Hello all,

THought I'd share this e-mail sent from a friend to another. George has been a long time 914 owner from his first car to present. I have a co worker friend who was recently given a non-running 914, was very excited about it and contacted me for advice since I dabble in many models. Where to find parts, what to look for, issues etc. I engaged George since he has a world of knowledge (much more than me in 914s) and this was his e-mail to Desmond on how to truely live the 914 experience. No offence meant for any 914 owners..... priceless

Cheers, Mike.............


Desmond,

Nott told me that you are now the proud owner of a 1976 914. I just wanted to congratulate you on this and to offer some pointers. I had the same model for my first car when I was 16, so I am intimately familiar with them. I may be able to save you some trouble while still enjoying the true 914 experience. The first thing to do is to take about $2000 cash, soak it in spent motor oil and set it on fire. Then take about 2 quarts of the spent motor oil and pour it where you would normally be parking the car. Since it is mid-engined, make sure to pour the oil right behind where the cockpit is located. Next, go out to your daily driver car and use some small tubing to pipe the exhaust into the cab – not enough to hurt you, but just to get the right smell. Then take some of the aforementioned motor oil and rub a light coat all over the upholstery – once again this is for the right smell. You will also need to completely disable both the heat and AC on your daily driver, and while you are under the hood, disconnect all but 2 or 3 of the spark plug wires. This step is important to get the true 914 performance, it will simulate both the 914’s power, and also the feel of the running engine. If you have a CD player in your daily driver, find an old VW Bug and make a recording of its engine and play it in your car while you are driving.

On days that it is raining, you will need to pour a few teaspoons of cold water on your left thigh every few minutes while you are driving, and also on your passenger’s right thigh. Spray some soap on the inside of the windshield until you can only make out vague shapes. Do not wipe this off.

On freezing days spray clean water on the inside of the windshield and let it freeze. Then scrape it off.

After a month or two, go out in the woods where some steel equipment has been stored for years and collect about ½ pound of rust flakes. Now back your daily driver up on ramps, and crawl under it. Position yourself underneath rear of the passenger’s seat. While holding both hands up to bottom of your car, dump the ½ pound of rust on your face and head. Now give up and go drink a beer. (This approximates how you feel when you find out what the battery has been doing to the frame for the last 36 years.)

There. If you follow all of these steps, you can get the genuine 914 experience and tell whoever is giving you the car to just keep it.

Hope this helps,

George

 

 

That was great! Funniest thing Ive read in a long time. Thanks for sharing!