Craigslist 944 Ad of the Century
01-25-2018, 02:07 AM
#1
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Craigslist 944 Ad of the Century
https://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/ct...462216654.html
1987 Porsche 944
217K Miles
2.5 L in-line 4
RWD
5 speed manual transmission
White
Straight Stock
Power windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
Full black leather interior in good shape.
$4000
Here's the deal, kids:
This is a Porsche 944. It's a 31 year old sports car, not a maintenance-free disposable eonobox. It has fully independent suspension, superb handling, and character. It's a Porsche. It looks like a Porsche. It drives like a Porsche. All of these are GOOD things. It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the photos.
If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of timing belts: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bull**** job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If, however, you have ***** OF STEEL and consider sunny weekend days a great excuse for a long drive: THIS IS YOUR PORSCHE. Do you want an LS1 powered hybrid? This is the PORSCHE for you.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned Porsche 914 along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik and Bring a trailer saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and automotive suspension design?
Remember when tool companies had the ***** to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?
If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR PORSCHE.
DETAILS:
-I am the 6th, 7th or 8th owner. I'm not sure about the maintenance history of this 944 and the PO says its due for a timing belt change. If you want to give me $1000, I will do it for you and roll it into the final price. If you own tools, you can handle it yourself for about $250 in parts.
-The motor doesn't seem to burn much oil, but I've only driven it a 100 miles or so. My garage does not suffer from drips from the car.
-I did notice the rear hatch does leak some in the car wash. How much? I don't know, I'm not conducting a statistical analysis. It has 217,000 miles, Poindexter! If you have a perfect car with 217,000 miles on it, you're a liar!
-Front end has lots of rock chips and a small dent from being driven on highways at speed. The almighty gods of horsepower and torque intend for Porsches to be driven at speed, so it's perfectly normal. This car has not been repainted.
-Interior lights are dim during the night. It probably needs new bulbs or a ground needs to be repaired.
-Last night while driving it the dimmer switch dial came loose from the dash. I'm sure it can be fixed easily but will require pulling the instrument cluster or dash trim. I'm not doing it unless you choose to pay me more for the car.
Add $250 to the price of vehicle for parts, labor and beer. A freaking bargain.
- The suspension is soft. After 31 years it probably need bushing, shocks and struts to be made perfect again.
-The sunroof raised and lowers but does not retract. I hear the motor running but it doesn't move backwards or forward. I'm happy to be your mechanic, but again add cash for parts, labor and beer.
-The badass little 2.5L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
-The tranny shifts smoothly and quietly.
-Tires are high performance 200TW tires. These should not be driven on in the rain. The wheels are staggered 17" from a Porsche Boxster with perfect offset. These will work great if you convert to an LS1 later on.
I haven't upgraded because I had plans to work on my other cars like my '91 ZR-1, '00 911 (996) and my '94 Miata which will get a Ford V8. I wanted to convert this into an LS1 track monster. Life got in the way - it ain't happening.
QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
I can't justify owning it anymore. I have too many cars, too many projects, not enough time, and not enough money and no space to keep this car Someone else needs to appreciate the Porsche 944 for what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.
-What's wrong with it?
Minor cosmetic issues, going to need a timing belt, rear hatch seal leak, interior lights dim, needs a new turn signal stalk. (will work by holding in intermediate position, but return to neutral does not work on switch; common on old 944s) . The clock actually does work and the odometer (unusual for old 944). The car also has a small battery drain so if left sitting for two weeks you will need to jump start it. I suspect the aftermarket stereo.
-Does the transmission shift smooth, does it run well?
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.
-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
No. I'm not in the salvage business. Buy the Porsche. Love the Porsche. Give the Porsche a home.
-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of **** honda project down the road.
I think I'm plenty cheap for this bad ****. Have you seen what 944s are going for lately? It's getting outrageous.
-Why is it still stock?
Because I bought it that way with the possibility of making it great.
I haven't had the time to do so, and have too many cars already, So I am selling it.
-Can I lower it, gut the cat, gut the interior and race it?
I don't give a ****. But be sure to use quality safety components and for God's sake - get it aligned after a lowering!
-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Hell yes, not only a good car, a learning experience, an introduction to vehicular maintenance.
Additionally, there isn't really enough room in the back for that little bastard she's dating to try anything.
-Can you deliver?
Within reason. I'd drive it a hundred miles or so. But really, you should come get it. Look it over. Have a beer. Etc.
-Will you take a check / cashier's check / Western Union Transfer / Paypal / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
No. I'll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don't show.
-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.
-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That's great, I don't give a ****. Unicef ain't running this deal, and until they do I want $4000.
Why? Because I don't HAVE to sell this little beauty. Truth be known, I'd rather keep it, but I don't have the space.
But if it's going to a good home - I will sell. Unless you're an ******* - then no sale.
-Why are you such a dick?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.
Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.
1987 Porsche 944
217K Miles
2.5 L in-line 4
RWD
5 speed manual transmission
White
Straight Stock
Power windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
Full black leather interior in good shape.
$4000
Here's the deal, kids:
This is a Porsche 944. It's a 31 year old sports car, not a maintenance-free disposable eonobox. It has fully independent suspension, superb handling, and character. It's a Porsche. It looks like a Porsche. It drives like a Porsche. All of these are GOOD things. It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the photos.
If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of timing belts: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bull**** job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If, however, you have ***** OF STEEL and consider sunny weekend days a great excuse for a long drive: THIS IS YOUR PORSCHE. Do you want an LS1 powered hybrid? This is the PORSCHE for you.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned Porsche 914 along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik and Bring a trailer saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and automotive suspension design?
Remember when tool companies had the ***** to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?
If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR PORSCHE.
DETAILS:
-I am the 6th, 7th or 8th owner. I'm not sure about the maintenance history of this 944 and the PO says its due for a timing belt change. If you want to give me $1000, I will do it for you and roll it into the final price. If you own tools, you can handle it yourself for about $250 in parts.
-The motor doesn't seem to burn much oil, but I've only driven it a 100 miles or so. My garage does not suffer from drips from the car.
-I did notice the rear hatch does leak some in the car wash. How much? I don't know, I'm not conducting a statistical analysis. It has 217,000 miles, Poindexter! If you have a perfect car with 217,000 miles on it, you're a liar!
-Front end has lots of rock chips and a small dent from being driven on highways at speed. The almighty gods of horsepower and torque intend for Porsches to be driven at speed, so it's perfectly normal. This car has not been repainted.
-Interior lights are dim during the night. It probably needs new bulbs or a ground needs to be repaired.
-Last night while driving it the dimmer switch dial came loose from the dash. I'm sure it can be fixed easily but will require pulling the instrument cluster or dash trim. I'm not doing it unless you choose to pay me more for the car.
Add $250 to the price of vehicle for parts, labor and beer. A freaking bargain.
- The suspension is soft. After 31 years it probably need bushing, shocks and struts to be made perfect again.
-The sunroof raised and lowers but does not retract. I hear the motor running but it doesn't move backwards or forward. I'm happy to be your mechanic, but again add cash for parts, labor and beer.
-The badass little 2.5L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
-The tranny shifts smoothly and quietly.
-Tires are high performance 200TW tires. These should not be driven on in the rain. The wheels are staggered 17" from a Porsche Boxster with perfect offset. These will work great if you convert to an LS1 later on.
I haven't upgraded because I had plans to work on my other cars like my '91 ZR-1, '00 911 (996) and my '94 Miata which will get a Ford V8. I wanted to convert this into an LS1 track monster. Life got in the way - it ain't happening.
QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
I can't justify owning it anymore. I have too many cars, too many projects, not enough time, and not enough money and no space to keep this car Someone else needs to appreciate the Porsche 944 for what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.
-What's wrong with it?
Minor cosmetic issues, going to need a timing belt, rear hatch seal leak, interior lights dim, needs a new turn signal stalk. (will work by holding in intermediate position, but return to neutral does not work on switch; common on old 944s) . The clock actually does work and the odometer (unusual for old 944). The car also has a small battery drain so if left sitting for two weeks you will need to jump start it. I suspect the aftermarket stereo.
-Does the transmission shift smooth, does it run well?
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.
-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
No. I'm not in the salvage business. Buy the Porsche. Love the Porsche. Give the Porsche a home.
-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of **** honda project down the road.
I think I'm plenty cheap for this bad ****. Have you seen what 944s are going for lately? It's getting outrageous.
-Why is it still stock?
Because I bought it that way with the possibility of making it great.
I haven't had the time to do so, and have too many cars already, So I am selling it.
-Can I lower it, gut the cat, gut the interior and race it?
I don't give a ****. But be sure to use quality safety components and for God's sake - get it aligned after a lowering!
-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Hell yes, not only a good car, a learning experience, an introduction to vehicular maintenance.
Additionally, there isn't really enough room in the back for that little bastard she's dating to try anything.
-Can you deliver?
Within reason. I'd drive it a hundred miles or so. But really, you should come get it. Look it over. Have a beer. Etc.
-Will you take a check / cashier's check / Western Union Transfer / Paypal / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
No. I'll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don't show.
-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.
-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That's great, I don't give a ****. Unicef ain't running this deal, and until they do I want $4000.
Why? Because I don't HAVE to sell this little beauty. Truth be known, I'd rather keep it, but I don't have the space.
But if it's going to a good home - I will sell. Unless you're an ******* - then no sale.
-Why are you such a dick?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.
Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.
- do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
01-25-2018, 08:37 AM
#6
Nordschleife Master
“The sunroof raised and lowers but does not retract. I hear the motor running but it doesn't move backwards or forward. I'm happy to be your mechanic, but again add cash for parts, labor and beer.”
I’d gladly give him the full asking price if he’s genius enough to get the sunroof to retract.
I’d gladly give him the full asking price if he’s genius enough to get the sunroof to retract.
01-25-2018, 08:52 AM
#7
Rennlist Member
Trending Topics
01-25-2018, 10:45 AM
#8
I had plans to work on my other cars like my '91 ZR-1, '00 911 (996)
01-25-2018, 05:17 PM
#12
Addict
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Member
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Member
You got a better way to get your two sets of tires and toolbox over the GW to Watkins? I wish I didn't have a set of tires in the car with a jack, luggage and tools when I live in the Island and went to Pocono, Lime Rock or Watkins. If I didn't have a horrible HOA here, I would have a hitch on the car and trailer stored in back of the house.
01-25-2018, 06:27 PM
#13
Nordschleife Master
He owns a 2000 996? That pretty much explains everything. He's too busy dealing with cracked heads, porous casting, IMS failure, and the 1000 other MOF's on that POS that he doesn't have time to do the minor stuff on the 944. Owning the 996 also explains his douche bag-ness.
01-25-2018, 06:59 PM
#14
Tom, you missed my whole point. When you see a hitch on a used car, you have to wonder what the hell was he towing with it. A washing machine or wet top soil?
01-25-2018, 07:23 PM
#15
Maybe, but his temp gauge shows it's hot, that doesn't help. Also his gauge might just read low, mine has read 2.5 when fully warmed up and idling for the last 15yrs and it's still fine. Had my valve cover off recently and everything still looks new. Coincidentally (or not) when I fill the gas to the point of practically overflowing, my fuel gauge only reads a little over 3/4 tank (also for 15yrs). I wouldn't be scared off by that picture, might as well have a beer with the guy....
cheers,
c
cheers,
c