theiceman

I have come to the realization that I was in fact quite rude to the poster of the crapets and have been told so … But as communicated to me quite directly , using the discussion forums to cross post goods for sale is within the rules . What bothers me more is guys parting out cars on the forums .It becomes an endless thread of bits and pieces for sale and burries the more revelant technical threads.
and now that you have got me started .... Another of my Pet peeves is every Tom Dick and Harry who thinks he owns a 911 posting questions on the forum without doing the courtesy of even looking to see if he is posting in the right area. I do admit mistakes happen .. so I have put this “guide” together to help people decide whether they should post in the 911 forum …. So here we go…..

1. If your car has any water based coolant whatsoever , YOU ARE NOT DRIVING A 911
2. .If you look under the hood and your car came with 2 distributor caps, YOU ARE NOT DRIVING A 911
3. If the front of your car looks like Jay Leno , and the back looks like J-Lo . or if it looks like your car basically melted into a blob with no distinguishable front or rear bumper features YOU ARE NOT DRIVING A 911
4. If your car has a dead DME, you feel the headstuds are broken, or worse . pulled out, if your engine has a distinct backfire when you start it, if it feels woefully underpowered, or if the thing rattles and shakes so much you have to fight it to get it in gear .. you most definitely own a 911 ..

Now on such a note I think it would be helpful to provide information to help the newcomer decide which forum he should be on , so I have created a small guide with a little more detail ..

If your post starts with “ me and my dad bought this car” or “ I am a student with no money and my car broke “ … 944 Forum

If your post starts with “ my car is rusting from underneath me and I can’t stop it “ 914 forum

If your post starts with “ My car engine rattled, stopped and burped out a giant puddle of oil on to the ground the size of the Exon Valdez” …… 996 forum

If your post starts with “ My girlfiend’s car engine rattled, stopped and burped out a giant puddle of oil on to the ground the size of the Exon Valdez” …… Boxster forum

If your post starts with “ The car my girlfriend said I could buy engine rattled, stopped and burped out a giant puddle of oil on to the ground the size of the Exon Valdez” …… Cayman forum

If your post starts with “ I have a wicked fast car but the interior has completely fallen to pieces “ …. 928 Forum

If your post starts with “ My VW is broken “ … 356 forum

If your post starts with “ My Audi is broken “ … 924 forum

If your post starts with “I can’t decide if I should get the alcantra wrapped drink holder or refrigerated glove box …. “ .. 997 forum ..

If your post starts with … I can’t believe I got this modern Porsche so cheap!.... 996 3.4 forum

If your post starts with “ my all wheel drive is bust and it would be cheaper to buy another car than fix it .. 964 C4 forum

If your post starts with “ my engine check light keeps coming on and it is a SAI issue … 993 forum

If your post starts with “ I have a ton of money and wanted to be noticed driving around in my Stationwagon “ ….. Panamera Forum

If your post starts with “ I wanted a Porsche that I could push F-150s off the road with “ .. Cayenne Forum

If your post starts with .. “ I swear those wheels were in a straight line before I hit the gas“ … 930 forum ..

If your post starts with “ If I am lucky I might be able to sell this and have enough to buy a 930” …. 996 Turbo Forum

If your post starts with “I wanna look cool but really can’t afford to , or afford the insurance ..” 911 TL forum ..

If your post starts with “ My 911 seams god awefull slow and doesn’t even look as nice “ ..912 forum

If your post starts with “ My $100,000 Carbon fibre interior has gone all yellow .. Carrera GT forum

If your post starts with “ somebody stole my back seats “ GT3 forum

If your Post starts with “ somebody stole my back seats and now it goes even faster “ .. GT2 forum.

If your post starts with " oh my god are tires for this thing ever expensive " .... GT3RS froum

If your post starts with " i wanted a 911 but ended up with something that looks like my overly fat cousin" ...991 forum

And finally if your post starts with , My engine backfired, I can’t get it into second, my car wont start. I burn too much oil . I hear a pht pht pht when I idle, only the left front tire rubs, I took the valve cover off and a stud fell out , then my friend you are definitely in the right place….

dshepp806

Good one, Ice.

Doyle

rusnak

If your left leg is sore after a weekend of driving 500 miles or so, and you have to talk a little bit louder because you've gone a little bit deaf, then you definitely own a 911.

Mother

whalebird

too much...I'm going to have to think of a suitable post here.

911tracker85

my 928S is a 1984 US spec Auto, thus not too fast, and with a very good interior.

so what forum do I go to???

good one ice.

psychoideas

If your post starts with, " I think I just blew my air box apart, but the Book told me to do it" Then you are in the right forum....................

MUSSBERGER

Very well thought out Ice. I like it.

HarryD

Actually, if I am not mistaken, that post starts: "My CIS car had a huge backfire and now cranks over but won't start... ", then you are in the right forum!

theiceman

,,, actually it starts with .. " a flash bang grenade just went off in my garage ... "

Marc Gelefsky

Hard to take a guy with Cup 1's on a classic 911 seriously.

Funny stuff!

theiceman

hey they were photo-shopped in .. here is the untouched pic

Marc Gelefsky

Yeah yeah, sure sure.. blasphemy!

Daniel Dudley

Nicely done. Are you still propping up your back lid with a hockey stick ?

Just so you know, my first post was an incoherent five paragraph run on sentence. A couple of nice Listers who had BTDT basicly walked me through to where I needed to be. It happens. Like the joke says, start them off right, and you can walk on them forever.

Hey, it use to be that I couldn't even spel lister. Now I are one.

theiceman

all good fun ..