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Best car ad ever!


Old 05-19-2017, 02:20 PM
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Default Best car ad ever!
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:37 PM
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That has to be the funniest ad ever made. Loved it!
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:38 PM
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Old 05-19-2017, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Atrox View Post

Thanks that is epic
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Old 05-19-2017, 03:18 PM
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Old 05-19-2017, 03:26 PM
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Now that was well worth 4 minutes.

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Old 05-19-2017, 03:33 PM
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Too funny!!
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Old 05-19-2017, 03:34 PM
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"When I go online to Google fixes for this car, what boggles my mind is how numerous and widespread the issues are, and most incredulously, the sheer acceptance of all these issues plaguing Corvettes reminds me of how Audi fanboys insist that their cars are reliable even while the interiors of their cars are lit by the warm glow of check engine lights."

Lit by the warm glow of the check engine lights. I'm going to have to remember that one.
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Old 05-19-2017, 04:21 PM
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Good grief, people. If it's that good then post the text here.
2003 Chevy Corvette Z06, 104k miles, asking $14,000

Are you a dumbass? Does the prospect of fixing pre-bankruptcy GM crap excite you to no end? We both know the answer to both questions, and that's "yes." Otherwise, you wouldn't be looking at this piece of **** C5 Corvette Z06 when you can find so many other perfectly working C5Zs for decent money. You're thinking to yourself that you can fix all of the problems that this Corvette has for cheap and have yourself a turn-of-the-century plastic fantastic supercar for less than $16k all-in for the buy-in and repair.

If you're smart, turn around and go find another Corvette to buy instead of this ****box.

But you're not. So let's get down to the brass tacks.

History of the car

The car served the majority of its life as the daily driver of some woman down in Ohio. From there, it passed to a fellow autocrosser in Kentucky who prepared the car for SCCA competition in A Street, adding the Konis, front sway bar, and a trailer hitch. Then it passed into my hands, where I proceeded to continue beating the **** out of the car at autocross events and the occasional track day event.

So if you're looking for a pristine driver, or a car that can be rescued into a pristine driver, this car isn't it. The metal front protective radiator guards are gacked, the front rubber air dam bits are held on with zip ties, and there are two cracks in the front bumper from whacking pylons at speeds up to 65mph.

Ideally, this car would continue life as an autocross car, track day beater, or dedicated wheel-to-wheel race car. But if you're a glutton for punishment, you can try to fix all the issues the car currently has and make it into a nice 15-footer for the street.

Things done to the car

Boy howdy, are there lots of problems with this car. When I go online to Google fixes for this car, what boggles my mind is how numerous and widespread the issues are, and most incredulously, the sheer acceptance of all these issues plaguing Corvettes reminds me of how Audi fanboys insist that their cars are reliable even while the interiors of their cars are lit by the warm glow of check engine lights.

Let's first run down the list of things I've done to the car.

•Replaced the hazard light switch buried in the dash. As it turns out, asking a car to have working turn signals past the 100k mile mark is too much to ask for in a car built in this millennium.

•Replaced the front passenger DRL/turn signal socket so I could signal right turns.

•Removed the HVAC control unit in order to resolder the circuit boards and replace bulbs so I can actually read what temperature the climate control is set at. Another common issue with these cars.

•Replaced the radio with an aftermarket unit that also has bluetooth.

•The "hose clamp on the rotary seat back locks" trick in an effort to keep the seat from flopping back. It works most of the time, but still sometimes flops back during autocross or track driving.

•Replaced the passenger rear wheel bearing. I have a new spare front and a new spare rear hub that comes with the car.

•Oil catch can for the engine.

•Two oil changes with Redline synthetic motor oil.

•Added trailer wiring. The previous owner added a hitch for towing a tire trailer but didn't, for some reason, add trailer wiring?

•New Continental DW tires on the wheels. Wheels are replica chromies and are pitted like hell, but they look okay from 20 feet away.

Things that were previously done to the car that I don't have any paperwork for:

•Head was serviced by no one other than Danny Popp. Car was also corner balanced, if you give a ****.

•Car has single adjustable Koni Yellows on all four corners. One of them was installed with the adjustment window facing the wrong way, so you can't adjust rebound while the car's on the ground. You can easily flip it around, if you give a ****.

•Car has a hitch. Apparently, nothing brings out cell phone cameras faster than a Corvette towing a trailer full of crap. You'll be the talk of the gas station towing tires or a motorbike with this thing.

•Dark tint that was probably okay in Kentucky that is now liable to get you pulled over in Michgian.

•Corsa cat-back exhaust was installed, though it is currently uninstalling itself as pieces drop off the car. I do have a stock OEM C5Z exhaust that goes with the car that you can install so you can have, you know, matching mufflers in the back.

•Car has a front sway bar, aka "Stranobar," from Sam Strano of Stranoparts. Sam Strano of Stranoparts has Stranobars, say I as I strain to make Sam Strano of Stranoparts and his Stranobars into a tongue twister and fail horribly. This one is probably the smaller of the sway bars he offers.

Everything that is wrong with the car so far

I have learned very quickly that these cars don't age well. Here's what's wrong so far that I know of. I'm sure that whomever buys this car will have something else fail immediately on the drive back home.

•Car leaks water like a mother****er. Apparently, it's a common issue that plagues many C5 FRCs, of which the C5 Z06 is an example. The solution is to remove a bunch of trim and seals, and attack the seams with a tube of silicon caulk. And here I was assuming that a watertight cabin was a fundamental engineering requirement for building a car. Stupid me. Passenger foot well accumulates water much faster than the driver side foot well.

•Squeal coming from the engine bay. I think it might be the belt tensioners, but if it's not, I've got a crank pulley and crank bolt that can go on the car. Crank pullies are advanced technology, you see, which is why it's a weak point and all C5 Corvettes eventually need theirs replaced. ****in' hell.

•Noise coming from the driveline. I suspect it's coming from the torque tube. A good torque tube is included with the car -- have fun swapping that in, either as-is or, if you're smart, rebuilding it before you put it in. And if your luck is **** and it's not the torque tube, it's probably the diff. Have fun!

•Passenger side power window no longer goes up and down. Fortunately, it's stuck in the up position, so it can provide some protection against the rain until the weather overwhelms the seams on the right side of the roof, trickles water down the A-pillar, and into the passenger foot well.

Good stuff about the car

Ah yes, the only reason why the car has stuck around in my garage for so long: it's one of the best driving cars I have ever driven.

The car, being set up as an autocross car, is perfectly neutral and eminently catchable. I have never spun this car on an autocross course or on the track, and this is coming from someone who is well known in autocross circles for being able to spin a Miata multiple times in a single autocross run. There is plenty of grip, and the car is set up to rotate easily (read: it's loose), which makes this car a ****ing hoot and a boot to drive. The steering, while slow, is weighty and communicative, and there's nothing like the throttle response from a naturally aspirated V8.

It's too bad the driver seat is crap and that the car cooks its engine oil after 15 minutes on a road course, but that can be solved easily with a race bucket and oil cooler if you're willing to take this car in that direction.

And when you're done releasing your inner child with some fast driving on a closed course -- because we're civilized adults, dammit -- the car is perfectly comfortable for cruising back home. The air conditioning blows cold and the heat blows hot. At highway cruise, the car gets about 28 miles per gallon. When towing a tire trailer loaded with 300 pounds of junk, the car gets 20 miles per gallon on the highway.

So I won't blame you if you decide to fix this car and try to use it as a regular street car, because the car is a lot of fun to drive. Even as I'm ranting about everything that's ****ed on this car, there's a small voice inside me that whispers that the car doesn't need a lot of work to be awesome, and that I shouldn't sell my 400 horsepower Fisher Price plastic toy.

All you really need to do is spend a couple of weekends putting on all of the parts that come with the car. As my time is currently being taken up by a '66 Mustang and a '67 Morgan, I simply don't have time to do anything to this car, so it sits, forlorn, waiting for its Prince Charming to come rescue it.

The deal

I'm asking $14,000. Yes, the car is cheap. Did you just read all of the above? It's cheap for a reason.

I'm willing to entertain offers in person. Don't go trying to negotiate over the phone, text, or email. I want you to look me in the eye when you make an offer, so you can see me cringe or flat out laugh. But do make offers and lowball the hell out of me, because I want this car gone from my sight.

Once again, if you're smart, you'll have read all of this and decided that you should go look at a different car. That's good. Get lost and continue making good decisions in your life.

For the rest of you, I'll be waiting to hear from you.
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Old 05-19-2017, 05:09 PM
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OK. After reading that, now I kinda want the car. It can't be that bad right?

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Old 05-19-2017, 05:29 PM
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That is an awesome ad. Below is a similar ad I wrote when selling my sweet 1991 Volvo 740. Sold in 1 day to some hipster.

Wow! What a great opportunity. You can buy this amazing Volvo 740 with only 65,000 miles. That is right, 65,000 miles on a 23 year old car. How is that possible, you ask? It really is the age old story of the little old lady that drove it to church and the grocery store. That little old lady just happened to be my grandmother. She purchased this car new, in 1991, from Keystone Volvo in Doylestown. That was a glorious day for me, because at the time I was 17 and I got her 1983 Volvo 760.

Anyway, when she was 81, she decided she should stop driving, so I purchased this 1991 from her. I purchased it in 2008, at that time it had 38,000 miles, so I am responsible for almost half of the miles on this car. It's been my daily driver for the past 5 years and is reliable and sound.

This has been my daily driver for the last five years, and has always been strong. She only left me stranded once in the last five years, and it was my fault. I ran out of gas and burned out the fuel pump, which is why I just replaced that.

So what else can I tell you about the Volvo 740/who is this car good for?:

1. Do you hate washing cars? If so, this car is for you! It looks the same when it is clean or dirty. It is the perfect color that hides dirt!

2. Have you had a lot of speeding tickets, and need to take it easy? This car is for you. I am not sure what the zero to 60 speed is, but you most likely will have reached your destination before you hit 60. Actually, that is not entirely true. On the highway, this will easily cruise all day at 75 mph without a shimmy.

3. Are you looking for a first car for your teenager? If you are a parent of a teenager, THIS is the perfect car. First, because of how slow it is, second, while the back seat is huge, the car is so ugly, no other person will want to get in the back for shenanigans. Trust me, I know - remember I got my grandmother's previous 760 when I was in high school, and trust me, that back seat saw zero action.
This thing is a tank, perfect for the new driver. You can bounce off of stuff and not even know it.

4. Do you like very basic maintenance, and a car that has cheap, very easily found parts? This car is for you. Volvo made this exact same car for 10 years, and they made a zillion of them, everything is super easy to find and super easy to fix.

5. Do you think computers and LCD displays are dumb? Do you wish your car had less that 20 buttons/switches/dials? Well, this car is for you.

6. Do you like heat? This car has it! I swear, when I get in this car, I am pretty sure I must be in either the Sahara, or Hell. This thing gets HOT. And it has heated seats. What can be better than that? Well, what could be better is if both of them worked, but currently only the driver's side works. The passenger seat needs a new heated seat relay.

7. Does Air Conditioning make you angry? Good. It doesn't work in this car. Here's the deal. The compressor runs, I have replaced the evaporator, and converted it to 134a. There is a leak in one of the o-ring gaskets. If you fill it with refrigerant, it will work for a few days until it leaks out. Every year, I said I was going to fix it, but never did. You know why? See number 8.

8. This baby has a sunroof! And no switches or electronics to break. This thing works on a crank. It gives you a sweet upper body work out. Work on your core, as you are taking in some sun!

9. Did I mention this car has power windows? Well, it does. Some would say, there is a slight issue with drivers side window. Sometimes it has a little issue going up, or down. I like this feature. You know why? A little thump with your fist and it starts working again. Just like Fonzie playing the juke box. Who doesn't want to feel like Fonzie?

10. This car has great leather seats, and is super comfortable. It is honestly like driving a living room around.

11. This car is an automatic with OVERDRIVE. Overdrive just makes it more fuel efficient when you are cruising on the highway. It does not have MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE, so it will NOT come to life and try to kill you.

12. You live in PA, and you hate getting cars inspected? GREAT! This one just passed two weeks ago. You be able to drive for almost a year, without the state of PA judging your car.

13. Do you have an odd fetish, and you like things that are sagging? This car is right up your alley! This headliner has a massive sag. AND, if you like things that are sagging, dirty and has some holes and staples in, this really is your dream car. In trying to fix the sag (sorry, just not a fetish of mine, although I am not judging), I used some adhesive and staples. Neither of these solutions worked, and really just made it worse.

14. Do you want to feel like Marty McFly from Back to the Future? Here is your chance. You know why? Although this car is 23 years old, it has iPod integration, and Bluetooth handsfree calling. That is just crazy! That is like turning a scooter into a skateboard in the 1950s.

15. Do you like bodies that have some marks of character? Well, good. This car is 23 years old, and has a handful of dings and scratches. Nothing horrible, but if you are looking to show this at Pebble Beach, you will have some work to do.

16. Do you sometimes need to carry large amounts of goods, or dead/living bodies? This trunk can do it. Remember, I owned one of these when I was 17, and was able to fit 3 people in the trunk. Trust me, they deserved it.

17. Are you horrible with coming up with a name for your car? Good. This car already has a name. Classy Lady. You can tell that is her name since it says so on stickers on her small back windows. The stickers match the paint perfectly, so you will not need to wash these either. If you have a name for her, that is fine, the stickers can be easily removed.

18. Do you know someone that really needs their face remodeled? I may have your answer, depending on how serious you are. You see, this car has an airbag. That's right, just one. And it is for the driver. That means if you happen to hit a wall, you should be fine, but your passenger will have a face full of 1990s plastic.


* 65,xxx Miles
* Current PA Inspection until 12/14
* Automatic
* Leather Seating
* 4 Cyl.
* Power Windows and Locks
* Sunroof
* Runs Great
* Stops Great
* Great Basic Transportation
* Accident free (except for the occasional scuff and ding)
* Four Cup holders
* It does not have a bin for your chicken
* Really Big Clock

Things that are new within the last 500 miles
* Front Brake Pads
* Wipers
* Fuel Pump and Fuel Filter

Things that have issues:
* Drivers window occasionally sticks
* Headliner is sagging
* Air conditioning needs to be serviced
* Some scratches and dings
* Carpets have some light staining
* Coolant Temp Gauge is a bit wonky

Looking to get $2,200 for this amazing piece of automotive history. I will consider offers, especially if you are going to leave the Classy Lady stickers on.

Title in hand, ready to go. No trades, unless you happen to have an open aluminum car trailer. I might consider that.

I can show the car in Jenkintown, or Conshohocken.
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Old 05-19-2017, 05:50 PM
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Originally Posted by gnat View Post
OK. After reading that, now I kinda want the car. It can't be that bad right?

That's some ad. I want the car and I hate Corvettes and GM.
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Old 05-19-2017, 05:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Macster View Post
That's some ad. I want the car and I hate Corvettes and GM.
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