Saddam thought he was buying a "super gun', but it's nothing compared to a high air pressure Pumpkin' Chucker. Ever seen a pumpkin travel more than a mile? It's great.
"Nothing smells like victory more than the smell of pumpkins landing over a mile down range while your enemy looks on in disbelief".
There's also nothing that smells worse than when the pumpkin plant is brewing up a batch of pumpkin pie filling.
Cheers,
The only true way to settle this debate is to square off with our Pumpkin' Chuckin' cannons separated by a mile our so and begin to fire. Saddam thought he was buying a "super gun', but it's nothing compared to a high air pressure Pumpkin' Chucker. Ever seen a pumpkin travel more than a mile? It's great.
"Nothing smells like victory more than the smell of pumpkins landing over a mile down range while your enemy looks on in disbelief".
There's also nothing that smells worse than when the pumpkin plant is brewing up a batch of pumpkin pie filling.
Cheers,
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08-08-2003, 12:35 PM
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>I said a lot of things not be said with children around re: the engineer who designed the horizontal drain plug!
Send him to Bozo's circus.. the gorillas appear to be in heat again !
Send him to Bozo's circus.. the gorillas appear to be in heat again !
08-08-2003, 12:47 PM
#9
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Originally posted by Eric in Chicago
...Kim, the Finn and Viberbob quickly came to my rescue.
...Kim, the Finn and Viberbob quickly came to my rescue.
Guys, I always change oil when it's hot (to get most of it out) and here's a little tip for all the Bozos out there:
When taking the drain plug out, use long extension & socket when you do the final few turns.
No matter whether it's horizontal or vertical, this will give you enough "safety margin" so that you don't burn yourself, unless you're "Grand Daddy of all Bozos" that is.
Of course, thick gloves, rags etc. also work but are not as "high tech" as this approach.
08-08-2003, 01:37 PM
#10
Passed On
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Congrats. Now, do what I do - order a bunch of crush washers and replace them at every oil change. I've tried to be cheap at times by not replacing them and have suffered the oil drip phenomena like you.
08-08-2003, 03:44 PM
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By crush washer, do you mean not the ones Porsche sells ?
The ones I got now are flat and if they crush, it ain't much, really.
I remember the old ring type crush washers which were of circular cross section, did really crush, and were absolutely not reusable. Are you talking about those ? Anyhow, no more drip. Bozo is happy...
The ones I got now are flat and if they crush, it ain't much, really.
I remember the old ring type crush washers which were of circular cross section, did really crush, and were absolutely not reusable. Are you talking about those ? Anyhow, no more drip. Bozo is happy...
08-08-2003, 03:59 PM
#12
I have a confession to Greg and the other who have experienced oil change mistakes. This will make you feel good. On my most recent oil change I made the supreme bozo mistake. But first I will tell you about my little bozo mistake. I drained the oil from the tank easily and efficiently, in fact I even took a picture to show that I did not spill a drop (first time for me) and was going to post it…notice it never happened. I preceded to drain the crank case. Once again no problems. I was getting cocky because of this and because I was making really good time (I started thinking I could be a mechanic…ha!). I then went to remove the oil return line. I have changed the oil two other times and this had been the only procedure that didn’t look like the Exxon Valdez had been in my garage during those changes. I separated the collar of the oil return tube from the engine with a screw driver that was too small to pop the tube out completely. I reached up there to “wiggle” it out with my hand being careful not cut up my hand on the sharp metal up there. Well wiggling was not working. So I got further under the car to get more leverage to “pop” it off. You can see what is coming can’t you….. I got a grip on it and pulled…..pop….it came out easily….too easily as my hand pulled it very far way and deposited much of the contents of the oil return on my face! Luckly it was merely warm and not scalding. I made a huge mess. I was pi$$ed off as I ruined my perfect oil change and I didn’t really like the taste of motor oil. I sort of cleaned up and proceeded to finish up, removing the filter without making to much of a mess and then the Supreme Bozodom took place.
I had installed my new filter and cleaned and replaced the oil return tube. I got the bolt for the return to tube and put it in with my hand. I then got one of my handy dandy Snap-on torque wrenches and check the torque setting and got under there to tighten it down. I started tightening. There was not much room in there so I could only move it small amounts. It wasn’t clicking. Hmmmm maybe I didn’t have it screwed in that much from my hands? I think, OH s%$T maybe I set the torque setting wrong!? I take the wrench off and double check it to the figures. No it is right. Hmmm experiment time. I set the torque setting lower to see if clicks. I put back on and turn. No click. On more time. CLICK! The wrench falls down a little and the head of the bolt falls to the floor……
many many many inappropriate words later. I still can’t believe what is happened.
To ashamed and embarrassed to post to the forum for suggestions, I emailed Robin privately (I am sure he got a good laugh reading my email
). Robin suggested drilling and tapping and backing out with an easy out. I was afraid of destroying my engine case with a drill. I was also afraid to fill with oil and drive to the shop because I could see the return line popping out and emptying all the oil and me burning up the engine. I cleaned it all up reassembled everything and on Monday called in the flatbed to have it towed to the shop I use. $40 for the tow, $.93 for the part and $85 in labor later I was back on the road.
Still a little unsettled on how it happened. It was suggested that the torque wrench does not work properly on small throws, but I swear I have used it there before. Maybe not. Just a word of caution to everyone.
I had installed my new filter and cleaned and replaced the oil return tube. I got the bolt for the return to tube and put it in with my hand. I then got one of my handy dandy Snap-on torque wrenches and check the torque setting and got under there to tighten it down. I started tightening. There was not much room in there so I could only move it small amounts. It wasn’t clicking. Hmmmm maybe I didn’t have it screwed in that much from my hands? I think, OH s%$T maybe I set the torque setting wrong!? I take the wrench off and double check it to the figures. No it is right. Hmmm experiment time. I set the torque setting lower to see if clicks. I put back on and turn. No click. On more time. CLICK! The wrench falls down a little and the head of the bolt falls to the floor……
many many many inappropriate words later. I still can’t believe what is happened.To ashamed and embarrassed to post to the forum for suggestions, I emailed Robin privately (I am sure he got a good laugh reading my email
). Robin suggested drilling and tapping and backing out with an easy out. I was afraid of destroying my engine case with a drill. I was also afraid to fill with oil and drive to the shop because I could see the return line popping out and emptying all the oil and me burning up the engine. I cleaned it all up reassembled everything and on Monday called in the flatbed to have it towed to the shop I use. $40 for the tow, $.93 for the part and $85 in labor later I was back on the road. Still a little unsettled on how it happened. It was suggested that the torque wrench does not work properly on small throws, but I swear I have used it there before. Maybe not. Just a word of caution to everyone.
08-08-2003, 04:42 PM
#13
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Great Bozo story Brian. Personally I never remove the oil return line. Why bother for the small amount of oil you drain? Also I remember reading that torque wrenches are usually less accurate at the low end of the range.
08-08-2003, 04:58 PM
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I'm with greg.. (weird saying that, it's like talking to myself)
I can't see the point of taking out the oil return tube. it's risky, messy, and one more thing that can go wrong. And it'd be surprised if it is over 5% of the oil in the car anyway - considering we can never flush the oil cooler and lines anyway, it's negligible...
It's pretty easy to do the job without touching the oil return tube! Unscrew, let the filter fall down and cover you in oil, done ;-)
I can't see the point of taking out the oil return tube. it's risky, messy, and one more thing that can go wrong. And it'd be surprised if it is over 5% of the oil in the car anyway - considering we can never flush the oil cooler and lines anyway, it's negligible...
It's pretty easy to do the job without touching the oil return tube! Unscrew, let the filter fall down and cover you in oil, done ;-)
08-08-2003, 05:07 PM
#15
Nordschleife Master
What great reading. I'm falling out of my chair. But I can top your bozo stories with my own. I just paid Rusnak Porsche-Audi (Westlake Village, CA), $217 to change my oil for me. There. I said it. Go ahead, laugh your asses off. Oh, and the level looks a touch too high for my taste.