GuardsRedHammerhead

When I met my wife, I had already been divorced and freshly discharged from the Army. I loved her and thought she was smoking hot, but did not want to get married again. She was 23 years old and chomping at the bit to marry me and have kids. I granted her wish, with the following understanding:

1) I am Irish. I drink and do it frequently. With buddies. At a bar. It ain't ending ANYTIME soon.

2) I love guns more than life itself. I own lots of them, and will only buy more. Whenever I want.

3) I like European cars. Generally, the costlier they are to maintain, the more attracted I am to them. If they sit in the garage on blocks and don't run, I don't care. They're still mine.

We have had a peachy marriage now for 16 years. I set the bar low, so that no one is ever disappointed with me.

Markmandude

That would be a little difficult with 5 month old twins.

T_MaX

@ Randy, did you get his man card yet?

@ Markmandude, saying your sorry should always be enough and the last work on the subject!

That is unless you got caught with your pants down around your knees. Than its more like "where do I sign?"

Deface your Stang, your Infiniti or simply sign the divorce papers, but never your 928!

heinrich

a woman cannot be made happy - she is happy or she is not, and that will never change

Lizard928

I agree with the men on this board.

Women want a man who will take control. If they wanted to wear the pants they would be dating a woman themselves.

I have told gfs that I told if they ever got fat, that I would be getting a new gf because I dont like big women. They all stayed, its called setting the rules of engagement. Just like emphasizing "till death do us part"

Jerry Feather

I divorced my first wife when she said that if I loved her I would do---(something). She said if I didn't change she wanted out. I didn't hesitate when I said, "OK, you can be out." Best words I have ever said.

Jerry Feather

Jerry Feather

My second wife understands a lot better. I have told her about the end of my first marriage and I think it has made an impression on her that has lasted now for these last 38 years.

It kind of reminds me of the old story about the farmer who had just gotten married and was going somewhere with his new wife in the wagon being pulled by two horses. On the way one of the horses acted up in some way that displeased the farmer and after he got the horse under control he said "that's once!" Then shortly after that the same horse acted up again and he got control and said "that's twice!" Again a little later the horse did it again and the farmer simply stopped the wagon, got down and grabbed his gun from under the seat and went foreward and shot the horse dead.

The new wife, in a sort of outrage shouted "What did you do that for?" The farmer simply said, "that's once!'

Jerry Feather

T_MaX

For those who might be questioning their worthiness of being a Man-Card holder

danglerb

Told my wife the joke, she said, "that's once!"

Jerry Feather

And it is probably not wrong to let her believe that she is the one counting. However, at some point it might be interesting to suggest to her that your first wife is commonly referred to in certain contexts as one's "practice wife."

When I was seperated from and getting divorced from my practice wife I had occasion to see my now second wife giving a sort of goodby kiss to one of our common acquaintences, but in sort of a brother/sister kind of mood. I casually asked her what it might take for me to be in the position to give her a kiss, and she said that I "could be trained!"

The rest is kind of a long story, but since then I have been often and frequently referred to as being still in the training program. That actually has its advantages, since I cannot be accused of screwing up in any fashion by simply stating that I am still in training and I guess I have not learned that aspect yet.

This has been going on for the last 38 years, as I said earlier. It is common in various informal settings for my lovely wife to tell others that I am still in the training program. I do not ever dispute that fact. However, recently she made that point to our son, I think, and then added that she was interested in training me to stop building piles of my stuff on the kitchen counter and in the corner in the kitchen, and that she would like me to stop doing that. I have a tendency to pile stuff that I might need for somthing such as Porsche parts, packing material, reading material and other stuff close to where I am doing my thing and that is commonly on part of the kitchen counter and in a corner of the kitchen/eating area so it will be handy to me when I need it and so I don't have to go very far to find it again.

That is what she was going to try to train me to stop doing.

However, I took the first ever opportunity to suggest to her that although she did not realize it that has been a significant part of the training program she has in fact been in all of these years and that is to becone used to my having my stuff close at hand when I need it which means that it needs to be piles on the counter and in the corner of the kitchen. I also suggested that she has been doing very well in the program and has really been getting the hang of it.

I was king of surprised, but pleased, that she actually had absolutely nothing to say.

I love my wife and she is a great lady, but she make almost no effor to control me. That is in fact the key to most successful marriages--that is, neither party trying to control the other. Well over 30 years in divorce law has taught me a lot about that.

Jerry Feather